


knowing me, knowing you

by NalgeneWhore



Series: knowing me, knowing you [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Accidental Falling In Love, Alternate Universe - Princess Diaries Fusion, Alternate Universe - Royalty, F/M, Rivals to Lovers, cute dogs !!, if u c me using another abba song as a title....no u didn't 🙈, it's fun ! it's fresh ! it's elorcan, meet cute but....not really.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26828482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: It’s been a long while, but Elide Lochan is finally ready and primed to take the title from her uncle. She’s prepared for this moment her entire life, she’s done everything exactly correct. But when an old law is brought to the public’s attention, and Perranth’s long lost founding story, Elide is forced to drastic measures to save the one thing she’s wanted since birth.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Fenrys (Throne of Glass)/Ress (Throne of Glass)
Series: knowing me, knowing you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063169
Comments: 153
Kudos: 96





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> im SO EXCITED to share this !! i've been working on her for so long and im so exciiiteeddddd

**Five Years Before**

Elide looked at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hands over the pleated chiffon skirt of her dress. It was a gentle lavender colour, something Aelin had picked out for her.

The queen, and Elide’s cousin, had grown up in the press spotlight, poised and groomed to be the perfect monarch. Left as an orphan, much like Elide as the same plane crash had taken their parents, she had fallen victim to insidious advisors with personal agendas. 

Aelin had slipped up plenty in her life and as a young woman of nineteen, aged well beyond her years, she was determined to give Elide the life any teenager deserved. 

So, she personally chose Elide’s outfits for public events or even private ones attended by diplomats from around the globe. Aelin wouldn’t have her so-called baby sister dragged through the mud. 

Elide’s dress was tea-length, its skirt flowing gently with its countless pleats. A matching sash cinched it around her waist, making the bodice snugger. Elide fiddled with her pearl necklace, making sure it lay just so, dipping slightly beneath the modest neckline. She checked the cuffs’ buttons, ensuring that the long, loose sleeves wouldn’t be causing her any problems during her speech. 

Someone knocked gently on the door of the dressing room. Elide turned, delighted in the way her skirts twirled with her, “Come in.”

The heavy door opened and a head of shockingly silver hair poked in. Elide smiled at Rowan, feeling calmer knowing that he would be escorting her to the ball. “Elide, is everything alright?” 

She laughed brightly. For all of Aelin’s easy-going, carefree spirit, her beau kept her grounded with his instinctive worrying. “Ro, everything’s fine.” 

His seemingly permanent frown lessened the slightest bit, “Good. We’re all waiting.” 

“Oh, I just need to get my shoes,” she said, stepping off the mini-catwalk and plucking a pair of pointed-toe white pumps from their box. She sat down to slip them on, nodding gratefully when Rowan passed her the blackwood, silver tipped cane she used. 

It stung, knowing that her ankle could be fixed with simple, straightforward surgeries and still, her uncle and legal guardian, refused to let her, citing ridiculous and out of date reasons as to why she couldn’t. 

Rowan’s green eyes hardened, no doubt thinking about the ways he’d like to maim Vernon Lochan. Elide didn’t blame him. 

Elide’s hand slipped around the silver raven’s head that acted as the handle and she stood, resting her other hand on the forearm Rowan offered her. 

Just as they crossed the threshold, Elide froze, her pearl-coloured, almond shaped acrylics digging in the silky material of his finely made tuxedo. “I…” 

Rowan patted her hand, “You’ve been preparing for this your whole life, Elide. You’ll do amazing things.” 

She flashed him a thankful smile and he squeezed her hand in response. “I’m ready.” 

He nodded again, escorting her down the marble hallway, her cane clicking sharply against the polished stone.

Soon enough, they arrived at the grand hall. Aelin wasn’t to be seen, but that was expected as the queen was to make a short introduction before Elide’s turn. It wasn’t the first time she’d been in the spotlight - paparazzi followed her nonstop - but it was the first international address she had ever made. 

They slowed to a stop before the doors. Elide smiled at the guards and her personal maids, as well as the woman who ran her day-to-day schedule - Finnula. As they waited, Elide chatted with everyone until Finnula checked her earpiece, nodding in confirmation. “It’s time, milady.” 

“Finn, I have six more years till I’m the duchess,” she said, blushing a bit. Elide wasn’t yet used to her title-to-be. 

Finnula winked and scurried to the doormen, letting them know what was happening. 

A short fanfare played and Rowan let go of her hand. He leaned down, kissing the top of her head. If Aelin was Elide’s big sister, Rowan was the protective big brother she’d never had, “Knock ‘em dead, Ellie.” 

She gave him a dazzling grin as he slinked to the side and the doors opened. Elide let out a long breath and walked out, smiling politely and waving to the attendees as they clapped. 

Aelin was waiting at the podium for her, grinning proudly. There were errant tears caught in her lashes as Elide stepped up. The queen kissed her cheeks, “I’m so proud of you, my love.” 

A lump was caught in Elide’s throat and she couldn’t speak, so she just squeezed Aelin’s hand and nodded, mouthing _I love you._ One tear slipped down Aelin’s cheek before she wiped it away and slipped off to the side. 

Elide turned to face the crowd, leaning her cane against the ornate rostrum. Cameras flashed and she swallowed, suddenly feeling very underprepared. The seconds seemed to tick by tortuously slowly as her mouth dried. 

There was a glass of water that she sipped from, taking the time to collect her thoughts. 

When she placed the glass back down, Elide straightened her spine and raised her chin. People prayed on her downfall and she wouldn’t hand it to them. 

With the weight of her mother and father’s eyes looking down on her, Elide began her speech. 

“Good evening, everyone. I would like to thank you for joining me tonight. Having heard and learned about you all for the past decade, it’s lovely to finally meet you,” she said with a dry smile, waiting as a slight chuckle ran through the room. “I hope that you have all been curious to make my acquaintance as well or this would all be rather awkward.” 

She looked to the back, seeing Rowan give her a supportive smile. Elide felt herself relax and she continued, “I’ve asked you all here today to inform you that, despite statements made by the current duke regent of Perranth, I plan to take my rightful title when I become of age. This is my home and my birthright, something I’ve planned for my entire life.

“As your duchess, I believe I can restore Perranth to the rich and beautiful land it once was.” Elide paused, taking another sip of water. “My heart and soul truly belong to my home. I hope that I have your support moving forward and will strive to reconnect with allies and strengthen weakened ties.” 

The rest of her speech flew by in what seemed like a single moment. Elide blinked, remembering to smile, nod, and wave. 

Another short fanfare played and Elide turned, taking her cane once more and walking behind a column as the dance commenced. Aelin and Rowan were waiting for her, both wearing those proud, almost parent-like smiles. 

Elide rolled her eyes goodnaturedly and accepted the hug Aelin crushed her into. “I’m _so_ proud of you, Ellie-Boo. You did so well, so well. I love you.” 

Her throat tightened to the point where she could hardly breathe. “I love you too, Ae,” she croaked. Next Rowan hugged her shortly, never one for excessive physical affection, with all but Aelin, of course. Elide was quick to block out the countless times she had caught the two in compromising positions. 

Aelin fixed her hair, smiling brightly, “Dance with me, darling! I shall have no other steal your first dance from me.” 

Elide laughed and nodded, lacing her hand with Aelin’s. As they walked to the middle of the room, Elide glanced upwards, past the gilded, painted ceiling to the heavens high high above. _I hope I make you proud._


	2. one

The auditorium clapped loudly and Elide could hear her friend’s cheers as she finished her valedictorian speech for the Fenharrow University School of International Relations. She smiled brightly, accepting the gold plaque that the dean held out to her and posing for the photographer. 

Elide waved as she walked off the stage. She didn’t have time to wait for the other announcements - Ress was already trying to hurry her up - but she managed to catch Asterin and Yrene’s eyes, blowing them both a kiss and waving. 

She made a note to ask Lysandra if she could fly them both out over the summer. Elide knew she’d be busy, with the title and the official resignation of her uncle, but hopefully she could sneak a weekend away before the ceremony, which they were both coming for anyway. 

“Miss Lochan, we really–” 

“Ress, I told you to call me Elide,” she reminded the young man, smirking at the way he blushed. He was Aelin’s favourite guard and her most trusted, which was probably why he’d been sent to collect her from university and whisk her back to Perranth. 

Ress cleared his throat, “Of course. _Elide_ , we need to hurry. The plane is waiting.” 

She smiled and followed him through the back halls. Ress led her out to the street, where a black SUV was waiting. He opened the door for her and Elide smiled her thanks, sighing in relief once she was sitting. 

A bag was on the seat next to her. Elide rolled up the partition just as Ress started the car, pulling smoothly away from the curb to the airport. 

She changed into a pair of soft flannel pajama pants and a hoodie from her now alma mater. Then, she rolled down the partition again, leaning forward to rest her forearms against it and her chin on her wrists. “So,” Elide cackled when Ress jumped, spooked by her proximity, “how’s Terrasen?” 

“It’s very good,” he replied, slowing to a stop at a red light. Elide took the opportunity to crawl through to the passenger seat. “Miss Lochan- _Elide_ , stop that! It’s not safe for you to be up here!” 

“Oh, come on! I know you have bulletproof windows and the windshield is too,” she argued, relenting by buckling her seatbelt. Elide continued, adding, “Plus, if someone does shoot at me, you’re closer to throw your body in front of mine to save me.” 

Ress rolled his eyes in jest and the light turned green. “Your logic is impeccable as always, milady.” 

Elide punched his shoulder for that, cursing when her ineffectual blow was met with solid muscle, “Fuck me, you couldn’t be a bit softer for when I punch you?” 

He just laughed and continued driving. 

The plane started to rumble beneath her and Elide gripped the armrest tightly, her long, black acrylics digging into the plush, cream-coloured leather. Despite being a regular flier, she never had gotten used to the sudden lurch in her stomach as the glorified tin can sped up and shot into the sky. 

Landing was easier, but only by a smidgen. 

Elide kept her eyes screwed shut until a soft ding sounded, indicating that they had reached cruising altitudes. She let out a long breath, opening her eyes to look out the window as they flew away from Bellhaven. 

The stewardess came by with tea and a sandwich for both Elide and Ress, who was sitting in the comfortable chair opposite hers. Elide thanked her and started on her tea while Ress practically inhaled his sandwich. 

Elide snorted and handed him hers. When he declined, she insisted, “C’mon. I’m not hungry, we went to the diner to see Sorscha anyway, just take it.” He conceded, obviously making an effort to eat it slower as Elide stirred her tea. 

She watched him curiously and sipped from her tea. 

“Stop staring at me like that,” Ress muttered, his cheeks pinking. 

“I’m not staring at you,” she replied loftily. Elide placed her cup to the side and rested her elbow on her armrest, propping her chin on her fist. “Are you still seeing that boy?” 

Ress choked on a bite of food and coughed. When he finally got his breath back, he shook his head, “Did Aelin say- is the sandwich a _bribe_?”

Elide gasped, “So there _is_ a boy, I knew it!” 

“Don’t you have preparations to look over,” he shot back at her, eyeing the manila folder on the tray next to her. 

Elide sighed and gave him a dirty look up as she picked up the smooth packet, looking at the shiny seal, her family’s crest staring up at her. Ress took it as his exit and practically fled. Elide called after him, “This isn’t over, Ress!” 

“Oh, yes it is!” he yelled back, collapsing into a seat facing away from her and slinking down so she couldn’t even see his brown-haired head. 

Elide smoothed her hands over her white tweed jacket, fingering the button stamped with a double C. She turned to appraise the matching pants.

Her hair was curled, clipped back and resting over one shoulder. As usual her makeup was done to perfection - she had long since perfected the barely-there look - and Elide decided to finish the look off with a dark black lip that matched the piping of her suit. 

Someone knocked on the bathroom door, “Elide? Captain says we need to return to our seats.” 

“I’ll be right out,” she called back, testing her ankle. She had gotten the necessary surgeries two months after she turned eighteen and had control over her medical needs. Since the injury and subsequent abuse due to her uncle’s refusal for medical attention, it would never heal to what it once was, but Elide was diligent about her physio-therapy, so she could usually go without her brace unless she was exercising. 

Elide packed her bags up and walked out, stashing them on her carry-on before sliding into her seat and buckling her seatbelt. 

Ress smiled at her, tilting his head to the window, “Welcome home, Duchess of Perranth.” 

Ress half covered her from the press as she walked off the plane and across the tarmac. “Elide, I don’t want you being too open.” 

“I’ll just smile and wave,” she argued, flashing him a blinding smile as she stepped around him and waved, “What’s the point of looking this good if I can’t show off?” 

He grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like _Aelin is rubbing off on you._ Elide laughed and approached the fence, bending down to accept the bouquet from a little girl dressed to the nines in a tulle dress and a tiara. “Oh, thank you. I love peonies,” Elide said, “and your tiara, it’s beautiful.” 

The little girl beamed, flashing where she was missing her top front teeth, and then ran back to her mother, who shared a warm smile with Elide. 

Elide waved once more and dodged Remelle DuBois, one of the countless entertainment reporters who spent her days chasing down royals and their family members. She had always been too… friendly with Rowan. Remelle wasn’t one for subtlety and was a vocal critic of Aelin’s policies. 

Elide had always doubted it had anything with her cousin’s skills as a competent monarch. 

Ress ushered her away before Remelle could sink her claws into Elide and showed her into yet another SUV, its windows tinted black. 

Elide stayed glued to the window for the entire drive. She always returned to Perranth during her breaks, but that reading week back in February, she had been too busy with midterms and couldn’t find the time to fly out. 

She had missed her home more than she thought possible and drank in the sights as Ress drove through the city. The castle was a short ten minute drive from the city limits and Elide looked excitedly at the landmarks telling her she was getting closer and closer. 

They turned onto a nondescript road. After a minute of thick forest - strategically grown as a natural defence - the rolling green hills of the property came into view. Elide gasped happily at the sight of the soaring towers. 

When Ress parked in the roundabout driveway, Elide didn’t bother waiting for one of the footmen to open her door before she was hopping out. A familiar pair stood at the top of the limestone steps, next to Vernon, who looked at Elide with a slight sneer.

Aelin smiled and managed to contain herself as the majordomo announced, “Her Royal Grace, Elide Amara Lochan of Perranth.” 

There was a short trumpet fanfare played as Elide walked up the steps. She thanked Anneith that it was customary to address the queen and king consort before any other royal. Elide curtsied formally, bowing her head before Aelin and Rowan. 

Their arresting eyes were both filled with mild amusement at the formality of it all. “Welcome home, Elide,” Aelin said, leaning in to kiss both her cheeks and squeeze her hands. In a soft whisper, she said, “I’m so proud of you, my love.” 

Elide mouthed _Thank you_ and turned to Rowan, breaking protocol to throw her arms around his shoulders. The silver-haired man laughed deeply and hugged her back, kissing the top of her head, “Hey, Ellie.” 

“Hi, Ro,” she croaked. They had grown even closer and it wouldn’t be remiss to call Rowan her best friend. Vernon cleared his throat obnoxiously and Rowan reluctantly put her down, never happy to relinquish his protective hold on her around her uncle. 

Elide patted his bicep, telling him she was fine. She dipped her head, internalising her smirk at the indignation on Vernon’s face when she hardly bowed. “Uncle, it’s lovely to see you again.” 

He gave her a slimy smile and Elide visibly stiffened when he grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, his grip near crushing. “My sentiments exactly, niece.” 

Aelin’s personal assistant, Lysandra, appeared, smiling widely. “Elide, I thought I heard your name.” 

“Hi, Lyss,” she said, hugging the green eyed beauty warmly. “Oh, I missed you.” 

“I missed _you_ ,” Lysandra answered before drawing back. “Now that we’ve all said hello, why don’t we move this inside?” 

They all chuckled and followed her as she led them through the front doors, thanking the doormen with a dazzling grin. The moment the doors shut behind them, Aelin squealed and threw herself at Elide, “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you, it’s like it’d kill you to visit your poor cousin - you know how I loathe spending my days with stuffy old men.” 

Elide laughed, “You’re the one who insisted I finish my degree before assuming the title.” Tears pricked her eyes, “I missed you, Ace. You have to tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

Aelin pulled away, looping her arm through Elide’s, “It’s been a busy year. Most of my meetings are about you, you know. It takes a lot to prepare for your–” The blonde was interrupted by a derisive snort, poorly disguised by a cough. Slowly, she turned to face Vernon. “Have a cold, do you?” 

“No, no, I’m quite alright.” He cleared his throat, “I thought I might be more involved with the preparations, that’s all. If I may, how far along are the plans?” 

Elide glanced between her uncle and her cousin, feeling dread settle in the pit of her stomach. 

“...quite far. Why do you ask?” 

“Well, we wouldn’t want to get ahead of ourselves.” 

Elide tugged Aelin along before she could snap back a snarky response, “I think we can discuss this later. I’m rather tired and would like to get settled.” 

Aelin looked ready to fight, but softened after Elide’s pleading look, “Of course. I have a surprise for you, El.” 

The tension eased from her shoulders as their party moved swiftly, leaving Vernon in their wake. 

Aelin insisted on keeping Elide’s eyes closed as they moved through the halls. 

Elide was sure her cousin purposefully took her all over, so she had no idea where they had ended up. “Ae, come on, let me see!” 

“Ok, ok, ready?” 

“For the love of the gods, yes!” 

Aelin pulled her hands away and stepped away. Elide exhaled sharply, “This- it’s my parents rooms.” She looked in confusion at Aelin, not understanding what was happening. “Wh-what?” 

Aelin shrugged, “Since you’re about to be the duchess, I thought it might be more appropriate for you to live here instead of your old rooms.” 

Elide reached out, squeezing Aelin’s hand. She hadn’t spent much time in the rooms since her parents died - no one had. Vernon had once mentioned moving in, but after Elide objected by refusing to eat, he relented and they remained empty. “Thank you, love.” 

Aelin beamed, “The pleasure is all mine. Now,” she put a hand on the handle, turning it to the side, “shall we?” 

Nodding, Elide braced herself as Aelin opened the door and she walked in, taking in the entry hall. A flash of black, brown, and white fur shot towards her. 

She managed to keep on her feet as Bear crashed into her, the large pup’s body wiggling uncontrollably in excitement. Elide laughed and kicked off her precarious heels, crouching down to hug her dog. “Hi, Bear, oh, hi, lovie.” 

Bear barked excitedly, her fluffy tail whipping back and forth, coming close to toppling the hall stand and the vase placed there for Elide’s flowers. The house she had rented with Asterin, Sorscha, and Yrene hadn’t allowed pets, so Bear stayed in Orynth with Fleetfoot. 

The fluffy Bernese Mountain dog butted her big head into Elide’s hands, asking for pets. Elide laughed and scratched her floppy ears, “Were they treating you well in the castle? Yeah?” 

Bear growled playfully, nipping at Elide’s hand before moving past her to the door and sitting expectantly. Elide stood and dusted off her pants, chuckling at her eagerness, “Not now, Bear. I just got home!” 

“Speaking of,” Aelin said, patting Bear’s head, “let me show you what I’ve done!” 

Elide faked a groan and let herself be dragged over through the entry hall, noticing the new armchairs placed around the table. She waited excitedly as Aelin dramatically flung the double doors open to her bedroom, “Welcome!” 

Stepping in, Elide took in the opulence of her room. It was painted a pastel mint and cream. She smiled, looking at the large bed in the middle of the room, its wooden frame edged in gold with a diamond-tufted headboard. 

Pillows upon pillows practically overtook the bed, the sheets a neutral white. Aelin stood nervously by the bed, running her hand along the soft throw blanket, “I got the white just in case you wanted to change it, you can. And we can repaint this, too, of course. And–”

“Aelin, really, it’s amazing. I love it,” Elide said, turning to take in the floor-to-ceiling bookcase flanking the fireplace and large, flat screen television. There was a white armchair by the wall of windows, the middle two Elide knew were French doors that opened to the balcony that oversaw the courtyard and the gardens. 

The queen smiled softly and beckoned her over to the closet, “And this is a little birthday present, just from me to you, ok?” 

Elide bit her lip to contain her smile as Aelin opened the door with a flourish, “Ta-da!” 

She walked in, her mouth dropping as she took in the racks of clothes in the walk-in dressing room. There was a full length mirror that lit up when Elide touched it and she gasped, whirling to look at the clothes hanging. “Oh my gods, _Aelin_.” 

“Wait, wait, wait, let me show you this,” Aelin said, drawing her attention to the island in the middle of the room. She pressed a button and after a slick hiss, drawers popped open, sliding out to display accessories and beautiful jewellery. 

“Oh, Aelin, it’s beautiful,” Elide gushed, most excited about the wall of shoes and purses. She pulled Aelin into another hug, “Thank you for everything, Ace. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” 

Too overcome with emotion to say a word, Aelin just returned the embrace and they stayed there for a while, trapped in the moment. 

Elide sighed calmly as she sipped a glass of wine, holding a tattered paperback in the other hand.

She rested her feet on the opposite lip of the sunken bath, tapping her toes to the rhythm in her head. The bathroom door was nudged open and big paws padded against the marble tiles. Elide smiled, turning to look at Bear as she rested her head on edge of the tub and whined softly. 

Laughing, Elide put her glass and book down. “Have I not paid enough attention to you?” she asked, lovingly stroking her hand over Bear’s head. The dog huffed through her nose, making her eyes big and wide. 

Elide laughed again, leaning over to kiss the top of Bear’s head, “I missed you too, Bear.” She reclined further back as Bear slumped to the floor, her chin resting on her paws. It seemed for the first time in Elide’s life, the future was clear and nothing could ruin that for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u liked her 🥺 next chapter is fun ! really really quite fun hehe


	3. two

The morning sun streamed through the gauzy drapes. It lit up the room, forcing Elide to groan and turn onto her stomach. **  
**

With a puckered brow, she pulled the edge of her goose down duvet up and over her head, effectively plunging her world back into pitch darkness. Perfect. 

Even still, it seemed sleep would evade her as her mind started to whirr. A voice, that sounded suspiciously like Lysandra’s, chirped at her, rattling off her to-do list. 

Elide would be turning twenty-one in less than twenty-four hours and as tradition stated, she was to host a ball the night before, so she could dance her way into her reigning age. That meant her day would be taken up by the last prep check, her facial, the manicure and pedicure, her hair appointment, and then starting the lengthy process of dressing in her gown, not to mention the official photoshoot and press release. 

Sighing defeatedly, Elide sat up and grabbed her phone. At five past six, she had enough time for a short and brisk run with Bear. “Bear,” she called hoarsely as she stood from bed, “get up, dumb dumb, time for a run.” 

The kitchens were bustling. On every surface, Elide saw prep work. Kitchen staff wearing white rushed around and Elide kept a tight hold on Bear as they walked through to the back, where there was a small breakfast nook. 

Lysandra was already there, tapping through her iPad with a furrow on her face as she sipped her coffee. 

“Morning, Lyssie,” Elide said, kissing her friend’s cheek as she dropped Bear’s leash. As expected, the beggar nosed around the table on a hunt for scraps. Lysandra waved vaguely, too consumed by the ball and all that needed to be done to properly notice anyone. 

Elide just laughed and picked up Bear’s dish to scoop out a small helping of kibble. She’d get a more filling breakfast later before heading off to the groomer’s. Elide served herself a small bowl of yogurt and granola, just enough to tide her stomach over until after her run. 

When Elide placed Bear’s dish down, the beast practically collapsed on the floor, pulling the stainless steel bowl close to her with her paws. She kept a firm hold on it as she stuck her snout into it and scarfed down her kibble. 

“Oh, Elide, hi,” Lysandra said, pulled out of her stupor by Elide sitting down opposite her. “I’m sorry, it’s a busy day and I have florists yelling at me and the dress–” 

“Lyss, don’t mind me. I’m just getting a quick run in before the day begins,” Elide interrupted. “Don’t let me stop you from your duties.” 

Lysandra smiled gratefully, leaning down to scratch Bear’s ears, “Hi, bud. You excited for your run, yeah?” 

Bear perked up at that and stood upright, her tail wagging behind her. Elide chuckled and finished the rest of her breakfast, “Well, that’s my cue. I’ll see you later.” She stood up, patting her thigh to get Bear to follow her as she moved to the sinks and put her bowl beside one of them. 

“Have fun and don’t forget your brace, love,” called Lysandra. Elide nodded and smiled as she pushed the back door open. 

Soon enough, Elide was running through the gardens. She didn’t feel like she needed her brace, but it was better to wear it anyway. Bear trotted beside her, her tongue half hanging out of her mouth. 

With her earbuds in, none of the landscapers or gardeners bothered to talk to Elide. Some waved or bowed to which Elide smiled. 

Elide kept her strides short and even, pulling the brisk morning air deep into her lungs. In just a month, Vernon would step down and Elide would rise to the title. All her life she’d been preparing for this moment. 

Usually, the thought of having that much responsibility made her winded, but as the day was fast approaching she felt rather… settled. Like everything had finally clicked into place and life was simple. 

Her cheeks ached. So did her feet. And her spine. Even her neck. 

Elide glanced at Aelin, who was standing behind the photographer’s computer, looking at the pictures. The photographer snapped his fingers and Elide sighed softly, lowering her shoulders and straightening her spine. 

With a regal smile plastered over her plush lips, Elide counted down the seconds until Aelin announced, “I think we have enough. Elide has places to be.” 

The dark haired woman relaxed, shooting her cousin a grateful smile as she stepped off the box and away from the blinding lights. Elide remained poised as she shook the photographer’s hand and Aelin swept her away. 

Elide was pushed into her dressing room and into a chair by Aelin. The second she was sitting, a team of estheticians started on her face and nails. They washed her face, getting rid of the photoshoot’s makeup for the more formal look she would wear for the ball. 

Her beautiful black coffin nails had been stripped earlier that morning and now, Elide watched as a woman applied a new set of acrylics. They were shorter than she preferred, but shaped beautifully. 

After they had been buffed and filed, they were painted a nude, which would match her toes after they finished soaking. 

Aelin and Lysandra fluttered around her, bringing her snacks and a bottle of water before they had to race off for their other duties. Elide took the time to relax as a hydrating mask was spread over her face. 

She might’ve dozed off until it was time to rinse and then have her skin exfoliated. After her eyebrows were threaded and her face plucked, Elide felt slightly raw as the hairstylist came in. 

“Hello, Your Grace,” the older woman said, smiling brightly with a twinkle in her kind eyes.

Elide grinned, “Philippa, don’t tease me.” 

Philippa chuckled, putting her bag down and standing behind Elide. She took Elide’s hair down, appraising the healthy shine of her locks. “I’m just playing, Elide. Do you know what you want to do?” 

“A low bun, I think. Nothing too fancy or distracting,” she said, feeling gleeful at the knowing light in Philippa’s gaze. She had once been Evalin’s personal advisor, mainly helping with her wardrobe and styling, as well as being a close friend and confidant. Elide had always admired - and still did - her godmother’s style. 

Philippa had stayed on with Aelin, helping the young woman through her more… tumultuous days. 

Elide caught Philippa up on what she’d been doing for the past few years. It had always been expected that Elide have a degree before she became the duchess. Thankfully, the program she’d been in had a three-year option, which meant that Elide hadn’t exactly had the time to visit or take a weekend off. 

With Philippa’s skill, her hair was neatly twisted into an elegant chignon that rested at her nape in what seemed like minutes. A few strands hung loose to frame her face and after Philippa secured the silver comb, fashioned to imitate a branch of leaves, she was done. 

Elide went to stand, to hug Philippa, but the woman clucked her tongue, “Stay there, I haven’t done your makeup yet.”

Elide shook her head and let Philippa do her work, only moving when she was instructed. 

A knock came from the door just as Philippa finished applying mascara to blend Elide’s real lashes with the false ones. It was Lysandra, who blinked at the sight of Elide, “El, you look beautiful.” 

Elide laughed tearfully, blinking her tears away quickly. Looking in the mirror, she took in the gentle, slightly shimmery brown eyeshadow and the rosey lipstick, only a few shades darker than her natural lip. “Oh, I do,” she gasped. Elide stood up and hugged Philippa, “You’re an artist.” 

“Well, it’s all the more easy when I have such a gorgeous subject,” Philippa replied, fussing over Elide’s hair for one last moment. “Now, follow Lysandra. I’ll see you at your party.” 

Elide eyed the garment bag hanging on one of the countless mirrors in the dressing room. Someone helped her into the second petticoat and then tied the stays, “Is that alright?” 

She breathed, testing the fit. It was snug, but not too snug so that she couldn’t move or breathe uncomfortably. “Yes, that’s quite fine.” 

“Good,” the woman said, moving to the bag that hung. She unzipped it and tugged the dress out, the heavy gown overtaking her arms. 

Another maid stepped up, the two of them lifting it over her head and settling it down. Elide slipped her arms through the shoulder straps and held the bodice to her chest as it was tied in the back. 

Elide kept her gaze down until it was fitting correctly. “You should be good, milady,” someone said, stepping away. Elide slowly looked up in the mirror, eyes taking in the dark green satin ball gown. 

It had a sweep train that extended about half a foot behind her. She looked higher, at the bodice. The dress was off the shoulder, the sleeves made of a sheer material covered by delicately beaded silver leaves.

The leaves cascaded down onto the sweetheart neckline, spilling down the front and the back before they thinned out over the skirt. Elide gasped again, so softly, “Wow.” 

She looked like a lady, like a duchess. 

Elide heard a noise and looked in the mirror to watch Aelin walk in, carrying a box in her hands. Aelin grinned proudly, still in her dressing gown. “Well, don’t you clean up nice?” She put the box down on the vanity, to come and look over Elide’s dress. “You have exquisite taste, dear cousin.” 

“Oh, thank you. And what’s in that little box of yours?” 

“A birthday present from me to you,” Aelin stated, spinning around to pick it up and open the top. She pulled out several velvet cases, laying them all out neatly. 

Elide rolled her eyes, “My birthday isn’t till tomorrow and- _and_ ,” she emphasised as Aelin looked ready to argue, “you’re throwing me a ball. Most girls would be satisfied with just the ball, Ae.” 

“I thought you already knew I’m not like the other girls,” Aelin said with a wink. “Ladies, would you mind giving us a moment?” The two maids shook their heads and swiftly left, shutting the door silently behind them. Aelin clapped her hands, “Come, come, and sit, my darling.” 

Elide huffed a laugh, but did as she was told. It was a slight challenge to sit with her voluminous skirts, yet with a little fixing, she could make do. 

With a theatrical flare, Aelin flipped the lids. Beautiful jewellery shone up at her, perfectly cut emeralds set into silver necklaces and bracelets, even a tiara. “Aelin…” she breathed, unable to form the words. 

“These are the ones I wore for my twenty-first birthday and I want you to have them,” Aelin said, picking up a necklace and unclasping it. 

“Aelin, it’s- it’s too much,” Elide insisted, fighting a losing battle as her cousin did the necklace up and fixed it just so. The silver was cold against her skin. Elide ghosted her fingertips over the gems. “Thank you. I just- thank you.” 

Aelin bent down, kissing the top of Elide’s head, “You’re very welcome.” 

Somehow, even with the heavy skirts and jewellery, Elide managed to move gracefully through the crowd. She was stopped every few seconds by well-wishers and by the time she made it over to where Lysandra was standing by a marble column, Elide was in desperate need of hydration.

Her green eyes were alight with delighted amusement, “How goes the ball, Ellie?” 

Elide groaned, gratefully accepting the flute of champagne a server handed to her. Before Lysandra could drink hers, Elide stole it, downing it after her own. She cackled at the look on Lysandra’s face, “That’s what you get for laughing at my misery.”

Lysandra rolled her eyes, “Well, don’t get too comfortable, hon. You still have a lengthy list of some truly spectacular bachelors to dance with.” She nodded her head to wear a pudgy, sweaty man was waiting expectantly for Elide. “Run along now, Lord Bigge isn’t a patient man.” 

Groaning quietly, Elide turned back to Lysandra, frowning and gesturing wildly with her hands, “This is an archaic tradition. I am not some prize animal, to be paraded around–” with her extravagant motions, her hand smacked into someone’s face. With a gasp, already apologising, Elide spun. 

Her eyes came into contact with a fitted tux covering what she assumed was an unfairly chiseled chest. Elide looked up, her mouth popping open. He was one of the most gorgeous people she’d ever seen, his skin like copper. His cheekbones were so sharp she feared if she touched them, she would slice her fingers. 

He was beautiful, despite the harshness of his beauty. It was tameless and strong, making the depthless black of his eyes seem… soft by comparison. “I am _so_ sorry,” she gushed, her handprint pink on his cheek. 

“Please, don’t concern yourself,” he said, his voice low and grating. It was unfair the reaction his voice had on her. Elide continued to stare, now taking in his hair, which was long and pulled back into a dark braid that fell sleekly down his spine.

He had full lips that quirked up at the corners when she continued to gawk. Elide felt her cheeks flush as she fantasised those lips against hers and how it would feel to have them– “Still, I’m- I’m so sorry. I’m normally very good at controlling my limbs.” 

“Well, I guess it was just my bad luck. I humbly accept your apologies,” the mysterious man bowed his head and then disappeared through the crowd, somehow slipping from view despite his towering frame. 

Elide slowly turned back to Lysandra, blinking once. “ _Who_ is that?” 

Lysandra shrugged apologetically, mentally running through the guest list and list of bachelors, “I have no idea. I’ll try to figure it out while you,” she gently pushed Elide towards her next partner, “dance with Lord Bigge.” 

Elide breathed in sharply to shake herself from her shock and pasted on a fake, cheery smile as she walked towards the man, her skirts trailing across the shiny floors, “Lord Bigge, good evening.”

“Milady,” he said, dabbing his forehead with a sweat-stained handkerchief before bowing deeply. Elide bit back her cringe as he offered his hand, his fingers short and stubby. “May I be so bold as to ask for this dance?”

“That would be lovely,” she lied, placing her slender hand in his palm. Oh gods, it was so slick. Elide followed him as the rather short man barged his way to the middle of the floor, where Aelin was being swept away and spun by Rowan. How lucky. 

Lord Bigge placed his hand on her waist, a little too high for comfort, and Elide rested her hand on his shoulder. Elide was by no means a tall person, but even she could see the top of his head, thin red hair combed over in an effort to cover the balding. “Would it be too forward of me to tell you that you are simply _ravishing_?” 

Elide suppressed the shudder that threatened to run through her, “Oh, thank you.”

He was not a good dancer and Elide did her best to smoothly follow his stuttered movements. He smiled nervously at her before looking down at their feet. Elide even thought she could hear him count the steps. 

She resigned herself to her fate, glaring daggers at Aelin when they passed each other. _I’ll kill you,_ she mouthed, shooting the same look to Rowan who had the good sense to wipe the smirk off his tattooed face. 

And then, just as she was about to pray for the floor to open up and swallow her whole, someone’s hand brushed up against her back. 

“I’m sorry I was late, sweetheart,” came a low, rumbling voice. Surprised, Elide looked up, her mouth popping open as she recognised the man she’d inadvertently slapped. 

“We are dancing,” Lord Bigge hissed, his doughy face twisted into a nasty sneer. He squeezed her waist, gripping the satin fabric tightly enough that an accidental gasp of discomfort left Elide’s throat.

“I see that,” the mysterious man commented, his tone dry enough to suggest he did not consider what they were doing to be _dancing_. Elide was still staring at him, now noticing the finer details of his face. 

His straight, prominent nose and hooded eyes suggested an Indigenous heritage, as well as his smooth, glowing brown skin. His hand hadn’t moved once since he’d first touched her and when Bigge’s hand squeezed her waist possessively, again, Elide found herself pushing back into the other man. 

The two men were locked in a battle of wills and soon enough, Bigge backed away, “Of course. Milady, thank you for the dance, however short it was.” He attempted to kiss her hand, but the flat, deadened look on the other man’s face quickly deterred him. 

Elide turned as Bigge backed away, her hands naturally migrating to rest against his chest. The man scanned his gaze over her, “Are you alright, milady?” 

Mouth suddenly dry, Elide nodded, swallowing once to regain her composure. “Yes. Now that you’ve saved me, will you dance with me?”

His dark eyes glittered in delight, “It would be my pleasure.” Elide felt a thrill when he gently took her hand, keeping the one on her waist a respectful distance on her ribcage.

As tradition stated, she was to dance with one of the ruling monarchs, which meant her first dance of the evening had been with Rowan. Rowan was a phenomenal dancer, as was showcased by his wife pleading with him to spin her around one more time again and again. Elide was surprised to learn that this man danced even better than her best friend or maybe it was because he was more in tune with her. 

They mirrored one another as they waltzed, only looking at each other. When he spun her under his arm, Elide gasped happily and rested her hand on his chest instead of his shoulder. 

A ghost of a smile pulled at his lips as he did it again, twirling her multiple times beneath his arms. Elide’s skirts flared out and she laughed. She had never felt anything like this.

When the song ended, she didn’t want to stop dancing with him and asked, “Dance with me again?” 

“Of course, milady,” he murmured. The music began again, a faster, elegant song that built up higher and higher. She barely heard it, though, too busy staring up at him like nothing had ever mattered and nothing would ever matter ever again.

But the song ended and Elide could tell he wouldn’t agree to dancing again. It was nearing midnight, which meant she would have to make a toast, but maybe if she knew his name, she could find him again. “Tell me your name,” she whispered. 

Slowly, the man leaned down and her eyes fluttered shut involuntarily. She tilted her chin up, waiting for the warmth of his lips on hers, but instead, he kissed her cheek, his lips lingering longer than was necessary. The clock struck midnight, chiming softly and causing a massive cry to go through the partygoers. He softly whispered, “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

He pulled away, his hands leaving her body, and when Elide opened her eyes to stop him from leaving, he was gone.

A lump formed in her throat and her heart sunk down to her stomach. In a daze, Elide numbly thanked wellwishers, feeling like she was passed along until she got to Aelin and Rowan. Immediately, they frowned, Aelin’s hands coming to cup her face, “Ellie-Boo, what happened?” 

Stupidly, her eyes stung with tears, “I just- I’m tired. I don’t know why- I was just dancing with the lord- he came in and- he left and I don’t- no one–” 

Rowan softly shushed her, “Hey, it’s ok, El. It’s just one last toast and we can end this early if it’s what you want.” 

“Yes. Please,” she whispered. 

“Are you sure it’s nothing?” Aelin murmured.

Elide nodded, pressing her lips together to stop herself from crying. It was stupid, it really was. She didn’t even know his name. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid, really.” 

So stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh if only we knew who she was dancing with ! it's such a mystery


	4. three

Sipping on her tea, Elide stared across the table at Ress, who was steadily ignoring her and looking at his phone. She reached her leg under the table and poked his thigh, “Who’re ya texting, Ress?” 

“No one,” he muttered, blushing at the message he received. Elide poked him again, idly scratching Bear’s head as she attempted to annoy her bodyguard into cracking.

“Come on, just tell me. I’m very good at keeping secrets,” she said, jabbing him sharply. He hissed and shoved her foot away, his cheeks bright red. 

“Elide, seriously, it’s- it’s _nothing_.” 

Elide hummed, “Whatever you say.” She sighed dramatically, batting her lashes at him as she speared a chunk of watermelon on her fork. “Pretty please? I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even Aelin.” 

“You won’t tell me what?” 

Ress shot her a pleading look as Aelin swept in, heading straight for the drink bar to pour herself a cup of coffee. Elide nodded imperceptibly and made a dismissive gesture with her hand, “Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just teasing Ress.” 

“Don’t be mean to him,” Aelin said, walking behind his chair and hugging him with one arm around his neck. “You’ll scare him away.” 

The door opened again, in walking Rowan who commented drily, “I don’t think there’s a single thing that could scare him off now, Fireheart.” 

Elide slowly drank from her cup, watching her cousin’s smile soften as her husband kissed her gently. Aelin deserved a love like the one she had with Rowan and Elide couldn’t be more happy for the both of them. She noticed Rowan had something tucked under his arm and nodded towards it, “What have you got there, Ro?” 

“This,” he said, tossing it down and sliding it across the dark mahogany table, “is for you.” Elide put her cup down and picked up the paper, a picture of her spread across the front page. The headline read _Perranth Welcomes Home Its Duchess-To-Be!_

Aelin slid into the seat next to her, trying to subtly sneak a piece of bacon down to Bear and failing miserably. Bear snatched it right out of her hand the moment she got a whiff of it. “Those pictures turned out well,” Aelin said, letting Bear lick the grease from her fingers before wiping them on a napkin. 

Elide nodded, “They did.” She flipped through the rest of the pages, scanning the article before dropping it down. “So, what’s happening today?” 

“I have a parliament meeting in an hour,” Aelin said, adding copious amounts of sugar and cream to her oatmeal. “Ro and I will be there for the morning.” 

“Am I not invited to parliament?” Elide pondered, knowing anyone who wasn’t a member or of royal status were barred from attending. Rowan rolled his eyes, quickly hiding his smile in his coffee. Aelin chuckled, sneaking another piece of bacon down to Bear. “Oh, woe is me. I shall wallow in grief until your return.” 

Aelin’s eyes held a wickedly amused look as she huffed, “Well, I should expect nothing less.” 

Elide walked with Aelin and Rowan through the castle to the larger of the conference rooms, where Perranth’s government was assembling. 

She mainly chatted with Rowan, as Aelin had her head stuck in her briefing file, going back between the meeting’s agenda and her personal notes. The queen barely gave Elide more than a vague wave before ducking into the side office. 

Rowan went to follow her, but stopped at the last minute to pivot neatly back to Elide, “El…” 

“Yes?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck, concern flashing in his pine green eyes, “You seemed really upset last night. Are you sure you were just tired?” 

Disappointment clenched her heart, at the fact that her mystery partner hadn’t even told her his name and Lysandra hadn’t been able to get it from the guest list. She shrugged her shoulder, “Oh, I’m fine. Just tired and a little tipsy.” Rowan’s worried frown didn’t ease. Elide insisted, “Really, Ro, I’m alright.” 

He muttered something and pulled her into a hug, still wearing a frown, “Ok, but text me if you want company, I don’t really have to be here.” Elide smiled and hugged him back, shaking her head slowly. “Ok?” 

“Yeah, ok, Anneith above,” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes and pushing him towards the doors. “Aelin is right.” 

“About what?” His silvery-blonde eyebrows raised, an innocently curious light entering his eyes. 

He looked so earnest to know that Elide almost felt bad about saying, “You are a mother-hen, buzzard.” She cackled as his mouth dropped open and quickly ran away, waving at him before ducking around a corner. 

Her laughter was cut short when she saw her uncle, Vernon, and one of the most prominent women in Perranth, Maeve Nathair. “Oh, pardon me. Good morning, uncle, Ms. Nathair. It’s good to see you.” 

Maeve gave her a disapproving look, making Elide feel self-conscious when her hawk-like gaze snagged on Elide’s right ankle and the corners of her thin-lipped mouth turned down. “Lady Lochan.” 

Without another word, the pair swept away. Elide rolled her eyes, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling of… catching them in the corner, looking like they were conspiring. She shook her shoulders and went back to the dining room, skirting around the staff to get one last cup of tea. 

Elide bent down as she stirred her sugar in, “Bear, come on, you can’t stay here the whole day.” The dog wore a look that told Elide she was not impressed by being found out. Bear hung her head low, moping as she padded over to Elide’s side. Elide laughed, bidding good-bye to the staff as she pushed Bear out of the room. 

Bear pressed against Elide’s right side as they walked down the hall, her tail not wagging for once. She followed Elide into the entertainment room, passing her owner to hop up on one of the large couches. After sniffing it and turning around several times, Bear sat, whining softly until Elide sat next to her. 

Elide shook her head as she scratched Bear’s stomach, “You are the biggest baby I know.” She picked up the remote and turned on the TV to the local morning shows, flipping through the channels. 

They were all talking about her ball last night and what everyone was wearing. Only Remelle had a different subject. Elide frowned, putting the remote down, and watched Remelle’s show. 

Seated at her desk, the blonde woman stared directly into the camera as she spoke. On the screen behind her, there was a picture of Elide dancing with Rowan, her head thrown back as she laughed. 

A headline flashed over it, reading _Trouble For The King and Queen?_

Elide rolled her eyes and turned the volume up as Remelle spewed nonsense about Rowan’s first dance not being with Aelin. 

_“Confirmed sources from royal staff have confirmed in the last few months, the monarch’s relationship has taken a downfall. Many attribute it to Queen Aelin’s near constant travelling and heavy workload.”_ A smug little grin appeared on Remelle’s face, _“If I were her, I would spend more time focusing on her_ delicious _king consort rather than unimportant busy work.”_

“Well, fuck you too,” Elide muttered, watching the rest of the segment out of pure spite. Bear shifted to rest her head in Elide’s lap, growling softly at the screen. 

_“And that’s the lowdown, with Remelle DuBois. Tune in next time–”_

Elide shut off the TV, “Yeah, I doubt that.” She rolled her eyes and stood up, “Well, B, where should we go next?” 

Bear loped after her, her nails clicking against the polished floors as they walked back to Elide’s rooms. She made a beeline to her bed, curling up and tucking her nose beneath her tail to sleep. Elide snickered and closed her bedroom door behind her, letting Bear have her little nap. 

She hadn’t had that much time to explore her rooms since her arrival home, so Elide opened the closest door in her entry hallway. It was a small powder room, just enough space for a toilet, a sink, and a mirror hanging above it. 

Elide looked at the artwork hanging on the wall, swearing she could see a shadow running along the wall next to it. Curious, Elide ran a finger down it, feeling a slight crash in the wall. With a small gasp, Elide pushed it and a section of the wall popped open. 

A cool gust of wind blew through the passageway, making her shiver. Elide glanced over her shoulder, debating just closing the secret door and forgetting about it but… curiosity got the best of her. 

She pulled out her phone, turning on the flashlight to see as she walked carefully. The passage twisted and turned, but there were no forks in the path. Elide ran a hand along the cold stone walls, looking up at the spiderwebs covering much of the ceiling. 

There was a soft light flickering a little ways ahead. Elide walked faster, eager to see what it was. 

The passage opened into a small room, the only exit the way she’d came. On the wall to her right, there was a small grate where the light was coming from. Elide looked at it, feeling around for a latch or something to open it. 

She found it and flipped it open, peering carefully through the peephole. Elide swallowed her gasp when she saw the parliament room. 

Her uncle was standing, a smug look on his face. Worry pumped through her and Elide looked to where Aelin and Rowan would be sitting. 

She only saw Rowan, the seat next to his empty. The king’s face was tight, the muscles in his jaws feathering. His green eyes were unreadable as he stared intently at his wife. Aelin remained poised from her standing position beside the speaker’s desk, but her hands were clasped tightly enough that her knuckles were white. “I beg your pardon, sir?” 

Vernon’s snivelling voice echoed up into the room Elide was watching in, “As of November of three years ago, when he turned twenty-one, he became eligible for the title.” 

“I understand that, Duke Lochan, but your niece is first in line.” 

Another member of parliament spoke up, raising a hand, “Not yet, your Majesty. Terrasenian laws state that a woman must be married before she succeed any royal titling.” 

Aelin made a helpless gesture with her hands, “We have never enforced that law, gentlemen. And- and this is the twenty-first century, by the gods. A man would never be forced to marry, why should Elide?” 

Elide felt tears well, her blood rushing through her ears. It couldn’t be true. She- all her life had been preparing her for this moment and because she was _unmarried_ , she was unfit? She couldn’t focus on anything the congress said. Her lungs started gulping down oxygen, her vision fuzzy. 

She was having a panic attack, this she knew, but Elide couldn’t ground herself to anything until a heavy mallet struck down. The startling sound frightened her enough and she looked back down, seeing the parliament members pack their things up. 

They filed out of the room, one by one shuffling towards the double doors. Elide flicked her eyes to Aelin and Rowan, hoping maybe they had reached a verdict, something that would help her. 

But when all she saw was heartbreak on their faces, Elide fled back to her rooms. 

Elide paced the carpet in her office, “How- how is anyone else in line for the title? I’m the only Lochan left and Vernon is the duke regent. He’s a placeholder, for the gods’ sakes.”

Aelin didn’t look up from the groove in Elide’s desk she had been staring at for the past ten minutes. She ran her nail along it, uncharacteristically silent. Elide looked to Rowan for help. 

He was standing at one of the windows, leaning against it with his arms crossed, a fierce frown gracing his face. Feeling her desperate gaze on him, Rowan turned to face Elide, sighing tiredly. “It goes back to the beginning, Ellie.” 

“What do you mean,” she whispered, picking at the skin around her nails out of nervous habit. “What aren’t you guys telling me?” 

Aelin finally lifted her head, the redness of her eyes making the blue pop, “I swear I didn’t know, El. No one- I didn’t know.” 

“You’re making me nervous, Ae,” Elide said, her voice trembling. “Just- just tell me. I deserve to know.” 

“Why don’t you sit down,” suggested Rowan, gesturing to the couch by the window. “We’ll tell you whatever you want to know.” 

Numbly, Elide walked over to the plush chair and sank down into it. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, “Tell me the whole story.” 

Rowan looked at Aelin, waiting for her to speak. The queen exhaled shakily, refusing to meet Elide’s eyeline. Instead, she picked at a loose thread in her pants, “The Lochans aren’t the only family in line to the throne. When- when Perranth was formed, there were two warring families.” 

“Who?” 

“The Lochans and… the Nathairs,” Aelin whispered, as if speaking any louder would summon some evil being. “The families settled here and fought over the crown. When-” her voice cracked, her face crumpling, but still, Aelin continued, “when the Lochans won, they agreed that if either ruling family couldn’t produce an eligible heir, the title would automatically go to the other family.” 

“But Maeve isn’t married either,” Elide said, a spark of hope igniting in her chest. She sat up, “She isn’t married either, how can she get the…” she trailed off when Rowan shook his head. “Oh, she isn’t- she isn’t talking about herself, is she?” 

“No, she isn’t,” Rowan confirmed, leaning against the desk. “Her brother, Cillian, had a son.”

Elide swallowed past the tightness in her throat, tears stinging her eyes, “How long do I have? They aren’t just giving it to him, right?” The conversation halted when the door opened, the three of them tensing. 

When they saw it was just Bear, intrigued by the noises, they relaxed. Bear ambled over to Elide, planting herself in front of Elide and growling. She bared her teeth and her hackles raised, the dog on edge due to her owner’s obvious distress. 

“No, you have time,” Rowan said. 

“How much?” 

He and Aelin looked at each other, avoiding Elide’s question. She repeated herself, her tone hard, “How much time do I have, Rowan?” She figured at least a year. It was still short, but she could make do. 

“Sixty days.” 

Elide gasped, floundering for the words. “No, that’s not right.” She looked at Aelin, pressing her lips together to stop from crying. “Ae…” 

Her friend dragged her gaze to Elide’s, whispering, “I’m sorry.” 

“But- please,” Elide pleaded, tears coursing down her cheeks. “Sixty days?” Rowan nodded solemnly, moving towards her with an outstretched arm. He let it fall when Elide shook her head, pressing herself further into the corner of the couch. 

“I’m so sorry,” whispered Aelin, her own eyes filled with tears. “I tried to make it longer, but…” 

Elide shook her head, “H-how can they expect me to find anyone I love enough to marry them in _two months_? It’s like-” she sniffed, crying anew when Bear bumped her nose into Elide’s leg, “it’s a big trick for an arranged marriage or…” 

But there was no ‘or’. It was the only option, she married whoever was most suitable or she lost her throne. “There is no ‘or’,” she said. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Rowan muttered. Aelin opened her mouth to say something, but Rowan cut her off, “No, Aelin. She doesn’t have to do this.” 

“How?” Elide asked, her voice cracking. “Tell me.” 

“Rowan…” 

Rowan shook his head, dismissing Aelin’s warning tone. “Elide, you don’t have to be the duchess. You- you can say ‘no’ and live a normal life.” 

Elide gawked at her friend, not entirely sure she’d heard him correctly. “Are- are you _serious_ right now, Rowan?” Bear whined, clearly distressed by Elide’s visible upset. The dog pawed at Elide’s leg, her tail tucked beneath her. “I’m not just going to give up. I can- I can do this. It’s my throne and I won’t let some pompous, crown-stealing bastard take it from me.” 

Aelin chuckled a bit, wiping her eyes. She stood, walking across the room, and sat down next to Elide. “That’s my girl.” Aelin wrapped her arms around Elide, shooing Rowan away over her shoulder. 

Feeling spent, Elide practically collapsed onto Aelin. She felt calmer when the queen started rubbing her back and speaking in a soothing tone, “We’re going to get through this. It isn’t the end of the world.” 

Elide nodded, not entirely believing Aelin. “Yeah. I’ll be ok.” 

It seemed almost silly to think that in the morning, her biggest concern was the name she didn’t get of the man she would never see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....hehe 🙈


	5. four

Elide stood underneath the water, her arms crossed over her chest. She stared at the black tiles of the shower wall, wondering how she would even be able to find someone to marry. 

The only viable suitors that would yield any sort of political power had to at least be lords, this she knew. Elide suppressed a shudder as she thought about the lords of Perranth. They were all decades older than her and, as demonstrated when she had to dance with them at her birthday, thought very little about personal boundaries. 

Most of them had spent the time staring at her tits and they weren’t subtle about it either. She panicked, thinking about what would happen if they insisted on her performing her ‘wifely duties’. 

She had voiced this concern with Aelin and Lysandra, her hands shaking when she told them. They had both assured her that there were other options for suitors and none of the bachelors she had danced with on her birthday met the requirements to be her husband. 

Elide turned around and tipped her head back under the shower, washing the shampoo out before lathering her long hair with conditioner. 

She stayed in the shower until the water became cold and wrapped her thick, fleece housecoat around her. The mirror was fogged. Elide sighed, rubbing her eyes, and used her sleeve to wipe a small circle in the middle. 

She frowned at the pallorness of her face, her hair clinging to her scalp like a soaked dog. With a sigh, Elide opened the cabinet and pulled out her haircare, plugging in her hair dryer. She combed through her leave-in conditioner and hair oil, making sure each strand was properly moisturized. 

Then, she sectioned her hair and blow-dried each part. She used her round brush so later, she wouldn’t have to spend so much time straightening it. Someone knocked on the door, a deep voice accompanying it, “El, can I come in?” 

“Yes, the door’s open,” she called back, knowing it was Rowan. He slipped in on near silent feet, the door clicking shut behind him. Elide swilleved on her vanity stool when he stayed at the door, a perfectly manicured brow arched. “What did you do?” 

“Why is that your first question?” 

She shrugged, drying the last section before she clicked the power button and put the tool to the side, letting it cool before she put it away. “You’re being weird. And you look guilty.” 

Rowan sighed, running his hand over his hair, sure to mess it up, “I know her nephew. We’re, uh… friends.” 

Elide blinked, “Friends as in you were classmates and grew apart or friends as in…” 

“Friends as in best friends and he’s my ex?” Rowan said, his voice higher than normal. “We grew up together and had a summer fling that turned into… not a fling and… yeah.” 

Elide frowned, “You grew up in Doranelle. How does someone from Doranelle have any claim over Perranth?” 

Rowan shoved off the door and sat down on the counter, kicking his toe into the floor, “His parents were divorced and shared custody. He spent half the year here and half in Doranelle, until his dad died.” 

Elide felt a pang of empathy for the man. The hurt of losing a parent was something that stayed with one for a while. “So… what’s he like?” 

Rowan let loose a dry chuckle, “He’s, uh, he’s something. Doesn’t talk much. Surprising sense of humour, he’s got a bit of a temper. Very blunt man, doesn’t take being lied to well.” A gentle, friendly sort of fondness washed over Rowan’s face. “I think you two would get along very well under different circumstances.”

Elide hummed, “So he’s a cranky old bastard like you, huh?” 

Rowan’s indignant scowl was answer enough. 

Against the polished floors, Elide’s heels clicked sharply as she walked down to the main foyer, where they were to greet Maeve and her nephew. 

She arrived after Aelin, Rowan, and Lysandra, who were all trying to play it cool but failing miserably. “So, is this appropriate to meet him?” she asked, turning around slowly for approval of her sleeveless, powder blue sheath dress. Elide propped her hands on her hips to pose, her hair shifting silkily over her shoulders. 

“You look wonderful,” Lysandra said, listening to something in her earpiece. “They’re here.” 

Elide curled her hands into fists, trying to quell her nerves. She tossed her glossy locks over her shoulder and flashed a dazzling smile, “Well, then. It’s time.” She sat down in an armchair, crossing her right ankle behind the left. 

Aelin sat in the chair next to hers, reaching over to squeeze Elide’s hand. “It’ll be ok.” 

“I know,” Elide said, her heart rate speeding up as Rowan walked across the hall to greet them. 

He was tall, she could tell that much, but Rowan’s build hid him from her view as they clasped hands and spoke quietly. Maeve walked in after her nephew, and Elide stood, dusting off her skirt. 

Aelin stood as well, wearing a professional smile as she took Maeve’s hands and kissed her cheeks, “Maeve, it’s nice to see you again.” 

“The pleasure is all mine, your Majesty.” Maeve turned to Elide, bowing her head the slightest bit. “Lady Lochan, you look lovely.” 

Elide smiled tightly, shaking Maeve’s hand, “As do you, Ms. Nathair.” As much as she loathed the woman, Elide couldn’t deny she had impeccable taste and she wore the clothes beautifully. 

Maeve nodded primly, half-turning to beckon her nephew to her, “I’d like to introduce my nephew, Lorcan Salvaterre.” 

He stepped up and Elide felt her jaw drop. He held her gaze as he bowed to Aelin, “Your Majesty.”

Aelin recovered from her shock faster than Elide, “Hello, Lorcan.” Elide didn’t hear what else her cousin said. She felt her cheeks burn, a combination of anger and embarrassment. 

She- 

He danced with her, saved her from Lord Bigge. And she had slapped him. Her vision went red as his lips twitched with a small smirk and she regretted ever wishing for the feeling of them on hers. 

Lorcan bowed to her as well, “Sweetheart.”

Without thinking, Elide raised her hand and slapped him hard, across the face. A sick sense of satisfaction raced through her when his head snapped to the side and a bright red handprint was left on his cheek. She turned on her toes, quickly walking towards the kitchens. That fucking asshole. 

Shocked cries left everyone’s mouths. As she turned the corner, Elide glanced back, seeing him wave Rowan off. He worked his jaw, chuckling quietly. Lorcan’s dark gaze flicked to hers, “She always does that.” 

Elide thought she deserved an award for restraining herself and not flipping him off. She fled to the kitchens, slinking around the staff. There was a tray of cookies and she snatched one up, quickly regretting it as she learned just how fresh they were. 

She carried it quickly to the back table and dropped it, blowing on her fingertips. Elide slumped into a seat, not bothering with correct posture as she broke off pieces of the cookie and ate them. 

She glared at the opposite wall of the nook, hoping the palace would catch on fire and Lorcan would be crushed beneath a burning beam. 

Elide savoured her cookie. It wouldn’t be long until someone came to find her. She was embarrassed. He had known who she was the entire time and- and what? Danced to play with her, to toy with her emotions? 

One of the kitchen staff slid a plate her way, piled high with cookies. Elide smiled, her foul mood lifting the slightest. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome, miss,” the young boy said, quickly returning to his task. 

Not long after, Aelin burst in, her eyes wide, “Elide! What the fuck was that?”

Elide sulked, muttering, “I’ve met him before.” 

Aelin slid onto the bench across from her, “When?” 

“At the ball,” she whispered, her throat growing tight. “He’s the guy I…” Elide felt so stupid. It must’ve been some joke to him and his aunt. 

“Ah,” Aelin said. “Your mystery man.” 

Elide nodded glumly, crossing her arms petulantly. “Yes.” 

Aelin was silent for a few moments, chewing on her bottom lip in concentration. “As the queen, I can’t condone you physically harming your royal opponent.” 

“But?” 

Aelin grinned wickedly, a feisty gleam in her eyes, “As your cousin, I say beautifully done.” Uncertainty flashed across her face, “What did he mean by ‘she always does that’?” 

Her cheeks flushed and Elide looked down at her lap, “Um, I might’ve accidentally hit him when I was ranting to Lyss?” She nervously glanced up at Aelin. “Please don’t make me apologise.” 

“Never,” Aelin said, “but we do need to return. Maeve has gone mad.” She stood up, her honey-gold ponytail swishing gently. Elide reluctantly stood up and looped her arm through Aelin’s, leaning her head on her cousin’s shoulder. “Personally, I would’ve gone for a kick in the balls, but a slap works just as well.” 

Bright, pealing laughter echoed throughout the hall and Lorcan tensed. Rowan shot him a warning look, telling him to keep his shit together and not antagonise Elide any further. 

His aunt was muttering something about Elide’s impropriety and how she would be  _ having a talk with Vernon _ for accosting her nephew like this. Lorcan decided it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to tell his aunt Elide slapping him was the highlight of the trip so far. 

He hadn’t meant to dance with her on her birthday, but she had looked like she needed help. Lorcan hadn’t missed the way that sweating lordling had pawed at her. And he hadn’t meant for it to feel like… that. 

He hadn’t meant a lot of things. 

Aelin and Elide appeared, the former shooting him a halfway apologetic smile. He could see right through it, knowing Aelin was bursting with pride for Elide. 

When his eyes slid to Elide, she turned her head, but her cheeks pinked when he continued to stare at her. She finally snapped and sent him a glare that could freeze Hellas’ fiery realm. Anger acted a veneer to shield the humiliation shining in her eyes, but Lorcan read it easily, a slight note of shame tightening his chest. 

He really was a bastard. 

“Please excuse us for the mishap,” Aelin said, patting Elide’s hand. Lorcan stifled the urge to roll his eyes, the look on Elide’s face confirming it was anything but a mishap. “Lorcan, we’d like to invite you to stay with us at the palace.” 

Elide’s eyes widened and she stiffened, shooting him another dirty look. Just because he could, just for that rush he got when she paid him any attention, Lorcan winked at her, “I’d love to, your Majesty.” 

Aelin smiled innocently, “Wonderful. We’ll send our staff to help you with your bags.” 

Elide stewed silently in the foyer as Aelin and Rowan saw their guests out. The minute the door closed, Elide cried, “Why would you  _ do _ that?” 

Aelin placated her, “Ellie-Boo, it’s to our advantage. We could never keep tabs on him if he was staying over in Maeve’s manor. This way, we can figure out their plan and stop it.” 

Feeling like she had gotten worked up over nothing, Elide mumbled something rude, “Fine. I guess that makes sense.” 

The queen scoffed, “Of course it does. I make the best plans.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so excited for this guys !! there's so much more stuff !! it's gonna be fun i promise ! fun fun fun in the sun sun sun


	6. five

Lorcan collapsed onto his back down on the cool grass, panting heavily and tossing a tattooed arm over his eyes.

He fucking hated cardio. 

Hill sprints were the worst, but he had figured they would wake him up the best. As he caught his breath, he stared up at the pale blue sky, dotted with fluffy clouds, dyed orange from the sunrise. 

There was nothing like the sunrises of his hometown and that quickly, Lorcan was cursing his aunt. She couldn’t have just let him be, let him resent his father for not being there, for never having time for him or his sisters. 

Aneha and Sadirah hadn’t wanted him to go to Perranth, but Lorcan figured… he owed his father that much. To see someone of his blood on the throne, he supposed. 

Elide was a complication. Since moving in, he had hardly seen her. 

More often than not, he ate some sort of dinner with Rowan, the old friends catching up on the years they’d missed. Lorcan thought, out of everyone, Rowan’s reaction to his pursual was the one he’d dreaded the most. 

He wouldn’t ever admit it, but he had been terrified. Their friendship and previous relationship had both been built on complete honesty. Rowan hadn’t been mad, per se, more hurt. Angered, but not angry, on Elide’s behalf. 

Their relationship intrigued Lorcan. They acted not unlike him and his sisters. 

His thoughts circled back to Elide, like always. Lorcan mentally berated himself, unable to wipe the look of hurt that flashed over her face when she saw him again. Fuck, why couldn’t he just mind his own business? She could handle herself. 

Lorcan sat up, groaning in pain at the stiffness of his tired muscles.  _ There’s a reason you don’t sit down after working out, dumbass _ , he thought to himself. He braced his hands behind him, pushing his body up. 

A blurred form moved towards him, crashing into him. In his unbalanced state, Lorcan fell back and let out a soft grunt. He looked up, finding a very heavy dog standing on his chest. Before he could do anything, he heard someone cackling. 

He couldn’t move, so he moved his head to the side, seeing Elide standing on the gravel path. She was laughing so hard, she had to bend over, her hands clutching her stomach. Lorcan rolled his eyes, turning his gaze back to the very fluffy animal. “Hey, bud,” he said, letting the dog sniff him. 

Elide called for her pet, “Bear, c’mere!” 

Bear snapped her head up, quickly bounding away and digging her back feet into Lorcan’s gut as a jumping off point. He swore low and slowly got to his feet. “Morning, Elide.” 

“Fuck off and go fuck yourself,” she said in a fraudulently sweet voice, her round lips flashing him a honeyed grin.

He laughed, unable to control how he perked up when she gave him her attention, “Eat shit and die.” Lorcan didn’t miss the way she ogled his half-bare body. Her face went a bit slack as she tracked her gaze over his chest. 

He could’ve sworn her cheeks pinked when they dipped lower. “Like the view, do you, sweetheart?” The moment the words left his mouth, her blush disappeared and she flipped him off before putting her earbuds back in and continuing on with her jog. 

Lorcan cursed himself, watching her ass in her spandex shorts. He liked seeing her blush, would’ve liked to learn how else he could make her cheeks turn red without him pissing her off. 

He had to remind himself Elide was a complication. Nothing more, nothing less.

_ Sweetheart _ . 

Oh, how Elide loathed Lorcan Salvaterre with her entire being. Him being built like  _ that _ only served to make her hate it that much more. People with chests as defined as his and his gods-damned Adonis belt… Anneith above. She forgot the point she was trying to make.

His tattoos fit him well. They were harsh, stark black against his skin, depicting what she assumed was a legend of his people, but she couldn’t tell. 

She left Bear with the groundskeeper for the day and walked to the entertainment room. Aelin, Rowan, and Lysandra were sitting in the plush movie chairs. Ress, ever dutifully, stood beside the door, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Elide threw herself down on the couch, scowling at the PowerPoint Lysandra and Aelin had put together of her options. “Let’s get this over with.” Aelin, from the chair closest to the couch, reached over and squeezed Elide’s knee reassuringly. 

Elide softened, lacing her fingers through Aelin’s as Lysandra clicked the remote. “Alright, there are many options, Elide. First up, Duke Perrington of Adarlan.” 

Looking at the slide, her instincts screamed no. Elide read the side profile next to his picture, which was less than promising. “Hmm, rich man… he’s only forty-two? He looks like he’s at least seventy years old.” 

“I think that’s the drug problem,” Rowan commented, glaring at the screen. “Not him.” 

Lysandra nodded and ticked something off on her list, clicking on the next slide, “Nox Owens? No title, but wealthy family, high education, early twenties…” 

Elide tilted her head to the side, surveying the picture. He was handsome, fresh faced. Startlingly slate-grey eyes, his hair inky and falling artfully over his brow. There was a certain edge of mischief in his eyes that Elide appreciated. “And he’s from Perranth?” 

“Mm-hmm. Has a business degree from Havilliard College for Boys,” Lysandra said, twirling her pen skillfully between her fingers. “What do you think?” 

Elide hummed, drumming her fingers over the couch cushion. “Shortlist him. Do we have any non-Erilean options? A marriage would strengthen political ties.” Rowan shot her a look, displeased by her surgical, logical approach to it. Elide didn’t care. If she was being forced into a no-doubt loveless marriage, she might as well gain allies because of it. 

“We do,” Aelin said, sighing softly as she took the remote from Lysandra and clicked through some of the options. Elide made her stop on one and turned, gawking at Aelin. 

“Hollin Havilliard? The sixteen-year old?” 

The queen shrugged, “They don't have a minimum marriageable age in Adarlan.” 

“Well, we have one here,” Elide hissed, snatching the remote from her cousin. “I don’t need a new reason for the lords to hate me and marrying a  _ child _ won’t exactly help me.” She shook her head, holding back a few very choice words back. 

She clicked through the next few slides, shaking her head no at the Southern Empire’s eldest, Arghun and his younger brother, Kashin. “I have no interest in fighting for another crown.” 

They debated and argued for the rest of the slideshow, all feeling frayed when they arrived at the very last slide. 

Lysandra looked exhausted, slumping her shoulders, “And the last man is… Fenrys Marama, Lord of Doranelle.” 

Rowan, who had just taken a sip of water, choked, coughing violently. The women looked at him curiously, their brows raised. Elide asked, “Are you alright?” 

He nodded, his face bright red, “Yeah, I’m fine.” His voice was strained and he drank deeply from his glass. “Please, continue.” 

Elide looked at him weirdly, but turned her attention back to Fenrys. “He’s so pretty,” she said, looking at the picture of him smiling. His teeth were straight and pearly white, one deep dimple on his right cheek. He wore his coily, dense hair in long, halfway thick locks. Gold wire cuffs adorned them sporadically, the light jewellery making an arresting contrast against his deep, umber complexion.

He had a short-bridged, wide nose that centred nicely on his face, the glint of a simple septum ring shining. 

“What do we know about him?” she asked someone, the question directed at no one in particular. 

“He isn’t set to inherit anything because he’s the second born twin to his brother, Connall. He’s twenty-two, just passed the LSAT with a 174 and has applied to a couple Terrasenian law schools,” Lysandra said. “Has a bit of a playboy reputation, but hasn’t been in any tabloids or articles for the past couple months.” 

Someone made a strangled sound behind them. Elide turned, her face showing concern for Ress. “Ress, are you alright?” 

Her bodyguard dropped his gaze, looking down at the carpeted floor, “Yeah, um, I just- excuse me for a minute.” He didn’t wait another second before fleeing from the room, the door slamming shut behind him. 

They all looked at each other in bewilderment, utterly confused by Ress’ strange behaviour. 

Aelin was the first to shrug, “He must not be feeling well.” Rowan nodded and stood up. “And where are you going?” 

“I have to call someone,” he said smoothly, kissing her cheek and messing up Elide’s hair. “Bye, Lyss.” 

Lysandra waved, spared by his juvelinity, “Good-bye, Rowan.” The silver-haired man closed the door quietly and his footsteps receded down the hall. “So, Fenrys?” 

Elide looked at Aelin, nodding once, “Fenrys.” 

Rowan checked his watch again, anxiously looking at the time over and over. He felt like he could feel the light tick against his skin and it put him on edge. 

Being on time had never exactly been Lorcan’s strong suit. 

Two minutes later, Lorcan strolled into the bar, nodding serenely in recognition as their eyes met. He moved carefully through the packed bar, more mindful of his movements due to his larger stature. 

There was already a glass of whiskey waiting for him as he slid onto the stool across the small table. “Hey, Ro,” he said, taking a slow sip of the amber liquor. “How’s, uh, Elide?” 

Rowan shot Lorcan a look, warning him not to push it. “How do you think, Lorcan? She graduated university less than a  _ month _ ago and now she’s getting married to someone she doesn’t fucking know.” He didn’t need to tell Lorcan it was his fault. 

Lorcan flinched and averted his gaze, remorse shining in his dark eyes. “I… yeah.” He toyed with the elastic on his wrist, pulling it back and letting it snap against his skin over and over. Eventually, he shoved his hair into a messy bun at his nape, his fingers drumming restlessly over the table. “Did she find someone?” 

Rowan leaned back on his seat, cocking his head to the side, “What’s it to you?” 

Lorcan shrugging, “Nothing, I don’t care either way.” Rowan snorted, shaking his head as he sipped on his drink. “What? Who is it? Don’t tell me it’s someone like Perrington or any Adarlanian guy.” 

“Thought you didn’t care,” Rowan said, his interest piqued by Lorcan’s… consideration. That he cared enough to know who an eligible husband would be. It made some sense, he would’ve planned this out with Maeve and Vernon. 

Rowan pushed away the thought that Lorcan wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t think about that now. 

“I don’t care, but if the first time we met, I… I dunno, saved her, I guess, from some gross little lordling. It’d be hypocritical of me to force a marriage between her and some junkie like Perrington,” Lorcan said, staring down at his whiskey like the crystal glass held all the answers of the universe. 

“Why did you dance with her, Lor,” Rowan asked quietly, his voice tired. 

Lorcan muttered something, his shoulders curling down, “She looked like she needed help. I know I’m a prick, but not that kind.” He knocked back the rest of his drink, grabbing Rowan’s empty glass as he got up to walk over to the bar. Lorcan stepped away, pausing when a thought crossed his mind. “So did they choose?” 

“Yeah,” Rowan said, meeting Lorcan’s nervous gaze. “They did.” 

“Hellas, Ro, fucking tell me already.” 

“It’s Fen.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bahahaaah look what i just did !! silly me   
> edit: Fenrys' last name "marama" means light in a variety of polynesian languages ! ummm basically i think moonbeam is a stupid name and so did my lovely friend ezra @tinywolfofeywllwe on tumblr, so he came up with this name ! all creds go to him and im very thankful he lets me use it haha   
> also ! both lorcan's sisters' names are tweaked from stars/constellations i thought were pretty ! this will be more apparent later, but i write lorcan as indigenous in all my fics (specifically lakota) so just keep that in mind for the future !


	7. six

“Ress, Ress, wait,” Elide exclaimed, skittering to a stop as she tried to turn the corner. Her soft spoken bodyguard had been acting strangely ever since they had invited Fenrys to the palace. 

He reluctantly stopped, not meeting her eyes. “Hey, Elide.” Ress slunk away when she tried to touch his shoulder and she dropped her hand, a little pathetically. 

She tried to smile, tilting her head to the side, “I-I feel like no one’s seen you for ages, Ress. You know, if there’s ever something wrong, you can talk to me about it.” 

“Not about this,” he whispered. Ress looked down the hall, looking for a way to leave. 

Elide tried again, not ready to just let him leave, “Was it your boy?” She had a slight smile in her voice, trying to get a rise out of him or at least make him blush. His kind eyes hardened and she knew she had said the wrong thing. “Wait, Ress, please, I’m sorry- I-I didn’t mean to–” 

“Elide.” He said, his voice hard, brooking no room for argument. “I don’t want to talk about this and definitely,” he huffed a icy laugh, “ _ definitely _ not with you, so please. Leave me alone.” Ress brushed by her without another word, walking quickly down the hall. 

Elide stood in shock, trying not to cry. After too long, she walked over to her old rooms, which they were fixing up for Fenrys. She nodded and tried to smile at the painters, whispering greetings to them. 

She sidled up to Lysandra, who was directing movers. “Hey.” 

Lysandra’s warm grin fell at Elide’s expression, “Hey, lovie. Wh-what’s wrong?” She ran a soothing hand down Elide’s back. 

“I think something happened with Ress and his boy and he- I think it’s my fault but I don’t know why,” Elide said, trying to not cry by tilting her face upwards. 

“How could it be your fault, El,” Lysandra asked, putting down her tablet. “He just wants a little space right now, I’m sure.” 

Elide nodded, not believing her friend in the slightest, but hoping she was right all the same. 

Lorcan’s phone rang and he didn’t bother looking at the caller before he picked it up, “Hello?” 

_ “Lor, is that you, you fuckin’ bastard?”  _

A lazy grin pulled at his lips and he sat back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk, “Marama.” 

Fenrys laughed brightly and Lorcan could almost see his friend’s shit-eating grin.  _ “Heard you're trying to steal some poor girl’s throne, hmm? Seems fitting for Hellas’ spawn.” _

Lorcan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, and you’re the poor guy they called to slap a ring on her pretty lil’ finger.” 

_ “Ooh, she’s pretty?”  _

Elide Lochan was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, but Lorcan kept that to himself. “She’s… nice to look at.” 

_ “Mmm, is that jealousy?” _

Lorcan felt something grow in his chest and he swallowed, some of his joking swagger leaving him, “Have at her, Fen. She’s feisty. I think you’ll like her.” 

Fenrys chuckled again,  _ “Tell me again how many times she’s slapped you. It brings me such joy.”  _

“Sadist,” Lorcan grumbled, rubbing his forehead. “And twice. The first was an accident.” 

_ “And the second?”  _

His cheeks burned and he was grateful he was in his rooms with no one around, “I… uh, I might’ve called her ‘sweetheart’ or something.” 

_ “Hellas save you, man. You really are a fucking dumbass.” _

Lorcan rolled his eyes again, “I realise that, Fen. When’s your plane getting in, anyway?” 

The man on the end of the line hummed,  _ “Mmm, in a couple days. Did you know I get a fancy room at the palace?”  _

“Yeah, well, me too,” Lorcan shot back, smiling smugly. “You aren’t that special.” Fenrys just huffed and something crossed Lorcan’s mind, “Hey, weren’t you talking to some guy? What, ah, what are you doing about that?” 

_ “I ended it,” _ Fenrys said in a nonchalant voice.  _ “He seemed fine with it, so no feelings were hurt, I guess.” _

“And what about you? Are you fine with it?” 

_ “Couldn’t be more fine with it.”  _

“Mmm, whatever you say, Fen.” 

Elide ran down the hall, trying to go as quickly as possible. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered, trying not to tip over in her three-inch heels. She was running as fast as she could, but her strides were shortened by her tight, fitted houndstooth skirt and the matching coat she carried in her arms. 

She attempted to slow down when she turned the corner into the foyer, but ended up sliding and windmilling her arms. Elide crashed into Rowan, groaning softly, “Shit, sorry, Ro.” She shrugged her coat on, flipping her hair out from under the collar. “How do I look?” 

“Ravishing,” said a new voice, one she had never heard before. Elide spun, her eyes landing on a beautiful man. “If I may say so myself.” 

“You must be Fenrys,” she replied, her cheeks burning. She surveyed him from head to toe. He had cut off his dreads, his hair now bleached blonde and shaved close to his skull. It was styled in a meticulous, 360° wave pattern, which no doubt took years of mastering. 

Fenrys smiled, his cheek dimpling, and then he bowed, “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Elide. I am humbled that you think someone like me could be your knight in shining armor.” 

Elide liked him immediately and laughed, holding out her hand for him to shake, “I am forever in your debt, good sir.” His hand was large and warm, his grip not too tight and not too loose. Perfect. “How was your trip from Doranelle?” 

“Oh, uneventful, I’d say. Lovely plane you’ve got,” he said, flashing her another grin. Fenrys’ dark eyes had a cheeky gleam in them that Elide instantly adored. 

“Oh, that old thing?” she asked flippantly. “That’s just something we have lying around.” Fenrys laughed, the sound warm and booming as it echoed through the hall. Elide smiled, turning back to Aelin and Rowan, who were in the midst of exchanging a secret glance. “Your Majesties, Fenrys Marama.” 

Fenrys bowed to Aelin, “My queen.” Aelin dipped her chin, sending a giddy grin to Elide.  _ I like him _ , Elide mouthed as Fenrys and Rowan said their greetings. 

Elide looked around for Ress, wondering if her bodyguard was feeling better. In his place, another guard stood, looking much more intimidating and imposing than Ress ever did. She turned to Lysandra, whispering softly, “Where’s Ress?” 

“He’s taken some time off, not feeling well,” Lysandra murmured back. “Now, you and Fenrys are going to have a walk in the gardens. A photographer will be there, but just ignore them.” 

Elide nodded, turning back to Fenrys. The man smiled again, offering Elide his arm. She slipped her hand into his elbow and he said, “Shall we?” 

“We shall.” 

Three days later and Elide didn’t think she would ever tire of Fenrys’ company. He was hilarious and kind, his humour more bold and obvious than Elide’s, but they paired well together. 

She had learned that his favourite colour was yellow, his birthday was exactly two months after hers - August twelfth - his favourite sport was soccer and he had gone to the University of Varese on a soccer scholarship. Though his degree was in political science, and he planned to become a lawyer, Fenrys had an aptitude for photography and carried his camera almost everywhere with him. 

His older brother, Connall, was quieter than him, the dark side of the same coin. They had grown up in Doranelle their whole lives. Fenrys said he was grateful that he was the spare, because it gave him the freedom to explore the world as he had always itched to do. 

“Ellie,” he called, beckoning her over to where he was bent over a flower bush. 

Elide walked over to him, leaning down next to him, “What is it?” 

“A butterfly,” he said, lifting his camera to snap a picture. It was as if the soft click of the frame had bothered the delicate creature and it took off, fluttering in the air to a new perch. Fenrys pouted, sad that his new friend left so soon. 

Elide chuckled, “Don’t worry, sweetie-pie.” That was a new thing they had started the other day. Elide called him ‘sweetie-pie’ and in return, Fenrys had dubbed her ‘honeybunch’. It annoyed everyone around them, these overly affectionate names, and the pair thrived off everyone’s irritation. 

Fenrys laughed softly and stood up, slinging his arm around her shoulders, “You hungry? I think it’s time for lunch.” 

She smiled, wrapping her arm around his waist, “You always think it’s time for…” Elide trailed off as a certain someone walked into the garden, a book in his hands. Immediately, she scowled. 

“Honeybunch, are you alright?” 

Elide nodded, still frowning as Lorcan sat down on a bench and opened his book. He must’ve noticed her staring and looked up, flashing her a cocky grin that she wanted to slap off his perfect, beautiful face. “‘m fine,” she muttered, balling her free hand into a fist. 

Fenrys looked up, following her eyeline to Lorcan, who he faked a confused frown at, deciding it would be best if Elide didn’t know their connection. “Who’s that?” 

“Hellas incarnate,” she said, tugging Fenrys along to the castle. “He’s the other heir. I hate him.” 

Fenrys nodded thoughtfully, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly, “Don’t worry, he won’t succeed. That’s why I’m here.” 

“Ah, yes, my knight in shining armor,” Elide said in a simpering tone, batting her eyelashes. 

Her friend rolled his eyes, bumping her with his hip, “Shut up, stupid.” 

_ My dearest honeybunch, snookums, Elide, _ _   
_ _ Meet me in the garden, at dawn, should you dare _ __   
_ Forever and truly, _ _   
_ __ Your most beloved sweetie-pie

Elide snorted at the note in her hand once more, shaking her head as she walked down the stairs. The whole proposal was planned out and still, Fenrys had used every loophole that he could to make it feel like it wasn’t just a business deal. 

She wore a pretty pink midi skirt and an oversized, cream-coloured sweater. On her feet she had on another pair of rounded-toe pumps, cream to match her top. Her hair was curled and loosely falling down her back, two sections pinned in the back to pull her hair away from her face. 

Nerves fluttered in her stomach as she walked out into the garden, spotting Fenrys sitting beneath a lilac tree. He stood up when he saw her, smiling broadly, “Good morning, Elide.” 

“Good morning, Fenrys,” she said, rolling her eyes when he took her hand and bent to kiss her knuckles. “Will you tell me why you’ve summoned me out here?” 

“Let us sit,” he told her, motioning her to the stone bench he had been resting upon. 

Elide sat, her hands folded in her lap. Fenrys joined her, his knee knocking into hers. She knew the paparazzi and the press were peeking through the garden fence and gate, their cameras flashing as they snapped a flurry of shots. “Over the past week,” Fenrys started, reaching over to hold her hands in his, “I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to know you and I have fallen desperately in love with your entire being.” 

Elide bit her lip to stop from laughing, nodding serenely, “Of course.” 

Fenrys’ eyes held a warning light, telling her if she laughed, he would laugh too. “And I can’t imagine the rest of my life without you so I ask thee,” he slid off the bench, smoothly pulling a velvet box from his pocket as he kneeled and flipped the lid open, “if you would do me the greatest honour in life and become my wife. Elide Amara Lochan, will you marry me?” 

She lifted her hand to her throat, the tears in her eyes forming in an effort to keep from snorting and ruining it all, “Oh, sweetie-pie. Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes!” Fenrys grinned wickedly and slid the ring onto her finger. 

Elide flung her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Fen,” she whispered, eyeing the diamond ring on her finger. 

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her with him as he stood up. 

For some reason, the sinking feeling in her gut didn’t dissipate and Elide had to hold back tears of grief. 

_ Everything is fine, _ she told herself,  _ you’re happy. The happiest you’ve ever been.  _

“I believe congratulations are in order,” Lorcan drawled as Elide walked into the library. 

She froze and turned, glaring at him. “Thank you,” she said tightly, her back straight. “I’m very happy with him.” 

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” he replied, smirking at her before returning to his book. He could tell she hadn’t moved and looked up again, “Is there something I can help you with, sweetheart?” Her cheeks reddened as her eyes flashed dangerously. 

Lorcan idly thought he should be scared of her, but he wasn’t in the slightest. He ran his eyes down her body, stifling the urge to reach out and wrap her up in his arms. She looked so soft in her black leggings and slouchy grey cashmere sweater that slipped down one arm. 

“I am,” Elide insisted, her knuckles turning white as she gripped her stack of books. “I am  _ very _ happy with Fenrys. We’re in love.” 

Lorcan snorted, looking down at his book. He didn’t read a single word, “Don’t be dumb.” 

“I am not dumb, Lorcan,” she hissed. 

“Hmm, I don’t think you’re dumb, I think you’re  _ being _ dumb,” he said, flipping the page. “Because if you were  _ being  _ smart, you would know that you could never be happy with Fenrys and,” he lifted his eyes up to her angered gaze, her cheeks still pink, “he could never fall in love with someone like you.” 

The angered light in her eyes guttered. It was replaced by crushing sorrow and she quickly looked away from him, “Well, you would know, wouldn’t you? I can’t ever imagine someone loving you.” Without another word, Elide turned away from him and walked deeper into the library. 

“Ready?” 

Elide breathed out slowly, resting her hand on Fenrys’ forearm, “Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

They walked to the formal dining room, their steps sure and measured. “You look rather dashing,” Elide said, appraising her fiancé in a fitted suit. 

Fenrys flashed her a grin, taking her hand and twirling her under his arm. Elide laughed, but the unwarranted thought in her mind was that it felt nothing like when Lorcan had spun her around. “As do you,” Fenrys said, resting his hand on her lower back, her black dress offering an open back. The neckline was square with delicate straps, its skirt ending just beneath her knees with a back slit that allowed her to walk normally even with the snug fit. 

Fenrys led her to the hall and Elide saw Ress standing with Lysandra at the door. He didn’t look pleased to be there, so she held herself back and simply nodded at him. He gave her a small smile and she tucked the little victory into her heart, not noticing how he glanced at Fenrys and immediately dropped his gaze. 

She didn’t notice how Fenrys locked his jaw and stared straight ahead, tears burning in his eyes, either.

“Are we ready?” Lysandra asked, her eyes sparkling. Elide nodded, shooting her friend a grateful smile.

She and Fenrys waited outside the room as the majordomo announced from inside, “Presenting, her royal Grace, Lady Elide, and Lord Fenrys of Doranelle.”

The double doors were pulled open by two men. The couple smiled and waved politely as they walked to their seats. Aelin and Rowan were standing at the head of the table. 

The queen stayed standing as the guests all sat, raising her glass of champagne to Elide and Fenrys, “Thank you all for joining us today as we celebrate the engagement of my dear cousin, Elide, and Fenrys. I could not be more happy for the two of you.” She lifted her glass as the others did and toasted, “To Elide and Fenrys!” 

Elide lifted her glass, staring across the table at Lorcan as he mockingly tilted his head to the side and toasted them. “To the happy, happy couple,” he said, just loud enough for Elide to hear him. 

Elide viciously cut a bite-sized piece of her veal, scowling the entire time at Lorcan, who just smiled back at her and chewed slowly on his own food. 

She hoped that he choked. 

He spoke quietly with his aunt, who looked like she wanted to throttle either Elide or Fenrys or maybe the both of them. 

Elide smirked at the thought, smug knowing she had bested Maeve. Her uncle looked displeased as well as he pushed his food around his plate, glowering down at something and on occasion, up at Lorcan. 

She watched as Vernon lifted his head to glare at her arch nemesis. Lorcan just sipped on his whiskey and regarded Vernon with a bored expression, his body language open and unimpressed. Glancing down his frame, Elide swallowed hard at the sight of his white dress shirt. Lorcan had forgone a tie, somehow managing to pull it off and not look out of place amidst Elide’s formally dressed guests. He wore a navy suit, the colour making an arresting match with his copper skintone. 

The top buttons of his shirt were opened, the white material straining over his muscular chest. She caught a glimpse of black ink and a flush appeared on her chest as she imagined tracing her tongue over it. 

Shaking her head, she looked up at Fenrys, smiling, “How are you?” 

He lowered his head to her ear, “I’m doing quite well, Elide. And you?” 

“I’m good,” Elide said, sighing in relief when servers cleared their plates for the next course. “Bit tired.” 

He slid his hand between the back of the chair and her, easing the strain from her shoulders with a soothing touch. Elide sighed, easing into it by a bit. It still wasn’t as comfortable as she wished it was. 

It was the touch of a friend, a confidant, but not one of a lover. Shame coursed through her as the memory of Lorcan’s hand on her back was the first thing she thought of. 

Fenrys’ touch was nothing like that and she wished so badly that it was. 

Lorcan watched Fenrys rub Elide’s back, watched how she let the royal, regal mask slip. A pang of jealousy echoed in his chest and he knocked back the rest of his whiskey, savouring the slight burn that accompanied the amber liquid. 

Still, she didn’t relax completely. An image of her, something his mind made up, took up his brain. Elide, tired and exhausted, melting into his side. She smiled sleepily, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his chest. He dropped whatever he was doing and lifted her into his arms, gently carrying her to a bed - their bed. 

The hissing voice of his aunt startled him out of his reverie. “What, Maeve,” he said, looking down at his plate to find that they had moved onto the last course of desert. Thank the Creator. 

“Were you even listening to a thing I said,” she snapped, viciously deconstructing the delicate chocolate and espresso _p_ _ ot de crème _ . 

“No.” Lorcan looked at Fenrys, who was shooting him a worried look as he glanced between Lorcan and Maeve and Elide’s horrid uncle. If Lorcan had to choose one man he hated with his entire soul, it was Vernon Lochan. He had heard the story of Elide’s injury and the moment he had met Vernon, he had had to refrain from inflicting the very same pain and abuse onto the weaselly regent. “What do you want?” 

His aunt huffed, “We still have a chance at the throne, Lorcan.” 

“Of course we do,” he said drily, watching Fenrys whisper something that had Elide covering her mouth with her hand as she laughed. Her eyes sparkled and her nose scrunched up and she looked so happy. 

Lorcan hated Fenrys in that moment. He hated him so damn much. 

Maeve had finally left. She had been telling him bullshit about how they could still win, Elide could still be ineligible. 

Eventually, he had just told her he would talk to her another day and he was tired. Lorcan stood on the dining room balcony, staring out at the forest. He had a crystal glass of whiskey in his hands, the singular ice cube melting. Lorcan had been waiting too long to drink it. 

The door opened behind him and he didn’t need to turn to know that it was Fenrys. 

“Lorcan,” Fenrys said, his voice low. 

He turned, offering a tight smile, “Congrats, Fen. I’m real happy for you guys.” Lorcan drank deeply from his glass, a slight buzz numbing him. “Real fuckin’ happy.” 

Fenrys arched a brow, not believing him in the slightest. In his hands, he carried an unopened bottle of liquor, “Really?” 

“Mm-hmm. I think you’ll,” he coughed, his throat tight, “you’ll make her really happy, Fen.” 

“Lor, don’t fucking lie to me.” 

“I am not fucking lying to you, Fen,” he said, his voice raising. “I hope that you make Elide Lochan happy. I hope that she makes you happy because if she doesn’t, what the fuck is the point of any of this?” He waved his hand, “Yeah, and I know it’s my fault, it’s all I think about.” 

Lorcan breathed in deeply, putting his glass down, “You told me you were in love, Fen. With that boy, you called me when you were blackout drunk and were crying over how much you loved him. How do you just… give that up for some girl you don’t know?” 

Fenrys sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes, “The boy… he didn’t love me. Not yet, at least, and I couldn’t stand waiting around for it so… yeah. I gave whatever that was up for some girl I didn’t know. She needed help, don’t you get that?” 

Lorcan just shook his head and pulled Fenrys into a tight hug.  _ Better than most people _ , he thought to himself, not noticing dark eyes watching him through the opened door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ! wowie lots happened that's a bunch of stuff ! i wonder what's to come next hehehe


	8. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's all going to be just fine 🥰 take a deep breath lovie

His smile was blinding, as always, but Elide didn’t believe him. There was something holding him back. “We’ve thwarted the wicked witch, El,” Fenrys cheered, lifting her up and spinning her around. 

Elide squealed, hitting his back as Fenrys slung her over his shoulder and sprinted down the hallway, “Fen, my whole ass is out!” She reached around, pulling down the hem of her black dress. Fenrys batted her hands away. 

“It’s only half out,” he pouted. “And it’s a nice ass, it’d be mean to only let me see.” 

Elide slapped him upside the head, hissing, “I don’t even let  _ you _ see it.” Fenrys snorted and slowed down, putting her down in front of her doors, holding onto her waist to make sure she didn’t tip over on her heels. “And I’m a future duchess, a  _ royal _ one, I can’t have any of my ass hanging out.” She crossed her arms, glaring up at him. 

“You’re a future duchess ‘cause of who, again?” 

She rolled her eyes at him, patting his face a bit too hard, “Don’t be a dick, sweetie-pie.” 

He laughed, tipping his head back. Elide laughed as well, their hysterical chuckles ringing out throughout the hall. 

Eventually they calmed down, grinning wildly as they wiped tears from their eyes. 

Elide looked at her door handle, “I should go to bed… do you wanna, I dunno, come in? I was going to watch something, hang out with my dog.” 

Fenrys nodded, “For sure, Ellie. My choice, ok?” He winked and opened the door, sneaking past her. With a flourish, he opened the door, bowing as he ushered her in. Elide shook her head at him, but the second she took another step, Fenrys had scooped her up and kicked the door behind him with a resound slam. 

“Fen, get off, fat ass,” Elide groaned, pushing the man off. It turned out that Fenrys was a cuddler and though they had fallen asleep on opposite sides of the bed, by the time Elide woke up the next day, Fenrys had wrapped himself around her. 

Fenrys whined, decidedly keeping his eyes screwed shut, “Where is my lovely fiancée running off to, so early in the morn?” 

“The gym, now  _ move _ ,” she growled, smiling triumphantly when he rolled away and she could get out of bed. 

“I’ll be lonely, with the bed so cold.” 

Elide glanced over her shoulder, moving out of the way when Bear bounded to the space she had vacated, “Bear can keep you company.” 

“At least Bear will never stop loving me,” Fenrys crooned, fawning over the overgrown puppy. “Won’t you, girlie, huh? No, I’m your favourite.” 

“That’s cause you give her treats when she’s not supposed to have any,” Elide scolded jokingly as she padded into her closet to change. 

When she walked back out, her long hair smoothed back into a high ponytail, both Bear and Fenrys were passed out, sprawled across the plush mattress. Elide chuckled and kissed them both on their foreheads before heading out. 

Lorcan danced on the balls of his feet, glaring at the heavy bag as if it had personally offended him before jabbing with his left hand and swiftly following it with a powerful roundhouse. The bag swung when his shin connected with it and Lorcan jabbed again, kicking once more. His hips twisted with the drive of his leg, making sure the kick was strong before springing back. 

After a few rounds - switching every minute - his knuckles were smarting from the rough wrapping and Lorcan stopped, breathing heavily. 

He could still feel his anger rolling in his gut so he carried out a complicated pattern that ended with a spinning back kick and the heavy bag straining against the chain it hung from as it swung wildly. 

Lorcan reached out, steadying it with his hand before he stalked over to his water bottle on the bench. He sat down heavily, his lungs burning. Practically ripping his wraps off, Lorcan blew away a flyaway strand of hair that had escaped the single braid going down the length of his spine. 

When the strand just settled back down on the bridge of his nose, Lorcan glared at it, pushing it back. 

“Why don’t you just redo your braid?” 

He shut his eyes, managing to keep his mouth shut and not curse aloud. With more control than he thought he had, Lorcan stood up and did not look at Elide, “I can’t.” 

In the corner of his eye, he saw her prop her hand on her hip, tilting her head to the side in a condescending way, “Why not?” 

Lorcan almost told her to fuck off and mind her own business, but he’d promised Rowan and Fenrys that he would do his best to be civil. In a terse tone, he bit out, “Hair is sacred. I have to have the right intentions when I touch it and I’m pissed right now, so.” 

“Why are you pissed?” Any condescension seemed to have left her stance, replaced with intrigue. That probably had more to do with a desired elaboration of what his hair meant to him - not that Lorcan had any inclination to do so - than his being pissed.

He snapped, “Do you always ask this many questions?” 

Elide rolled her eyes, somehow looking down her pert nose at him despite the fact he towered over her by almost half a metre, “I was just wondering.” 

“Well,” he narrowed his eyes, giving her a mocking smile, “don’t.” Lorcan sipped from his water bottle, watching her carefully as Elide moved around him. He tensed when she walked behind him. 

Elide noticed, her face somewhat falling. “I’m not going to touch your hair, Lorcan,” she said quietly. “I would never do that.” 

Lorcan was speechless. He slowly put the bottle down, trying to find the words. Elide frowned, looking down at the floor. She picked at her nails, frowning harder at the ring on her finger. Without a thought, Lorcan quipped as he stood, “Having second thoughts, sweetheart?” 

Like always, she snapped her head up, “No, I am not. And I am not your sweetheart.” 

“Mmm, I see that you enjoy the possessiveness, but I didn’t say  _ my _ sweetheart… sweetheart,” he said, with a wink and somewhat filthy grin. “Have a fun workout, Elide.” Lorcan picked up his t-shirt before sliding past her to the treadmill to cool down. 

Elide fumed as she pulled herself up on the bar and slowly lowered herself. She glared into the mirror at Lorcan, who was jogging on a treadmill. 

She finished her pull-ups and dropped down, landing lightly on her feet. About to move to her next rep, Elide looked over her shoulder to find the door swinging shut behind Lorcan. 

Something like anger, anger she’d never known, sparked in her chest and Elide chased after him, slamming the door open, “Hey!” 

Lorcan glanced behind at her, a brow arched, “What?” He didn’t stop walking, his long legs eating up distance faster than hers ever could. Elide sped up, her pace faltering when her ankle smarted. 

She didn’t notice how he slowed slightly, a concerned gaze zoning in on her leg. Soon enough, Elide had caught up to him, “I don’t get what your fucking problem is. What did I ever do to you that was so bad that you felt the need to tell the whole world that  _ I _ was unfit for what I was born to do?” 

Lorcan stopped walking and looked down at her with a blank expression. 

Elide seethed, hissing, “I know you think I’m some joke, Salvaterre. Did you and your horrid aunt sit around with that horrid lordling to plan that dance? Wh-what, you came to save me like you were a fucking hero only to humiliate me?”

“We danced for a minute, Elide,” he said drily, “not exactly what I would plan, if I had planned it.” Her heart cracked a bit in her chest, to hear him be so dismissive about it. Despite herself, despite everything that had happened, it meant something to her. It meant so damned much to her.

She frowned, shrugging her shoulder, “It was more than a minute.” 

Amusement stole across his breathtaking face. His perfectly shaped lips curled into a crooked smile, “Well, maybe a minute and a half.” 

“Fine, it was a minute and a half, but you lied.” 

He tilted his head to the side, “And how did I do that?” 

Elide crossed her arms over her chest, “ _ You _ didn’t tell me who you were and that you were trying to steal my title.” 

Lorcan rolled his eyes, “Oh, forgive me, your royal Grace, I guess I forgot that it’s customary to show a girl your entire family tree before dancing with her.” 

She gasped, “Oh, you- I’m going to kill you.” They heard voices down the hall and Elide grabbed his arm, dragging him with her into a cozy broom closet. She flipped the light on, glaring up at him, “The lie dance is not the point, Lorcan. It’s–” 

“What is the point then,” he asked, flicking the light off. 

Elide sent him a withering glower before she turned it back on, “The point is that I’m onto you. I know what you’re trying to do.” 

Lorcan raised his brows in a fake impressed look, “Oh, really?” 

“Yes,” she hissed. “Do you not think I saw you last night, talking to Fenrys?” 

Elide couldn’t discern what flashed over his face before he schooled it into a visage of cool neutrality, “I was already on the balcony. Your fiancé came to talk to me, so…” 

“That is irrelevant. I beat your little game and you’re trying to cheat at it. I’m going to marry Fenrys, Lorcan, why does that annoy you so much?” 

“You don’t know a fucking thing about him. He has his own life, you know. Fen doesn’t magically exist to fix your problems,” Lorcan snapped, a different type of indignation flaring in his gaze. Elide played it off as jealousy and the bitterness of defeat now that there was nothing in her way. 

“Problems,” she laughed coldly, stepping in as close as she could and stabbing her sharp nail into his chest, “that  _ you _ created, Lorcan. You think I’m any happier with uprooting his life?” 

He shrugged, his face settled into cold disdain.

Elide laughed again, the sound hollow. She opened her mouth, about to rip into him when someone opened the door. She tried to jump back, but in the enclosed space, there was nowhere to go. 

The poor maid gasped, her eyes as wide as saucers. They snapped between Lorcan and Elide and she stammered, “O-oh my g-go-ds, I-I’m, I am  _ so _ sorry, ma’am.” 

Elide tried to argue, but the girl closed the door, ignoring her protests. She rounded on Lorcan, her gaze like a live wire. “ _ You–” _

Lorcan reached for the door handle, turning it and pushing the door open, “You should really learn more about your  _ fiancé _ .” 

Without another word, he stalked away, leaving Elide stunned in the broom closet. 

Channeling all her anger into her arm, Elide threw the stick and watched it as it sailed through the air. Bear barked once, quickly tearing after it into the woods. 

Someone whistled from behind her. Elide whirled, relaxing slightly when she saw that it was only Fenrys. “Damn, Lochan, you’ve been holding out on me. Who knew you could throw like that?” 

“Thanks,” she said shortly, turning back to keep an eye on Bear. “What are you doing out here.” 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Fenrys commented, sidling up to stand next to her. It was late and dark, but with the lights of the palace, Elide could see that he had already gotten prepared for bed. The hood of his Doranelle University hoodie was pulled over his head, but the shine of the silk durag he wore to protect his waves peeked through. “Lorcan told me he saw you out here.” 

Elide scowled, not answering as Bear bounded back and dropped the stick. Her heavy tail wagged enthusiastically as she sat and waited patiently. Fenrys picked up the stick before Elide could and tossed it, smiling at the way Bear eagerly chased after it. “So, what’d Lorcan do this time?” 

She groaned, letting out a slight scream of frustration, “I hate him so much. He- I- I can’t even articulate  _ how _ much he bothers me. Like, today, for instance,” Elide didn’t notice Fenrys’ cheeky grin as she launched into her tirade, “I went to the gym and he’s just  _ there _ , being pissed for no good reason and acting like I would- would hurt him in some way!” 

He tilted his head to the side, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweatshorts, “How did you get that?” 

Elide rolled her eyes, “His stup- his braid was coming undone and he kept blowing away the hair and so I asked him why he didn’t just redo it and he-” she breathed in deeply, exhaling slowly to collect herself, he supposed. “He told me that he couldn’t redo his braid without good intentions and since he was angry, he wouldn’t do it. I mean,” she scoffed, “what does  _ he _ have to be angry about? If anything,  _ I _ should be the pissed off person in this scenario. And I am!”

His friend began to pace back and forth, not noticing how Bear trotted back to drop the stick down in front of Fenrys. “Then he tells me that me uprooting  _ your _ life is somehow  _ my _ problem when he’s the thief. Throne thief.” Elide threw her hands up, “And, like, he’s acting like he knows you and you guys are friends…” she trailed off, the words dying in her throat when Fenrys looked away and pushed his hood down. 

He ran his hand over his wave cap, blowing out slowly. 

“You guys are friends.” Elide drew back, wrapping her arms around herself. “Well, ok, um… I think I need a minute–” 

“El, it’s really not like that. He didn’t know until I got here and- and we haven’t seen each other in years,” Fenrys protested. “We went to the same boarding school and we roomed together with my brother and Rowan and his cousin Vaughan. I’m not helping him with any of it, I would never do that.” 

Elide looked at him distrustfully, staring directly into his eyes. Fenrys fought the impulse to avoid her piercing gaze. After a few moments, Elide sighed, her shoulders slumping inwards, “Of course, I’m- I’m sorry, Fen. He just drives me fucking crazy.”

Fenrys raised a lightened brow, giving her a slow smile. Elide glanced at him momentarily, distracted by Bear, who was barreling at full force towards the pair. She looked back at him in shock and horror, “Oh my gods, no, Fen! I am not into  _ Lorcan _ .” She hissed his name with a visceral disgust. 

He picked up the stick before she could and hurled it away, laughing as he ran after the dog, “I didn’t say anything!” 

Elide exclaimed in rage, flipping him off when he looked over his shoulder, “Yeah, you better fucking run, Marama!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ! lorcan is indigenous in this story, specifically lakota, and his hair holds a lot of meaning !   
> here are some super cool links for you to educate yourself further on the significance of hair in lakota culture because i am the furthest thing from an expert!   
> https://sistersky.com/blogs/sister-sky/the-significance-of-hair-in-native-american-culture   
> http://keepersoftheword.org/traditions/native-americans-long-hair/  
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/understanding-grief/201710/death-and-bereavement-among-the-lakota


	9. eight

“Lorcan,” snapped a sharp voice. He groaned into his pillow, screwing his eyes shut at the threat of sunlight. 

“What do you want, Maeve,” Lorcan bit out, not in the mood for his aunt’s conniving bullshit this early in the morning. He was here as a favour to his father and nothing,  _ nothing _ more. “I’m sleeping.” 

“It’s almost eleven o’clock and Miss DuBois will be here at noon,” she hissed, trying to rip his duvet away. Lorcan swore and pulled it back, just remembering that Maeve was forcing him to take  _ Remelle DuBois  _ of all people as his date. He turned onto his back and sighed through his nose. 

“So? The fucking thing doesn’t even start till one, let me  _ sleep _ ,” he protested, flinging his arm over his eyes. “You lost, Maeve. The title is Elide’s.” Neither missed the fact that he said ‘you’, further confirming that his stake was not as… passionate in his aunt’s cause. 

Maeve scoffed dismissively, glaring out the windows into the gardens where workers were setting up for the garden party. The guest list was filled with Terrasen’s elite, all joining to celebrate Elide and Fenrys’ upcoming nuptials. “It’s not over until she puts that damned ring on his finger, the little sneaky bitch.” 

“Don’t call her that.” The words escaped him before Lorcan’s brain could catch up with what Maeve was saying. She paused, looking at him curiously. Lorcan rolled his eyes and got out of bed, “I’m going to change now so do you think you could possibly fuck off?” There was no lost love between nephew and aunt. 

“We are not finished here.” 

“Get out of my room.” 

Fenrys kicked his feet as Elide sat patiently. Lysandra chastised the man, who was already dressed in a grey suit. His tie and pocket square matched her sage green tea dress. It had flutter sleeves and a modest v-neckline. The dress cinched at the waist before the chiffon skirts fell elegantly to just beneath her knees. 

Philippa pinned Elide’s old school, Hollywood curls so they tumbled down one shoulder. She stepped back after applying a light layer of hairspray to ensure it would stay in place during the afternoon. “Now, you’re all ready for the party.”

Elide chuckled. She stood, slipping her hand into Fenrys’ elbow, “You’re a true artist, Philippa.” 

“Oh,” the older woman waved her hands, “nonsense. I had a beautiful subject to work with.” Philippa handed her a lace fan, a sage ribbon hanging from it.

“That you did,” Fenrys said, dipping his head to kiss his fiancée’s cheek. He grinned at Elide’s blush when she pushed him away. 

“Stop flirting with me.” 

“Ugh, I love it when you tell me I’m not allowed to flirt with my betrothed.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and turned on her white and strappy heels. She tugged Fenrys along, shouting a ‘thank you’ over her shoulder to Philippa. Fenrys kept her laughing the entire way to the garden with witty jokes and snarky comments. Elide snorted, trying to keep her composure when they turned the corner and ran into her uncle. 

“Your Grace,” Fenrys said, bowing. Elide curtsied a bit, murmuring his name. 

“Lord Marama, I see you’re still here.” 

“Well, yes, sir. I wouldn’t abandon my fiancée three weeks before the wedding,” he answered smoothly, slipping his arm around Elide’s waist and resting a somewhat possessive hand on her hip. She suppressed the shiver, shuddering for all the wrong reasons, even though Elide knew it was all for show.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” 

Elide nodded, nudging Fenrys towards the doors, “We’re leaving now, uncle. I hope you enjoy the party.” She grabbed the hand Fenrys had on her hip and pulled him away. 

“I doubt it,” Vernon called after the pair as Elide pushed the door open. 

Feeling Fenrys stiffen, Elide dug her white painted nails into his hand, “Leave it. He’s a senile old man.” She glanced back at him, staring him down until he nodded, the muscle in his jaw clenching. “Hey.” Elide stopped short, gripping his chin, “Fenrys, I have lived with him my entire life. You have known him for  _ a week and a half _ . Don’t, for a single second, think you know what is best for me and how  _ I _ should handle my abuser.” His eyes broke and she softened, “Fen, I know you have a good heart and that you want to protect me and I-I love that. Really. But, please, don’t try to do what only I can do for me.” 

He nodded, his full lips quirking up at the corners, “Yes, ma’am.” 

Elide clicked her tongue, “Come on, we have a garden party to host.” They walked powerfully to the entrance of the gardens. Before they turned the hedge that would put them in full view of the guests they could hear chatting lively, Elide paused. 

“Hey,” Fenrys said, his brows - lightened to match his hair - furrowed, “are you alright?” 

“Mm-hmm,” she replied, closing her eyes for a second. “Just need a second. I’m fine.” 

The blonde man nodded and slid his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited. A few silent moments later, Elide plastered on a cheery smile that he cringed at, “For fuck’s sake, that’s so scary.” He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, pasting on an equally jarring grin, “Ready, honeybunch?” 

“Let’s knock ‘em dead, sweetie-pie,” Elide chirped, giggling like she had gone mad. Fenrys held out his elbow again, graciously leading her around the bend. 

Someone announced them and they spent what seemed like an eternity smiling, waving, and thanking people for coming. Elide’s cheeks were burning from the strain of her beam when they had finally wrapped up the greetings. 

“Drink?” 

Turning to the bright voice, Elide sighed in relief to see Lysandra there. Aelin and Rowan were standing a few metres off, speaking to some elderly couple - no doubt royals of some kind. “Yes, gods, please,” she said, taking the champagne from Lysandra's hand. She had the grace to not chug it like she wanted to and sipped politely. 

A server passed by with a tray of smoked salmon and cream cheese cracker bites. Elide took one, about to pop it in her mouth when Aelin and Rowan walked over. A flurry of something caught her eye and she peeked around Fenrys and Rowan to see who it was. “Oh, he did  _ not  _ just do that,” Elide cursed, narrowing her slender eyes. 

“Who,” Aelin said, turning to track her cousin’s gaze. When she saw Lorcan standing at the entrance, she figured that was the only thing to set her off. But then a pale skinned, pale haired, and pale eyed woman stepped out from the shadow of his broad frame and Aelin went red in the face. “ _ Remelle _ ? He brought  _ Remelle _ ?”

The boys coughed, quick to turn and stare. Lorcan caught their gazes and sent them a pained look, subtly indicating Maeve, who was standing at a table with a smug look on her face. “Oh, well,  _ that _ makes more sense,” Fenrys muttered, nudging Rowan, who nodded in agreement. 

Lysandra frowned, scrolling through her iPad. The woman never went anywhere without it, “Maeve… did not tell me who Lorcan’s date was. And I made sure everyone knew who was not permitted and Miss DuBois is–” 

“Lys, please, don’t worry about it,” Aelin assured her dear friend. “It’s not your fault, you’ve done an exceptional job, as usual. It’s just… Maeve being Maeve.” Lysandra nodded, but quickly excused herself. As she left, they all heard her speaking tersely into her earpiece, wanting to know  _ who _ exactly had been at the entrance when they arrived. All security details were required to know the guestlist. 

When Remelle looked their way, Rowan quickly turned away, his skin crawling as he felt her predatory stare burn into the back of his neck. The king consort twined his fingers through the queen’s, tilting his head to the side, “I’m sure there are more stuffy lords we haven’t said hello to yet. Let’s go do that now.” 

Aelin nodded, flashing him her signature golden smile, “Of course.” She looked at Elide, who was still glaring at Lorcan, who was smiling back at her. To the untrained eye, it would look like a smirk, but Aelin knew Lorcan a bit better than that. His eyes sparkled with delight and affection. 

She glanced at Fenrys, sharing a look with him.  _ Have fun with… that _ . 

He rolled his eyes, shooing her away, “Go, enjoy yourselves, kiss a bunch of old white guy ass for me.” 

“Oh, I will, I know it’s your favourite, Fenny,” Aelin quipped. With a flourish, she marched off, pulling a somewhat reluctant Rowan behind her. 

_ Hellas, she looks amazing _ . 

“There’s the little cripple girl,” Remelle said, waving her fingers vaguely. 

Lorcan rounded on her, pulling his attention away from Elide, “Excuse me? Don’t say shit like that, what is  _ wrong _ with you?”

“Oh, testy, aren’t we,” she purred, reaching a slender hand up to tweak something about his hair. He moved, his reaction swifter than her motion. Remelle rolled her icy blue eyes, huffing slightly and looking down at her sharp nails, “Are you still anal about your hair? It’s just  _ hair _ .” 

He didn’t even deign to respond to her, knowing she would never get it through her dense skull.  _ Must be all the bleach damage _ , Lorcan thought to himself. There was no way someone’s hair could be  _ that _ white, naturally, at her age. “I need a fucking drink,” he muttered, not bothering to see if Remelle wanted anything before stalking off to the bar. 

His aunt was waiting for him there and Lorcan pointedly ignored her as he ordered a whiskey sour. “Lorcan,” she hissed, his name sounding like a curse on her tongue, “why aren’t you with your date?” 

“Because she’s an unbearable cunt of a human being,” he grumbled, thanking the bartender and digging out a green twenty for the tip. He had worked shit jobs like serving and knew how stingy the one percent was. “Thanks, man.” 

“You’re welcome, sir,” the bartender said, smoothly putting the tip in his pocket and turning to the next guest. 

Lorcan took his drink, taking a long sip before addressing his aunt, “Maeve, what do you want?” 

Her dark, creepily dark, eyes flashed dangerously, “Boy, get yourself in line. She came here as a favour, got it?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Lorcan saluted her sarcastically, his gaze jumping over her head when a vision dressed in gentle green caught it. Elide glared at him, pointing with her closed fan to a path in the hedges. This would be fun. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more pressing matters at hand, auntie.” 

He stepped around her, striding through the partygoers to Elide. “And to what do I owe the pleasure for this?”

Elide glared up at him, actually having to tilt her head back to even look him in the eye. It was cute, even if the glare was murderous. Elide turned neatly, walking angrily into the path. Lorcan followed, biting back his smile. “Are you going to murder me, sweetheart?” 

No answer. They came to a fork in the road and Elide turned left, leading him to an opening with a bubbling fountain. There, she whirled, “You brought  _ Remelle _ as your date?!” 

“Why, yes. She’s a fine young lady,” he said, delighting in the way he was able to provoke her so easily. 

“She’s a heinous bitch,” Elide spat, beginning to pace back and forth. 

“Why do you care who I bring as my date?” 

She paused, deciding to step onto the stone lip of the fountain. There, now she was almost eye-level with him, “I don’t.” 

Lorcan raised his brows, looking at her in disbelief, “Seems that way.” 

“Well,  _ you _ seem to care a lot about my relationship, it’s only fair that I care that much about yours.” 

He scoffed, draining his drink and putting the empty glass down on the edge of a bird bath. “Your relationship with Fenrys is no more real than mine with Remelle.” 

The fan caught between her hands was gripped so tightly Elide’s knuckles were white. Still, her voice was calm, collected, “Fen told me you were friends. I was surprised.” 

He looked at her suspiciously, willing himself not to look at her lips and hold her gaze, “Is there a reason for your surprise?” 

“Well, it seems to me that if he were your friend, you would support it. You know,” she shrugged, her smile saccharine sweet, “for his happiness.” 

Cool anger flowed through his veins and he didn’t bother thinking before he spat words he might’ve come to regret, “You couldn’t make Fenrys happy if you were married to him for a hundred years. I told you already, he will never love you.” Elide would never love Fenrys either, but Lorcan didn’t bother telling her what she no doubt already knew. 

In her eyes shone hurt that was quickly replaced with heated rage. Elide hit his shoulder with her fan, “I loathe you.” Her face was centimetres from his, he could smell the intoxicating scent of her elderberry and cinnamon perfume. The delicate and spiced fragrance had haunted him for weeks now. 

“Well, I loathe you,” Lorcan murmured, the tone too low and too enticing for it to be anything but a bedroom voice, "sweetheart."

Elide’s breath hitched and in that moment, Lorcan would’ve done anything she commanded of him to make her do it again and again and again. Her eyes flicked to his lips before dancing back up to his. Neither knew who moved first and neither cared as Elide’s arms slid around his neck and Lorcan’s slipped around her waist. 

The kiss was hungry and biting, but a perfect harmony anyways. She tasted like champagne. Lorcan swore he could get drunk off her embrace as Elide nipped his lip, her tongue flicking over the small sting to soothe it. 

Lorcan pulled her closer, craving the feelings of her feminine curves and softness against his harsh contours and planes. She sighed delicately, melting into his hold before she realised what they were doing and tried to push herself away. 

Only, on the ledge, Elide didn’t have anywhere to go and she fell backwards, not relinquishing her hold on his charcoal suit. Lorcan was pulled into the fountain with her, their clothes and hair instantly sopping wet. 

“You kissed me! You- you can’t go around kissing  _ engaged _ people, Lorcan. Do you have any sense at all,” Elide whispered harshly at him, quickly standing to climb out. He went to stand up, but Elide pushed him back down again, her hands on his chest. “You’re just trying to make me like you so that I won’t marry Fen and  _ you’ll _ get the throne! You- oh, you’re evil.”

With an indignant huff, Elide Lochan marched off, throwing him one last glare as she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight. 

Lorcan was so, so,  _ so _ fucked. 

Elide kept her head high as she walked back to the palace. She managed to avoid the garden party, but caught Rowan slinking around the bushes, no doubt trying to avoid a certain someone.

“Elide?” 

The delicate fabric of her dress clung to her skin and she shivered despite the warm sun. Elide nodded, waving vaguely as she passed him. He scrambled after her. “Ellie, do I want to know what happened?” 

“ _ He _ happened,” she snapped, picking up her pace. A quick glance down told her that her dress was indeed rather transparent. Elide swore, crossing her arms over her chest. Rowan quickly shucked off his suit jacket, draping the large garment over her tiny frame. 

“That doesn’t sound good.” 

“Well, it’s not.” Elide closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. All she could think about was the kiss and how she had never felt anything like it. An unwarranted thought of if and when he would kiss her again popped up in her mind. Elide shook her head, desperate to forget about it. “It’s nothing. We just fought again and ended up in the fountain.” 

He held in his snort and they arrived at the side doors. Rowan opened it for the woman, letting her pass before he shot a suspicious glance around them and closed it. They didn’t need any more media attention and certainly not with Remelle in the vicinity. “Good thing that Aelin is wrapping the party up now. You can go warm up and hide out in your room.” 

Elide flashed him a grateful smile and slinked off to a hidden stairwell. It used to be used solely by servants and the staff, but now it was used by anyone who wanted a discreet escape to the private wings. 

Rowan smiled at her as well, keeping the pleasant look on his face until she had disappeared from view. Then, he let it fall, gritting his teeth as he seethed. It seemed that he needed to have another little chat with Lorcan. 

“El?” The door of her bedroom burst open and Fenrys appeared, looking concerned. It didn’t fade when his eyes fell on her curled up in a nest of blankets. A cup of tea sat on her nightstand, steam wafting from it. “I just saw Lorcan, are you ok?” 

“‘m fine,” she muttered, turning her eyes back to the show she was watching. “Just cold.” 

Fenrys smiled, “Mind if I join you?” Elide grinned, scooching over slightly. The dark skinned man made quick work of divesting himself of his shoes, jacket, and tie. He popped a couple buttons open, sighing as he flopped down next to her. “What, I don’t get any blanket?” 

Elide rolled her eyes and flipped a few of them back so he could cuddle under them. Fenrys wrapped his arms around her, “You’re freezing, El.” 

“I know,” she chattered, her teeth still clicking together. “The chef said she’d make me something warm to eat.” Elide leeched Fenrys’ body heat away, burrowing herself deeper into the mattress. After a few minutes, the warmth made her drowsy and Elide slowly drifted off. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Hello, Rowan. Lovely party that was,” Lorcan replied evenly. He glanced in the mirror. Rowan was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his jaw set and ticking. “Can I help you with something?” 

“What are you doing to her?” 

There was no reason for him to say who he was talking about, they were both well aware. “I’m not doing anything to her.” 

“You drive her fucking crazy, Lorcan,” Rowan said, moving out of the way when Lorcan stalked out of the toilet. 

“And?” 

Rowan sighed, shaking his head. “Lorcan. Just- fuck. What is going on with you two?” 

“Nothing is going on with me and Elide,” Lorcan answered, pulling on a hoodie. It might’ve even been one of Rowan’s, he wasn’t sure. 

“You told me you would never lie to me. Don’t you dare start now.” 

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Lorcan looked up at Rowan, but all he could see was Elide’s face the second before they kissed. “Ro…” He gestured vaguely with his hands, unable to articulate his swirling thoughts. “It’s just what it is. I can’t explain. We’re just- someone is pushing us together, I can’t stop it.”  _ I don’t want to stop it. _

“Oh,” Rowan breathed, his stark green eyes wide like saucers. His mouth dropped open and he gaped at Lorcan, blinking once in shock. “Oh.  _ Oh _ .” 

“What,” Lorcan snapped, his hackles rising. He had a premonition that he knew what Rowan was going to say. “Spit it out, bastard.” 

“You’re falling for her.” 

“No, I am not.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

Lorcan just fell back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. He sighed, his voice completely unconvincing, a little dreamy, even, “No, I am not.” 

Elide slinked into the kitchens, smiling thankfully at the chef who passed her a bowl of  _ xaimoko _ , a Blackbeak rabbit stew. It was her favourite comfort food. She remembered once, when she was young, after being  _ disciplined _ by her uncle, the old cook, a kind woman, had found her hiding in a corner. She had spoken in Blackbeak to Elide, coaxing her to the kitchen for a nice dinner. Vernon had ordered that she wasn’t to have dinner, but the cook had served her a bowl of rabbit stew and fried cornbread anyway.

Ever since then, the cook, who had retired a couple years after, had made sure every chef in the castle knew how to make it. 

Elide ate as slowly as possible. Lysandra had texted her, telling Elide that Aelin wanted to see her after she had eaten dinner. After her nap, Elide had spent her time avoiding Aelin but it had seemed like her luck had run out. 

She washed her own dishes, stowing them away in the cupboards. Gaze downcast, Elide made her way to Aelin’s temporary office, just set up for her time in Perranth before she and Rowan returned to Orynth. 

Elide knocked reluctantly on the door, wishing Rowan or at least Fenrys were with her. The meeting was only to be with Aelin, though, so she wasn’t hopeful. 

“Come in,” the queen called, her voice muffled through the heavy doors. 

Elide pushed the door open, softly closing it behind her. Aelin’s face was set, her lips tightening as she folded her hands atop her desk. “Elide. Sit, please.” She glanced at Lysandra who was sitting in the other chair. 

She felt like a schoolgirl in trouble with the principal. Elide sunk down in a chair, keeping her gaze down. 

“Elide,” Aelin sighed, clearly not happy with her cousin. “What is happening with you?” 

Elide shook her head, looking down at her hands, “Nothing.” 

“That’s not true.” 

She nodded, “Yes it is. Nothing is happening with me.” Elide finally dragged her eyes up to Aelin’s. “I’m fine.” 

The blonde sighed, drumming her fingers on the desk, “Elide. I know we aren’t the most traditional country and you have more liberties than most, but you can’t do stuff like this.” 

“Stuff like what?” Her voice cracked and her bottom lip trembled. “I’m not doing anything.” 

“Elide, you are engaged. You can’t hide in closets with people who are  _ not _ your betrothed and you cannot climb out of a fountain, dripping wet, with the same person who is not your betrothed!” 

“Aelin, why don’t we–” 

“No, Lysandra. Elide is not some high school girl, who gets to run around doing whatever she wishes! She is a royal and is expected to act like one.” 

Elide flinched, shrinking back at the volume and sharpness, “I’m sorry.” If Aelin had noticed how Elide reacted, she would’ve stopped immediately, but the stress of battling parliament and the media were wearing on her. “I didn’t mean–”

“Yeah, I know, you didn’t mean to.” Aelin’s hands dove into her hair, gripping the strands on either side of her head. She laughed humorlessly, the sound icy and hollow. “I am trying to save your crown, do you get that, Elide?” 

Elide stayed silent, willing her body to keep her tears to herself. Unconsciously, she started scratching a nail up and down her forearm, over and over and over until blood was drawn. It was a habit she had picked up as a child and years of therapy hadn’t undone it. 

However, Lysandra noticed and she reached over to take Elide’s hand subtly enough so that Aelin didn’t see.

“I’m sorry.”

Aelin looked at her for a moment and glanced away, “Just tighten up, Elide. You can’t afford to be doing things you don’t mean and if you think you can… you might as well give Lorcan the crown already.” 

“Can I go now?” Elide asked, her voice trembling. In shock, Aelin’s eyes snapped back to her, as if realising the memories she had resurfaced for Elide. Lysandra held a hand out to Elide, but Elide moved so Lysandra’s touch fell short.

“Ellie–” 

Elide stood up abruptly, “If there isn’t anything else you have to say, can I go, your Majesty?” 

Aelin nodded meekly and Elide left. The halls were empty and because of it, Elide ran back to her rooms, locking the doors behind her. She managed to keep from letting the tears fall until she was in her bedroom. 

Bear looked up at her from her bed as Elide crawled into hers. The dog stared at her for a moment, laying unmoving. Elide wiped her cheeks, chuckling tearfully, “Oh, are you mad at me too?” 

Bear just turned her head, tucking her nose beneath her tail.

Elide felt her heart crack in two and cried harder, hiccuping as she buried her face into her pillow. In the darkness of her room, Elide slowly cried until she had exhausted herself into a deep sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg !! that's crazy bro. can't believe they've done this smh horny bitches amiright 🙄


	10. nine

The ride from the palace to downtown Perranth was smooth and quiet. Elide sat in the back, feeling calm. She drummed her nails against her thigh, staring out the window as lush forests faded into sleek buildings and towering skyscrapers. 

Her citizens lined the sidewalks as the motorcade passed, all smiling and waving. She smiled as well, waving even though they wouldn’t be able to see her through the tinted windows. The partition rolled down and a familiar voice asked, “Excited for the show, Miss Lochan?” 

“Oh my gods, Ress!” she yelled, for once staying in her seat. Elide smiled widely, tears lining her eyes when his kind gaze met hers in the rearview mirror. 

“Good afternoon, milady.” 

“Oh, I- I missed you,” Elide said, reaching forward to pat his shoulder. Ress took a hand off the wheel, resting it overs hers and squeezing tightly. “I feel like it’s all my fault and I’m sorry–” 

“Elide, please, don’t worry yourself,” he insisted, taking his hand away to hold the wheel as the car turned a corner. “I needed a break. You know, you might try it sometime, I think you’d rather like it.” 

She rolled her eyes and sat back, carefully wiping her eyes. “Not even five minutes and you’re already telling me what to do.” 

Ress laughed, slowing down in front of the parliament building, “That’s my job, Elide. Telling you what to do.” 

She laughed again, so inordinately happy to have her friend back. “And- and you’re ok now? You- you’re ok?” 

He gave her a sad smile, his eyes flickering, “I’m getting there.” Ress went to open the door so he could open hers, but Elide had another question. 

“Ress, what about us? Are we- are we friends again? Can we be friends again?” 

He grinned warmly, nodding slightly, “I’d love that.” 

Ress escorted her through the back halls, pushing away the few desperate gossip columnists who had managed to evade the other security measures. 

He pushed away one young man who lunged at Elide with a voice recorder. When the bodyguard chasing after him finally caught him, he said, “I’m sorry, sir, he just slipped past.” 

Ress cut him a hard look, suddenly fitting the imposing title of his job. Elide tucked herself behind him, giving the eager reporter an uneasy look. “If this happens again, you’ll answer to Miss Ennar, got it?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Good, now get him out of my sight.” 

The bodyguard nodded and hauled the young man away. Ress sighed, turning to Elide, “You ok?” 

She smiled, nodding, “Of course.” Elide slipped her hands around his elbow, nudging him with her hip, “So bossy, Mr. Freiberg.” Ress rolled his eyes, swiftly showing her through the rest of the building. 

“So, you excited for the last of the announcements?” 

Elide sighed, rolling her eyes, “Gods, yes. I really don’t know why I couldn’t just write a nice little statement to release to the public.” 

Ress snorted, pressing on his earpiece to listen to the comms. After a moment, he nodded, “Copy that.” He turned back to her, “Miss Ennar tells me we need to pick up the pace.” Elide smiled, speeding up to a brisk pace, her heels clicking smartly over the polished floors. “And the reason why you can’t just release a pretty statement is because you had  _ two _ events for the elites and none for the citizens. Wouldn’t want the rabble to get jealous.” 

Elide laughed again, slapping his arm, “Stop it. You know how I love the peasants.” 

They sniped at each other, wide smiles on their faces until they reached the last hallway. Ress stopped, letting go of her, “This is where we part.” 

She grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck for a moment, “I missed you.” He hugged her back. 

“I missed you too, El.” 

The door at the end of the hallway opened and they parted. Fenrys popped his head in, the easygoing smile on his face freezing, “El- Ress? You- you’re… back?” 

Elide blinked, stepping away from her bodyguard. He was completely still, trying to keep his face neutral, “Yep. Got back yesterday.” 

Elide stared at Fenrys as he bobbed his head, something like a mix of panic and pain in his eyes, “That’s- that’s cool. Um, did- did you enjoy your… vacation?” 

“Um, yeah, I guess,” Ress said quietly. He flicked his eyes to Elide, nodding once, “You have a thing to do. Best get to it.” He flashed her a small smile, flashing the same one to Fenrys before he walked off to convene with the other security detail personnel. 

Elide stared after his retreating form in shock. It was only when Fenrys cleared his throat that she startled out of her stupor. She blinked again, making her way down the hall to him, “So… you and Ress?” 

He nodded, his smile not reaching his eyes, “We can talk later, but we do have an adoring public waiting to see us, so…” He offered her his hand, his fingers shaking. Fenrys’ voice broke slightly, “Please?” 

Elide took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “Of course, Fen.” 

They walked out onto the stage, smiling warmly at the crowd. Elide tried to let go of Fenrys’ hand, but he gripped hers semi-desperately and his face was tight. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, giving him an encouraging smile, “Hon, you have to let go now. I have a speech.” 

He shook his head slightly, “I can go with you.” 

Elide smiled softly, leaning up to kiss his cheek and cup the other, her thumb stroking over his cheekbone, “Fen, you have to let go. Later, we’ll binge our favourite movies and cry about your pathetic love life.” 

Fenrys chuckled, albeit tearfully, “We don’t get to cry about yours?” 

Tossing her glossy locks over her shoulders, Elide asked, “What’s there to cry about? My fiancé is the prettiest boy in town and I’m a future duchess.” She cupped his face, tilting his head down to kiss his brow, “I will be right back. Go sit with Ro or even Lorcan, he seems like a nice person to wallow in sadness with.” 

Fenrys smiled, nodding and finally stepping back. He did indeed choose to sit next to Lorcan instead of Rowan and she watched them talk quietly for a moment. Lorcan even slung his arm around Fenrys’ neck, pulling him into an affectionate headlock. He said something else, his lips moving. Then, he kissed the top of Fenrys’ head and her friend smiled, reaching up to pat Lorcan’s cheek gently. 

Surprises upon surprises. 

Fenrys moved, but his shoulder stayed pressed against Lorcan’s. They both watched Elide as she stepped up to the podium. Lorcan drank in the sight of her, from the tip of her nose to the carpeted ground beneath her feet. 

He dragged his eyes up her again, watching her lips move but not hearing a thing. His gaze snagged on her mouth, his blood pumping a little bit faster when her tongue licked over her lips. Lorcan breathed out, muttering a prayer in his mother tongue.  _ “Creator save me from myself.” _

Lorcan focused his gaze on the podium, looking at the wooden grain. But, all too soon, his eyes slid back to her. She looked powerful. Beautiful. Goddess-like. Elide looked completely in her element and he would worship the ground she stood on in her lavender, rounded-toe pumps if she asked it of him. 

When she spoke, her shoulders were down, her spine straight. Elide smiled occasionally, pausing when people clapped. 

He was still staring, no doubt looking like a fool, when Elide turned neatly, gesturing to Fenrys. Fenrys stood, walking over to join her. They addressed the public and Lorcan felt someone kicking his chair. He looked over his shoulder, “What, Maeve?” 

“You look like a lovesick idiot,” she hissed, crossing her arms tightly. Lorcan rolled his eyes and looked forward again. 

He held back his smile when a group of small children approached the couple, carrying a bouquet between them. Elide crouched, as did Fenrys, but Lorcan looked at her face. She was smiling so warmly as she tucked her hair beneath her ear. Elide accepted the flowers, pressing her nose into the biggest one. It was white and it was only because of his sister Sadirah’s adoration for all flowers that he could name it as a gardenia. 

Lorcan looked up at the adults chaperoning the children. They were wearing matching uniforms and it hit him that these were wards of the province of Perranth. Immediately, his eyes snapped back to Elide, to her face, when she noticed as well. Her eyes filled with tears and Lorcan fisted his hands at his sides, biting his cheek hard enough that blood bloomed over his tongue, all in the hopes that he would stop himself from pulling her away and holding her close, just so that he could make her feel better. 

His aunt scoffed from behind him, “Orphans. Look how good our esteemed duchess is, using defenseless  _ children _ to pander to the public.” 

“Elide wouldn’t do that. She’s not like that.” 

If Lorcan weren’t so distracted by her, by the being that  _ Elide _ was, he would’ve held his tongue. But, of course, he couldn’t and he was too distracted to note the dangerous gleam that glowed in Maeve’s eyes. 

“What is this?” Aelin asked, picking up the file Elide dropped on her desk. 

“It’s- it’s a proposal.” Elide dragged her hands through her hair, pacing the carpet in her office. Ever since they had arrived back at the palace, she had holed herself up in her office, working it all out. “I had Lysandra help me with the old laws and stuff, but I wrote it. I wrote a proposal.”

“For…?” Her cousin looked amused, “Are you high again, Ellie?” 

“No! No, I am not  _ high _ ,” Elide said, gesturing wildly to the papers, “It’s the orphans- the state wards. I was talking to the caregivers about the house they live in and it’s not enough. It’s- it’s not big enough and they need more resources. Parliament has been slowly taking away their funding for years, allocating the taxes to other things!” 

Aelin hummed, nodding, “Ok, like what?” 

Elide gestured to the file. The sleeve of her hoodie slipped and she quickly pulled it back down, not wanting Aelin to see the scratches. She knew if her cousin saw them, she would beat herself up over it forever. 

Aelin flipped through the pages, narrowing her eyes, “Maintenance… for the Perranth Mountain Manor.” She flipped through more, sitting up straighter. “What, is this really real?” 

Elide laughed breathlessly and nodded, “Yeah. It’s at the disposal of the members of parliament. Mainly a winter vacation home.” 

“So you want to, what? Take away the funding, give it back to the orphanage?” 

“No, no, I want to turn the manor into their home. Can we do that?” 

The queen stood up, positively beaming as she raced around the desk to hug Elide, “Oh my gods, yes! Yes, yes, we can do that. This is- it’s brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.” The smaller woman smiled, pressing her face into Aelin’s shoulder. For a while, they just stood there, the hug washing away any animosity, all ill-will between them. Aelin gently stroked Elide’s hair, whispering, “I’m sorry, my darling.” Elide made a noise to protest the need for an apology, but Aelin shushed her, “No, no, please, let me apologise. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. It’s- it’s not your fault. And I know you’re trying as well, I know that.” 

Elide sniffled, hugging Aelin more tightly still. The golden-haired woman kissed the side of her head, whispering softly, “I can’t imagine how you’re still standing with everything that’s happened. I am  _ so _ proud of you and to call you my cousin. Your parents would be too.” 

All Elide could do was hold her even tighter and pray that it was true. 

“They’ll like it,” Fenrys insisted. He watched Elide with increasingly concerned eyes as she paced incessantly in front of the closed doors of the parliament room in the palace. 

“They’ll love it,” Lysandra agreed, smiling warmly. 

She chewed on her bottom lip, picking off pieces of skin from her chapped lips. “No, they won’t. They’ll- it’s some silly idea. I just want to help, you know? But they’re all in these positions for power. None of them want any  _ real _ change.” 

Elide knew these men, had grown up with them as the influencing adults in her life. Luckily, she had Aelin, and Rowan, and Finnula, so she had never fallen into their crowd or been weak enough to succumb under their pressures. 

She wasn’t hopeful, so for the next half-an-hour, Elide stared at the doors, as if she could see and hear through them. 

Finally, they opened, and out stepped Rowan, his face impassive. Scarily impassive. Like Elide had lost. 

“So?” 

Rowan smiled, nodding. Elide stared at him in shock, barely noting the dirty looks the parliament members threw her as they all filed out of the room. “It’s passed. The Perranth Mountain Manor will now be home to the wards of the province.” She laughed, launching herself at him. 

“Oh my gods, I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “I was sure they would shut it down.” Elide laughed again, stepping back from Rowan when Aelin walked out next to… Lorcan. Aelin even had her hand tucked into his elbow. Elide nodded politely, dismissing him as quickly as she could. 

Aelin slid up to her, slipping her arm around Elide’s waist, “I was just thanking Lorcan, Ellie.” Elide glared at her cousin, knowing that she was up to something Elide didn’t think she would like. 

She decided to play along, ignoring the heating of her cheeks, “Really? Whatever for?” 

“Well, he adored your proposal.” 

“He did?” Elide looked up at Lorcan, for the first time in over twenty-four hours. He looked good. Really good. Gods. “You did?” 

He nodded his head serenely, once, “I read through it - you’re quite talented.” 

She blushed further, murmuring her thanks, “Thank you. It’s what I went to school for.” Elide looked at Aelin, begging her to come up with some reason for them to leave. She didn’t know what to do with the feeling growing in her chest. It was something like… pleasure. In knowing he was impressed by it. Elide didn’t know what to do with it. 

“Well, we haven’t eaten all day and I’ve barely had  _ any _ time with my cousin dear, so, gents, enjoy yourselves. The ladies and I have things to do, places to be,” Aelin declared, theatrically turning and prancing away. 

Huffing a light chuckle, Lysandra said a quick good-bye to follow Aelin. Rowan and Fenrys suddenly found better places to be. 

Lorcan tapped his toe into the ground, awkwardly lifting his hand to scratch the back of his neck, “I should, um, go with the boys. Fen wants to do some bachelor thing, I dunno.”

She gave him a halfway comfortable smile, “Well, have fun. I should make sure Aelin hasn’t done any pyrotechnics or whatnot.” He laughed quietly, the low, rumbling sound sending a giddy feeling racing through her, but only this time, Elide didn’t attempt to quash it. Lorcan nodded, going to turn. 

Elide’s hand shot out, gripping his bicep, “Wait, can you…” 

He turned back, looking down at her with a curious expression, “Yes?” 

She looked over at Fenrys and then back at Lorcan, “Can you make sure he’s ok? He saw Ress today and I just… I want to make sure he’s ok. He put on a brave face and made some joke, but I know him better than that.” Elide dropped her hand, now feeling self-conscious, “I  _ hope _ I know him better than that.” She groaned, knowing she was making it more complicated than it was. “Please, just… take care of him.” 

Lorcan said, “Of course I will, Elide.” With another serene nod, he was gone, going to join Rowan and Fenrys. 

Elide stood there in shock. She realised it was the first time he had ever called her ‘Elide’. And, oh, how she loved hearing her name roll off his tongue. 

Lorcan sighed as he walked, his head hanging low and his hands in his pockets. He had put on some random playlist, not really paying any attention to it before he left his rooms. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe inside the palace. He didn’t belong in there, didn’t belong on the throne. 

Maeve always told him his father had always fought to have custody and that his mother was the problem, always blocking his attempts. But the truth was that his father had never wanted to be a father. He and his sisters were split between two people, with one who didn’t even really want them. 

They had split custody because Odette had insisted on it, but his father stuck them in a prestigious boarding school for the months he had them. They never saw him except for the occasional holidays they were given when they flew to Perranth. 

Lorcan had spent those visits comforting his sisters as they cried for home. Cillian had wanted nothing to do with them and though Lorcan had never taken it personally, he knew his father was an ass, he had held grudges for his sisters. 

It was because of that that Lorcan hadn’t told them that he had gone, had sat next to his father on his deathbed. But, he had left. The day after his father died, he had left. Hadn’t gone to the funeral and hadn’t spoken a word of his whereabouts to either of his sisters, not even his mother. 

Lorcan walked along a gravel path, looking up at the moon. He thought about his sisters and how they were doing. He chuckled a bit, recalling fondly how angry Aneha had been that he was even thinking about pursuing the title. They were so alike in that way, in their anger, that she hadn’t even said good-bye when he packed up the last of the boxes in his townhouse. 

But the moment he had opened the cab door, she had come hurtling out of the house and crashing into him.  _ “I love you, idiot,” _ she had muttered in Ozuye*. Aneha had pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and had tucked a beaded medicine wheel into his pocket before leaving. 

Then, Sadirah had approached him, apprehension in her dark eyes,  _ “Be smart. This guilt is not your burden alone, Lorcan.” _

Lorcan swallowed, missing his family and his home. He wished he could close his eyes and when he opened them, that he would be in his mother’s kitchen, sitting on a stool with Aneha and Sadirah beside him because they had all been banned from the kitchen ages ago. There would be warm, hearty laughter filling every nook and cranny of the home as they conversed in their native tongue, as Odette and Sadirah worked in the kitchen. His grandmother, Čantéwaštéwin, would be around somewhere too, fondly nagging them all. 

He dug his phone out, itching to call them and tell them he made a mistake, to tell them he’d be on the first flight home. Just as he began typing the number, the gravel skittered behind him and Lorcan turned, spying Bear. 

The dog wagged her tail, loping up to him and bumping her snout into him. “Hey, Bear,” Lorcan said, idly scratching her ears. “Where’s Elide, huh? Where is she?” 

He peered into the darkness, waiting for the petite woman to come running after her escape artist of a dog, but there was nothing, no one. “Elide, come on,” he called out, hoping she would hear him. “I got Bear, where you at?” 

The night remained dead silent and Lorcan sighed through his nose, looking down at the dog who tilted her head to the side, “Are you out here all alone, Bear?” Bear barked softly, thumping her tail against his leg. Lorcan chuckled, “I guess I’ll walk you back, c’mon, girl.” 

He patted his thigh and set off back to the palace. Bear followed him immediately, practically prancing next to him. Lorcan smiled and soon enough, he was opening the door to let Bear in. “I bet you had a fun adventure,” he commented, not even noticing that he was talking to a dog.

The pair passed a couple members of the staff finishing up their tasks before they themselves went to bed, but soon enough, Lorcan was walking up to Elide’s rooms. 

As he approached, he heard hushed voices from inside the door whispering harshly, “We can’t go out, we’re high, it’ll be so suspicious. Like,  _ no one _ just goes on night walks, Aelin!” 

Lorcan swallowed his laughter. 

“But Bear’s gone! She- the dog is gone, Ellie,” that was Aelin. “We have to find her.” 

“But how? Like…  _ how, _ it’s, like,  _ so _ dark outside, you know? It’s, like, nighttime!” 

Deciding to put them out of their misery, Lorcan knocked on the door. Elide quickly hissed at Aelin to be quiet before she cracked the door open, “Hello, may we be of assistance to thee, good sir?” 

“You’re fucking baked, sweetheart,” Lorcan said, a slow smile playing on his lips. 

Elide shook her head, her eyes half closed and red, “I am not. I don’t do drugs. And marijuana is legal, Mr. Salvaterre.” Aelin snickered behind her, dissolving into a fit of giggles. “Anyways, we have things to do. Let us pass.” 

Lorcan shook his head, “I was outside on a… night walk,” Elide’s eyes widened comically large, “and I found someone.” He moved to the side, revealing Bear who shot past him through the door. 

Elide gasped, “Oh my gods! You found her, that’s my dog.” She crouched down, sliding her hands into her soft, soft and thick fur. “Oh, bubba, I missed you! Yes, I did, oh, you’re so soft, Aelin, she’s so soft.” Elide looked back up at Lorcan, “This is Bear, she’s mine. My Bear.”

“Yeah, I know. She tackled me, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah,” she said, drawing out the syllables. Then, she frowned, looking more adorable than anyone had a right to, and stood up, “You told me to eat shit and die. That wasn’t very nice.”

“ _ After _ you told me to fuck off and go fuck myself,” Lorcan countered. 

She laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “I did! That’s right, I did say that.” 

Elide’s eyes became hazier and Lorcan smiled, nodding towards her room, “I think you should stay in your room, sweet- Elide.” His cheeks burned and he thanked the gods she was too high to notice. “Elide, you should go hang out in your room, yeah? Hug your dog, order food, do normal high people things. Don’t go outside.” 

“I like it.” 

“Yeah, I like being high too,” he said, but Elide was shaking her head. 

“No, well, yes, I like weed, but I like it when you say my name,” she said with a gentle grin, her nose crinkling, “You usually call me ‘sweetheart’.” 

“And what do you think of ‘sweetheart’?” 

She shrugged, making a face. But then, then Elide fucking  _ beamed _ and he had to remember to breathe with her smiling at  _ him _ like that, “I like it, but you’re always making fun of me. I don’t like  _ that _ that much. It’s not nice to make fun.” 

Lorcan smiled, bowing exaggeratedly, “I would never dare make fun of thee, sweetheart.” 

Elide smiled again, “Gods,  _ go _ already, stupid.” She waved her fingers, her eyes soft and open, “Good night, Lorcan.” 

“Good night, Elide.” 

He would remember the look on her face for a long while after this night. 

“You are a genius, my heart.” 

Maeve smiled, sipping from her wine glass. She crossed her right leg over her left, extending her arm out to Vernon. He was such an easy man to toy with, she thought as he took her hand and brushed a wet kiss to her slim, graceful fingers. 

She chuckled into her glass, drinking deeply to hide her shudder. Maeve sighed, looking out over the balcony. The glittering lights of Perranth excited her and she dampened for a moment before she remembered who she was fighting against. Elide Lochan wasn’t strong enough to handle her. 

Her glass was empty when she put it down, and Vernon picked up the wine bottle, his eyes gleaming with something dangerous, “More?” He was already pouring before she could say no, but thankfully, her phone rang. 

“I will be right- oh. It’s Lorcan,” she said, sitting back down. Maeve held a finger to her lips as she accepted the call and pressed the phone to her ear, “Lorcan, dear. How are you, feeling better?” 

_ “I want out. I don’t want this anymore, any of it. Let Elide have it, she’s the better fit.” _

Maeve pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes, “Lorcan, you need to think about this. Think of all we worked for, everything we sacrificed. Are you really willing to let that go for some girl?” 

Her nephew cursed in his first language,  _ “Fuck, Maeve, she is not some girl. She’s Elide. This is her birthright and she has worked her entire life for this.” _

“Oh,” Maeve purred. 

_ “Oh, what? Spit it out.” _

“You love her,” she commented, smiling wickedly. “The little lady of Perranth has stolen that wicked heart of yours, hasn’t she?” 

Lorcan answered, his voice slow,  _ “No. I do not love–” _

“Please, don’t lie to me. It’s unbecoming of you, nephew,” interrupted Maeve. “You do realise, right?” 

_ “Realise what?” _

“That she will never love you back, Lorcan,” she said. Maeve wanted to keep her voice blunt, but something, probably the shrivelled husk of her conscience, made her soften the blow. Made her stand up from the terrace table and walk into the living room of her lavish apartment. “Lorcan, even if she never loves Fenrys, Elide will never allow herself to admit that she loves you.” 

On the other end of the line, Lorcan remained dead silent. The only indication that he hadn’t hung up was slow, too-even breathing. “Lorcan?” 

_ “Creator above, shut the fuck up, Maeve! You don’t get to act like you care about me or my feelings now. Just- end it. I won’t fucking do it, I  _ refuse  _ to take the throne. Good luck finding another fucking heir.” _

Without another word, he hung up and Maeve blinked, looking down at her phone. Then, she cackled, her head tilting back. The door opened behind her and Vernon stepped in, “Is everything alright?” 

She turned to him, still laughing hysterically, “They’re- they’re going to ruin themselves! All by themselves! We don’t even have to do anything, darling.” Maeve swept towards him, tossing her phone onto the couch. 

Elide and Lorcan would burn themselves and everything around them and nobody even had to try. How beautiful would their story be if they were not fated to be a tragedy. 

And what a beautiful tragedy it was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welllll ok then. alright. i guess. 
> 
> anyhoozles just some little things !  
> *ozuye is a lakota word meaning warrior, which i thought was fitting for lorcan's tribe name  
> here are some cool links:  
> http://aktalakota.stjo.org/site/News2page=NewsArticle&id=8592#:~:text=The%20medicine%20wheel%20is%20a,attached%20in%20the%20wheel's%20center. : this will give you a base understanding of what the medicine wheel means to the lakota ! the medicine wheel is a sacred symbol used widely across turtle island (north america) by native tribes, but is mainly used by plains natives ! (Blackfoot, Arapaho, Assiniboine, Cheyenne, Comanche, Crow, Gros Ventre, Kiowa, Lakota, Lipan, Plains Apache (or Kiowa Apache), Plains Cree, Plains Ojibwe, Sarsi, Nakoda (Stoney), and Tonkawa)  
> https://sites.coloradocollege.edu/indigenoustraditions/6-%E2%80%A2-independent-projects/lakota-beadwork-and-the-medicine-wheel/: this will tell you about the significance of beading to lakota people !! the lakota nation is not the only nation that beads, but since i write lorcan as lakota, it's what i focus on :)  
> if u were wondering, neither of lorcan's sisters names are related to the lakota tribe - they are modified from constellations <3
> 
> i hope you enjoyed and if you have any questions or critique as i am white and the furthest thing from an expert, *please* let me know !! i will do what i can to help you or modify anything that needs to be changed


	11. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is......basically a day late but i hope it's worth it ? LOTS of stuff happens in this chapter so uhhhhh enjoy hehe 
> 
> TW: mentions of child abuse, ptsd

Eye on the target, Elide pulled back on the drawstring. The arrow was firmly notched, resting between her index and middle finger. 

“Ok, now when you’re ready, release.” 

She wanted to shoot Rowan, but with a slow, careful, and calming breath, Elide let loose the arrow. It shot away, up and away, landing some metres behind the bullseye. Fenrys giggled, hiding his mouth behind his hand as if it would help hide his amused laughter. 

Elide cut him a sharp look, harshly grabbing a new arrow and nocking it, “You wanna laugh again, Marama, huh?” 

Fenrys shook his head, “Not at all, your Grace. Please, Rowan, continue the lesson.” 

“I don’t want to shoot the stupid fucking arrow,” hissed Elide, glaring at Aelin, who was lounging on a chair, occasionally offering words of encouragement. 

“Well,” the queen said, flipping through some papers, “it’s tradition. You must light your own eternal flame.”

Elide held her tongue, knowing what she had to say about tradition wouldn’t help anything. Aelin would feel guilty again and Elide would feel badly about adding to Aelin’s guilt so… she didn’t say anything. 

“And as we know,” Fenrys drawled, grinning wickedly at Elide as she glared at him, “tradition is Ellie’s favourite thing.” 

“Boy, you better shut your mouth before I shoot you,” she threatened. 

Fenrys howled in laughter, almost falling off his chair next to Aelin, “As if you could even hit me!” 

Gasping in outrage, Elide was about to yell something at him when a tall, dark figure strolled through the gardens. The words and frustration left her immediately. Elide held back her smile, shaking her head to dispel her wandering thoughts. She had arrows to shoot. 

She concentrated harder than she had all morning, managing to hit the outer edge of bullseye. “Aha! I got it,” Elide clapped, spinning around to her onlookers. Lorcan was stretched out on Fenrys’ chair, an arm shielding his face from the sun. 

“Very nice, milady,” he said drily, “excuse me if I don’t clap, your excellence is blinding, I have to protect my eyes.” 

His jape had her snorting and rolling her eyes, “Shut up, stupid. Why are you here?” 

Fenrys gave her a cheeky look, “Lorcan was the best archer in our grade, isn’t that right, Ro?” 

Her best friend nodded, crossing his tattooed arms over his chest, “Mm-hmm. Won the sportsman trophy for it.” 

“Oh,” Elide cooed, “how cute, a trophy.” 

Lorcan rolled his eyes, “Do you want my help, Elide?” 

“No, thank you,” she said sweetly. “I’ve got it. Just takes practice.” Elide turned back to the bullseye, needing to break away from his gaze. Even still, she could feel it burning into her back, into her spine. 

There were only a few arrows left and she steadily shot them all until there was only one left. She couldn’t shake the feeling of Lorcan’s eyes on her and it annoyed her. Elide dropped the bow, turning to snap at him to go away. 

He was closer than before and the only one left. Elide looked around in confusion, “Wait- wh- where did they go?” 

Lorcan shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets, “Ace said she had things to do and suddenly, they all had things to do.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him before shaking her head, “I know you want to help, so come on. Go ahead. Teach, Lorcan.” He nodded, smirking slightly. “Hey, wipe that stupid smirk off your face.” 

Lorcan raised his hands in surrender, a snarky grin pulling at his lips. She stared at them for a second too long. “Yes, ma’am,” he murmured, leaning down to pick the bow up. “Right, you wanna take this again?” 

Elide reached for it, about to wrap her fingers around the grip when he snatched it back, laughing as she gasped. “Lorcan! Give it to me!” 

“Ok, ok, here,” he held it out to her, “take it.” 

She didn’t move, looking between his inky eyes and the bow. Faster than he should’ve been able to detect, Elide reached out to grab it, but Lorcan moved more quickly than even she and held it above his head. It was way too high for her to reach, even if she jumped, which she did. 

Elide groaned, trying not to stomp her foot like a child, “Give it to me, stupid!” 

“Mmm, try harder, sweetheart,” he said. “Can’t just have everything handed to you.”

“Nope. I want it, give it to me,” she demanded. Elide held her hand out, staring him down. Lorcan didn’t crack, wasn’t even phased until she pouted her bottom lip out and sniffled. In an instant, he handed it over to her. 

Elide smiled triumphantly and Lorcan blinked, as if he had come out of a trance. “So, now are you gonna help me or not?” 

He breathed out slowly, dragging his hand through his hair before gathering the shiny, healthy strands into a low messy bun. “Yeah, come on. In your stance.” 

Elide stood perpendicularly to the target, her back to Lorcan. She could feel him close to her, but could also sense him staying as far away as was possible. “Is this good?” 

“Um… yeah, just- here,” he said, voice tight. He gripped her hips, shifting them slightly towards the target. “Right there. Mmkay, sweetheart, take that arrow, yeah?” 

She exhaled, using every ounce of control she had. Her hands shook a bit as she picked the bolt and fitted it against the string. “And now?” Elide stared at the target, gripping the bow tightly. 

“Loosen your grip a bit, it won’t fly straight,” Lorcan murmured, his hand covering hers and easing her fingers open. The other rested between her shoulder blades, “C’mon, relax, Elide. It’s just an arrow.” 

She almost snorted, but managed to remain collected. “There you go,” he encouraged her, “now, when you draw back, imagine like you’re trying to make the points of your shoulder blades touch.” 

Elide did as he said, locking her knees so that she wouldn’t fall onto the soft grass beneath their feet. Lorcan shifted around her, his brows furrowed. She wanted to reach up and smooth the crease away, but turned her gaze back to the target. 

After a few more innocent, fixing touches, Lorcan stepped away, “Fire away, sweetheart.” 

She let the arrow go, the string grazing the soft skin of her inner forearm. It soared, spinning furiously until it lodged itself directly into the bullseye. “Oh my gods,” Elide said, “I did it !” 

Lorcan chuckled, “Very good job. Amazingly done.” 

Elide laughed joyfully, carefully putting the bow down. “I  _ actually _ did it, wow.” 

“Self-doubt, Elide? Thought you were better than that,” he teased, sliding his hands back into his pockets. 

“Well, even superior beings like myself have moments of mortal doubt,” Elide teased right back. They chuckled softly, falling silent into a comfortable hush. Lorcan inclined his head to the side, asking her a silent question. Elide nodded and they started walking, just around the gardens. 

For a while, they didn’t say anything, but neither minded it. 

In fact, Elide thought it was rather perfect. 

Elide walked into the palace, feeling like she was floating. She had a permanent smile on her face as she practically glided into the entertainment room, where she was to decide wedding details. 

Her mood dropped a bit as she sat down in one of the chairs next to Fenrys. When he stretched his arm around her shoulders to tuck her into his side like they had become accustomed to, Elide stiffened, surprised at the touch. 

“Ellie? Are you ok?” 

Suddenly, all eyes were on her and Elide opened her mouth, not sure who to answer when Rowan, Aelin, Lysandra,  _ and _ Fenrys were staring at her. “Y-Yeah. I’m- fine. Superb. Let’s, uh, let’s get to the wedding, ok?” 

Elide looked forward again, a dreamy, smitten smile overtaking her face again. She barely heard or saw anything as they decided, simply said ‘yes’ to whatever or told Fenrys whatever he wanted was fine. 

She imagined her wedding, thinking about how happy she would be to walk down the aisle. Her groom would be waiting at the altar, only looking at her. She, in turn, would only look at him. She wouldn’t even see anything else but him and… her groom wasn’t Lorcan. 

Just like that, her heart dropped. Gods, she didn’t like Lorcan.  _ You don’t like him, you don’t like him, you don’t like him _ , Elide reminded herself. But still, her mood was ruined. She frowned, moving forward and away from Fenrys. 

He started, looking at her in confusion, “Ellie, are you–” 

“I’m fine,” she snapped, not able to look at the screen anymore, not able to look at the details of a wedding she didn’t want, to a man she didn’t love and who didn’t love her, so she looked down at her nails. “Are we done now. I’d like to leave.” 

They all stared at her in shock, not used to the sharpness of her tone or her foul mood. Fenrys recovered first, nodding calmly, “Of course. You can go, I’ve got this and we’ll meet later, if you want?” 

She nodded tightly, not saying another word as she left. 

Aelin got up to go after her, but Fenrys put his hand out, shaking his head. “Just let her go, Aelin. I told you, I’ve got this. I can decide for us.” 

He settled back into the corner of the couch, clenching his jaw, “I said I could do this and I meant it. Go.” 

Elide stared out her window. The sun had begun its descent and she watched as her lands were bathed in a beautiful melange of orange, pinks, reds, and purples. She had barely moved since curling up on her plush armchair. In the first three minutes she had arrived, Bear had climbed up beside her. She had laid her big head in Elide’s lap and had laid there unmoving. 

No one had come to see her and she suspected it was because Fenrys had told them not to. She didn’t dwell on the thought of him too long, knowing if she did, nothing would ever feel right again. 

But, Fenrys was not a god and it would take a god to stop Aelin once the queen became determined to see Elide. She could hear sharp footsteps cracking down the hallway outside her rooms and panicked, looking around at where she could go. 

There was a vine growing down from the balcony and Elide was sure she could make it down. After that, she could take one of the cars and drive into town, maybe go to a bar. Or just walk. 

The footsteps grew closer and she acted, quickly scrawling out a note to say that she was safe and she had her phone, but not to call. If she needed help, she would call and she loved them all so much. She just needed time. 

Elide grabbed her Vans, sliding her fluffy-socked feet into them quickly. 

With a kiss onto Bear’s head, “Be good for Ae, ok?” Elide hastened out onto the balcony, throwing one last glance over her shoulder before she flipped the hood of her hoodie over her head and swung herself over the balcony. 

She heard someone pounding on the door and laughed to herself, quickly making her way down the rest of the vine. From a metre up, she jumped, bending her knees to absorb the blow. Elide smiled, thinking that her years of gymnastics had finally paid off. 

From her room, she heard the doors slammed open and then Aelin’s infuriated scream, “Elide Amara Lochan, where the fuck are you?!” 

She giggled and stuck close to the palace wall, inching her way along until she reached the small side gate and let herself out. From there, Elide pulled her phone out and called a car service, “Hi, it’s Elide Lochan… yes,  _ that _ Elide Lochan, yeah. Yes, just one, and, please, don’t make it a big deal. Five minutes, really? No, no, that’s perfect, I will meet you at the front gates.” 

Elide hung up, sliding her phone into the pocket of her sweatpants. The sky was darkening by the moment and she broke into a brisk jog. 

By the time she had run to the front gates, the car was waiting and she opened the door herself, sliding in. “Hey, thanks for picking me up.” 

The driver - a young man, probably barely old enough to be a driver - turned to look at her, “Oh, wow. You know, we get prank calls all the time, but something told me to come here anyway and this is just–” 

“Hi, I’m sorry, but my guards will come to check you out if we don’t leave now, so if we could,” she hurried him, nervously looking over her shoulder at the guard house. 

“Of course, milady. Where to?” 

_ If I didn't ride blade on curb, would you still love me? _

_ If I made up my mind at work, would you still love me? _

_ Keep it a hundred, I'd rather you trust me than to love me _

_ Keep it a whole one hund', don't got you I got nothing _

Lorcan walked down the path from his house, walking onto the side of the highway. His house was more of a stone cottage. 

When his father had gotten sick, Lorcan had secretly purchased a place. He loved it and when sitting at his father’s bedside had become too much, he would retreat to the simple abode. It had one bedroom and a bathroom, a perfectly comfortable living room and a simple kitchen with a woodstove. 

_ Give me a run for my money _

_ There is nobody, no one to outrun me _

_ So give me a run for my money _

_ Sipping bubbly, feeling lovely _

_ Living lovely _

_ Just love me _

There was a bookcase filled with books he actually read and a few photos on the mantle. He had a large slab table that he ate and cooked at. He felt… at home there. He could see his mother in the enamel coffee pot and Sadirah in the couple plants he had. Aneha was the first person he had told about the house and she had knitted him a thick blanket for it. 

He had it on his couch. 

With a long exhale, Lorcan looked up, wondering where he had wandered to in the dark. It had been sunset when he left. He was at a gas station, the bright fluorescent sign stating the price for diesel and gasoline the only light for moths to flock to. 

He scrubbed his hand over his face, his head hung low as he walked into the gas station. 

The song slowly ended as he perused the aisles, not sure what he wanted to buy. Lorcan grabbed a Coffee Crisp and bag of Sour Patch Kids. There was a slushie machine at the back, so he stalked over, filling a medium-sized cup up with blue raspberry only. 

Satisfied after he fitted a lid and grabbed a pink straw, Lorcan moved to the cashier. He looked up when he saw a car pulling up. Watching for a moment, Lorcan looked closely at the small figure climbing out of the back. 

When he realised it was Elide, he swore, dropping his gaze immediately. She probably wouldn’t even see him, probably too wrapped up in her own shit. Lorcan would mind his business, pay for his shit, and go home. 

He put his stuff on the counter, pulling out one of his earbuds and letting it dangle against his chest. “Hey, man,” Lorcan said to the cashier. 

“Anything else I can get you?” 

“No, this is–”

“Lorcan?” 

Fuck. 

Lorcan turned, looking at Elide, “Elide, hi. What are you… doing here?” 

She shrugged, toying with the cuff of her hoodie and ruefully smiling, “Avoiding confrontation. What about you?” 

“Ignoring the inevitable truth,” he replied evenly. 

Elide chuckled, “How grown up of us.” 

He laughed quietly and then turned back to the cashier, digging his wallet out of his snacks. The cashier handed Lorcan his candy and chocolate bar, giving them to Lorcan with a receipt. “Have a good night, man.” 

“Yeah, you too.” Lorcan took his bag, walking towards the door. As he passed, Elide was putting her things on the counter and patting her pockets for her wallet. He paused, frowning in slight confusion. 

Elide shook her head, “You know what, I’m sorry, I don’t have my wallet and–” 

“I got it,” Lorcan said, not thinking anything of it. Elide started, about to ask him if he was sure, Lorcan could read it on her face. “It’s fine, I’m sure.” 

He tapped his card on the debit machine, putting it back into his pocket, “You’re very welcome, sweetheart.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and took the bag of hot chips, smiling in thanks at the clerk. “Ignore him. It’s what I do.” She grabbed Lorcan’s arm to drag him out behind her. When they got outside, she dropped her hand and his arm prickled with the loss of contact. 

“You know, the polite thing is to thank people for doing you favours,” Lorcan reminded her, casually sipping on his drink through the straw. 

Elide laughed, shoving his shoulder, “Maybe if you weren’t such an ass, I  _ would _ thank you.” She opened her bag of Takis, popping one into her mouth and chewing, all the while with that smile on her face. 

Lorcan shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Fine, if you won’t thank me for my heroics, at least tell me how you escaped the palace? Cause it definitely wasn’t Ress driving you.” 

“Mmm, I climbed down.” 

“Climbed down what?” 

“The balcony.” 

Choking on his drink, Lorcan coughed, “You did  _ what _ ?” 

Elide laughed again, eating another chip, “There’s this vine on the side, you know? It climbs up the side to the balcony. I just hopped the fence and climbed down.” 

“Sweetheart,” he said, putting a hand out, “it’s like… two stories.” 

“I was a gymnast,” she elaborated. 

“Really? Were you any good?” 

“I was very, very good. They called me a prodigy,” Elide bragged, her hips swaggering. “Tell me, Lorcan, have  _ you _ ever been called a prodigy?” 

He laughed, drinking more of his slushie, “No, no, I have not. Should I be quivering in your presence?” 

“Oh, always.” 

A slow smile played across his face and Lorcan opened the Coffee Crisp. He broke it in half, offering her a part, “You want?” 

Elide nodded. Lorcan stared, his jaw slacking as she wrapped her lips around her thumb, licking it. Fuck, he was pathetic. 

“Lorcan? Can I have some,” she asked, waving her hand in his face. Lorcan blinked, passing it to her and quickly averting his eyes. Elide gave him a weird, side-long glance as they started walking again. “So, did you escape? Or does Maeve let you out?” 

He snorted, laughing softly as he took another sip of his frozen drink, “Nah, nah, I got my own place here. Bought it when my father was kicking the bucket.” 

“Ooh, I like a man with property.” 

Shaking his head, Lorcan rammed his shoulder into her, nearly sending her sprawling, “Shut up, stupid.” 

“Hey, that’s my line,” Elide complained, her eyes sparkling. They both laughed softly and then she said, “Ok, I’m gonna guess, ok?” 

Lorcan nodded, “Let’s hear it.” 

“It’s big. Huge. You haven’t even been in all the rooms,” she declared, making a big, grand gesture. Lorcan shrugged, tilting his head to indicate her to continue. “Alright, lots of marble. White marble, to be exact. Gold moulding and grand furniture. Oh! Oh, you  _ so _ have an indoor fountain with koi,  _ lots _ of koi.” Elide smiled cockily, holding her hands out, “So? How’d I do?” 

For a few seconds, Lorcan stared at her and then, he laughed outrageously, bending over to hold his stomach, “Oh my gods, sweetheart–” he cut himself off, laughing so hard he cried. Unbeknownst to him, Elide had turned, quickly walking away. 

His laughter died and Lorcan sniffed, wiping his eyes, “Sweetheart, you’re so bad- Elide?” Lorcan looked up, cursing himself before jogging after her, “Elide, c’mon, it was a joke! You’re just, you know, really shitty at it.” She didn’t turn, didn’t even slow her pace. Lorcan sighed, pushing the hair that had escaped his incredibly sloppy bun-work back. “C’mon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at you, really. Forgive me, please? Sweetheart, c’mon, you can have my Sour Patch Kids.” 

He dug the bag out of his pocket and stretched his arm over her head, dangling it in her face. With a cackle, Elide snatched it and turned, smiling wickedly, “You’re a sucker, Salvaterre.” Lorcan gasped, staring at her in offence. She just ripped the bag open and popped a gummy into her mouth. “May the gods help you when you have a daughter, she’s gonna have you wrapped around her little finger.” 

“Eh, my sisters already do, so it won’t be a surprise,” he shrugged, stealing the bag back from her and tossing a couple into his mouth. 

“You have sisters?” 

“Two of ‘em. Identical twins,” he shared. “They’re seventeen.”

“I always wanted siblings. It was just me the whole time.” 

“Well, I can’t really say I was ever lonely with them around.”

Elide snatched the candy back from him, looking up at him, “So, what are they like? Your sisters.” 

Something sparked in his eyes, something loving as he smiled, “You three would get along. They give me so much shit, it’s crazy. Aneha, she’s just like me, and has never let me get away with  _ anything _ and somehow thinks it’s my fault she was born two minutes later than Sadirah.” 

“I like their names,” Elide said, rooting through the bag for a blue one. They were her favourites. “So, is Sadirah your complete opposite, then?” 

“No, not exactly. She’s calmer, but the girl has a dark bad side that no one has ever come back from,” he chuckled. “You two would love each other. She’s a lot like you.”

“Ooh, is that a compliment?” 

Lorcan rolled his eyes, bumping her with his hip, “Be nice or I’ll never give you another.” 

Elide held her hand up in surrender, looking around at their surroundings, “Hey, I didn’t- oh.” 

“What?” 

She looked down at her feet, scuffing her toe into the side of the highway, “The next road takes us back to the palace and I just… don’t want to go there tonight.” 

Lorcan glanced up, “Well, my house is close. You can stay there, there’s a bed and I’ll take the couch.” 

“Really?” she asked, seeming surprised. 

Sliding his hand into his pockets, Lorcan nodded, “Yeah, it doesn’t have to be a big thing, you know? It’s a bed. I’m just trying to help.” 

“Oh, no- well, yes, I-I would like that. A lot,” she stammered, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it, sweetheart.” 

“Stop calling me that.” 

“Yes, sweetheart.” 

Elide followed Lorcan down a dark path, “Are you going to kill me?” 

He laughed darkly, “No, I’m not going to kill you.” 

“Do you promise?” she stopped, right before the path turned and Lorcan disappeared. “Lorcan?” 

“What, Elide,” he asked, coming back into her vision. Lorcan sighed, rolling his eyes, “No, I am not going to kill you. I promise.” 

“Pinky promise?” She arched a brow, holding out her arm and extending her pinky. His teeth were a flash of white in the night and he stepped closer, hooking his little finger around hers. 

“I pinky promise. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, promise. Now, let’s go, I’m cold,” Lorcan said, threading his fingers through hers without thinking of it and pulling her behind him. Elide dutifully followed him, not bothering to look where she was going. Lorcan wouldn’t lead her astray, this she knew. Above all else, Elide could trust him. 

She looked up through the trees, smiling at the moon. All her life, Elide had loved the moon. Sometimes, it had been her only friend. It wasn’t much longer until they walked into a large clearing. 

Across it sat a stone cottage, the windows dark. There was an old truck sitting next to it and behind the truck there was a winding driveway that Elide assumed led back to the highway. “It’s so cute,” she said, dropping his hand and stepping towards it. 

Elide peered through the windows, seeing a lived-in space. She spied a bookcase. It looked like it was filled with books that were actually read. A thick, knitted blanket was thrown haphazardly over the back of the couch. “Wow, you know, I thought you’d have, like, one chair and one table… maybe a TV if you were feeling frisky.” 

He laughed and unlocked the door, reaching in to flick on the lights, “You coming in or not? Skinwalkers come out at night.” 

“You know Wendlyn lore?” 

Lorcan rolled his eyes, scoffing, “Skinwalkers are Ozuye. They stole it from us. My  _ uchiwayeki  _ scared me shitless with them so I wouldn’t sneak out at night.” 

“What’s that? Your u-unchi-” she tried to repeat the word. 

He laughed again, closing the door and toeing off his sneakers, “She’s my grandma. You can just call her  _ uci _ .” 

“Were you raised by all women?” 

“Yeah, my father wasn’t exactly around much , but I had the elders and my uncles,” he said, walking in further. “Do you want something to drink?” 

“Yes,” she said, slipping off her own shoes and padding further in. “Ooh, a woodstove?” 

Lorcan looked over his shoulder at her, smiling at her, “Yes, ma’am. It’s cold as shit here in the winters.” He glanced back at the cabinet, opening it to grab the bottle of vodka. Then, he added, “It reminds me of home, too.” 

She hummed, but didn’t say a thing. He could hear her moving around, touching things and putting them back. Lorcan got two glasses and poured a couple shots in each. He left the bottle on the counter as he turned back to her. 

Elide was sitting on the couch, running her hand over the knitted blanket, “This is so soft. Where did you get it?” 

“My sister made it,” he said casually, reaching over the couch to pass her her drink, “You’re a vodka girl, right?” 

“Uh-huh,” Elide said, taking the cup and drinking deeply. She hummed in appreciation, “Damn, this is good.” 

Lorcan swung himself expertly around the end of the couch, somehow managing not to spill a drop of alcohol even as he jostled Elide. Languidly, he stretched his legs out onto the coffee table, “Only the best for runaway duchesses.” 

Elide punched his shoulder, laughing into her glass, “ _ Future _ duchess, if you don’t screw it up.” 

He grinned rakishly, tipping his head back against the couch, “Only two more weeks for me to do so, I think you’re in the clear.” 

“Oh, how merciful of you. Let me bask in your graciousness just for a little while, o great one.” 

“Shut up, stupid.”

“Ok, ok, ok, tell me about your hair,” Elide slurred, pouting when she tipped the vodka bottle into her cup only to find it empty. “Please?”

Lorcan breathed in deeply, trying to collect his thoughts. “You know I’ve never cut it?” 

“Wow. It’s very, very long,” she said, reaching out before remembering herself and retracting her hand. Elide drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around her shins and resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes were bright, waiting for him to speak. 

Slowly, he undid the bun, shaking it out, “It’s a… it’s like our souls, you know? Our spirit. It’s an extension of us and we have to keep it safe. When we’re little, our parents braid for us to teach us and it’s a bond we make.” Lorcan twisted a strand between his fingers. “If we don’t have good feelings, we carry our sadness with us.”

“Can I touch it?” 

He looked at her for a moment, reading her eyes. “...yeah. Be careful.”

Elide smiled, beckoning him over as she crossed her legs. Lorcan laid down, his eyes falling shut when Elide’s hands slid into his hair and she guided his head into her lap. She gently fingered the thick locks, her nails scratching his scalp. “It’s very soft.” 

“Thank you,” he said quietly. Lorcan reached out, trailing his hand down her leg. Her right leg was hanging off the edge of the couch. “What happened?” 

His fingers were gentle on her ankle. Lorcan’s chest felt funny as it sunk in sadness. He drunkenly rubbed it, like it would stop him from hurting. “What did he do to you, Elide?” 

Her fingers stilled in his hair and Elide inhaled a shaking breath. “Um, I was eight? Or nine, I don’t quite remember.” Lorcan reached up, taking one of her hands and holding it against his chest. He hoped that she smiled as he did so and that she smiled even wider when he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “My therapist said that’s normal. For trauma, not remembering.” 

Lorcan nodded, looking down at her ankle. He didn’t say a word and he didn’t need to. 

“It was dark. Night. And I remember running,” she whispered, running her hand over and over through his hair. “I was in a… a field. Then I fell. And all I could feel was pain.” Elide didn’t cry. “I remember Finnula. She was the nanny my uncle hired to take care of me after my parents died. She carried me to my uncle, told him I needed to get to the hospital because my ankle was broken.” 

She fell silent and Lorcan squeezed her hand, quietly telling her he was right there. “And then he told me that little girls who broke rules deserved to be in pain and then he sent me to my room. He locked me in there for days until I stopped screaming and when he finally let a doctor see it, it was too late for it to be reset without surgery but… he said I wouldn’t be allowed to have any surgery and since he was the duke, no one questioned him.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Lorcan whispered. 

“Oh, don’t be,” Elide chuckled. “I had a bunch of surgeries, physio-therapy… I even have a fancy cane. Aelin got it made just for me.” She leaned down, whispering in his ear, “It even comes with a hidden knife in the handle.” 

Lorcan laughed, slowly sitting up and turning to face her, “Why am I not surprised by that?” 

“Because our dear Aelin is a creature of predictability,” she winked and hopped off the couch. “Now, I’m hungry. What food do you have in this kitchen of yours?” 

“Depends, what do you want?” 

“Ooh, I don’t know,” Elide pouted. She opened the fridge, popping a hip out and resting her hand on it. “What about… grilled cheese sandwiches? It’s the only thing I can make.” 

“And why am I not surprised by  _ that _ either, sweetheart? Go sit down, I got this.” 

Elide scowled at him, but grabbed the six pack of beers on the nearest shelf and hopped up on the counter. “So,” she popped the tops off two bottles, handing one to him, “tell me about your parents. You know you call your mom ‘mom’, but you call your dad ‘father’. Daddy issues?” 

“Of course,” he said, tipping his bottle back and swallowing. “Um, he and my mom met, had me, got married, had a couple more kids… then Cillian left. I was ten and was so pissed at my mom that she didn’t let me go live with him. When I was twelve, I got to go to court, decide who I wanted to live with.” Lorcan’s eyes shuttered as he pulled out cheese and butter, putting them both next to the bread. “I was so mad at my mom I said I wanted to live with my father during the school year, and my mom for July and August and holidays.” 

Elide drank silently, watching him with wide eyes as he went on, “So, when I went to Perranth, I was so excited to see him and be with him instead of my sisters and my mom and he… shipped me off to an all-boys school in Doranelle.” Lorcan laughed humorlessly, “I traveled from the Northern Isles, all the way across the Great Ocean to live with him, and he sent me right back to where I had come from. I was  _ two hours _ from my home.” 

He shook his head, reaching behind her to grab a cast iron skillet and put it on the stove, “But I was too stubborn to tell my mom I’d made the wrong choice so I talked it up to my sisters, told them I loved the school and I talked to our father all the time.” Shame flickered across his face as he lit the stove and grabbed a cheese grater. “Guess I talked it up too much because when they were twelve, they made the same choice and I stole my mom’s kids away from her. I’ve never forgiven myself for that, you know?” 

“Lorcan,” she whispered, just saying his name. Elide grabbed his beer and put both their bottles down. His head was bowed and she cupped his face, lifting it up, “You were just a kid. You didn’t mean it.” 

Lorcan shook his head, not meeting her gaze. Elide stared at him, trying to determine what she could say or… or do, to make him feel better. Swallowing hard, she rasped, “Lorcan, look at me.” 

Slowly, his eyes slid to hers, bracing his hands on the edge of the counter. His body caged hers in and Elide had thought she would’ve felt cornered, but she leaned forward, their lips a hairsbreadth apart. 

She drew in a breath to voice some other reassurance, but words failed her. His lips parted, a soft whisper of her name escaping him. Elide looked up at him through her lashes, her thumb stroking over his cheekbone. She gripped his bicep, fingers digging into sinewy muscle. “Kiss me,” she whispered. Elide swallowed when he leaned in, his nose tucked against hers. She could almost feel the soft scrape of his stubble against her face and trembled, “Please.” 

Without another word, Lorcan pressed his lips to her mouth softly, softer than before. His lips were pillowy and full and Elide could kiss him for hours. He kissed her deeper, slowly sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and caressing it with his tongue before he slid his tongue between her lips. He tilted his head to the side, using every opportunity to get closer to Elide. 

Elide gasped softly, the shadow of a beard on his strong jaw grazing her soft skin. Gods, she wanted more, she wanted it between–

Elide whimpered gently, her brain fogging up. She never wanted to stop this feeling. She needed more of this feeling. Lorcan seemed to understand as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, their bodies pressed together. 

Even still, Elide was barely satisfied. Her body ached for him, and they couldn’t become closer. She dropped the hand on his arm, slipping it under his loose tank top to scrape her nails over his flat stomach and lower. Lower. 

He breathed in sharply, pulling away when her fingertips hooked on his waistband, “Sweetheart…” 

“What?” 

Regret filled his irises. Lorcan shook his head, gently pulling her hand away, “We can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because you will regret it and I can’t live knowing I’m something you regret.” 

Her throat ached with tears and Elide whispered, “You could never be a regret to me.” Lorcan looked away, his jaw clenching. “Lorcan, please, look at me.” Maybe it was the heartbreak in her voice that made him look, or maybe it was because he could never stay away from her. Her birthday and every subsequent encounter had proved that. “Do you wish you hadn’t danced with me?” 

“No,  _ never, _ but, Elide… not this. You could never live with doing that to Fen. We both know it,” he said, letting her hand drop as he took a too-big step backwards. The absence of his broad frame tucked against hers made her body disproportionately cold. 

“And you? You think you could live with it?” 

A smug grin twisted his lips, but Elide didn’t miss the way it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “Of course I could. Haven’t you heard, I sold my heart and soul to the devil a long, long time ago, sweetheart.” 

Elide crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling tired and not ready to argue that she knew he was lying. “I should go back to my rooms. Aelin will probably send a search party soon.” 

“Elide, I said you could sleep here, and I meant it. Just take my bed.” 

“I’ll just sleep on the couch,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Lorcan opened his mouth to protest, but she was already slipping off the counter and walking over. “Lorcan, you’re, like, six-foot-nine and I’m _barely_ five-six. I’m taking the couch.” She fixed him with a determined glare, grabbing the blanket and holding it to her chest like proof. 

“I’m only six-eight.” 

Elide arched a brow, looking at him coldly. Lorcan exhaled and narrowed his eyes, running his tongue over his teeth. He was the first to look away and muttered something in his native tongue, “Fine, fuck it, take the couch, I don’t care.” 

She turned neatly, putting the blanket down and picking their empty glasses. Elide returned to the kitchen to put them in the sink, easily skirting around Lorcan as he put away the food they didn’t eat. “Good night,” Elide said, sending him a small smile. 

Lorcan’s face was flat, his eyes shrouded and unreadable. He dipped his head serenely, moving towards the bedroom, “Have a nice sleep.” Lorcan shut his door with a resound click. 

He didn’t even call her sweetheart. 

Elide laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep. And she was pissed. Lorcan pissed her off  _ so badly _ . Honestly, at that moment, Elide didn’t know if she wanted to kiss him or strangle him. Maybe both. 

She sighed, turning onto her stomach. Then, Elide closed her eyes, waiting for sleep. 

Five minutes later, her eyes snapped open and she wrestled the blanket off, throwing it to the floor. Remorse flooded through her and Elide picked it back up, folding it gently. It was a beautiful blanket, and Lorcan’s sister’s creation didn’t deserve her anger when it was directed at her  _ stupid, stupid  _ brother. 

Who was stupidly, stupidly beautiful. Elide stood up, ready to tear into him. She hadn’t in a couple weeks and thought it was time to make sure he didn’t get used to her kindness. 

Elide didn’t bother knocking on the door. She opened it, having the decency to do it quietly. Just as she leaned on the doorframe, her arms crossed, the fight left her. He was lying on his back, the duvet covering his legs. 

Lorcan had a hand tucked under the pillow that cradled his head, the other resting a couple inches beneath his sternum. His face, caught in sleep, was still harsh, but... unguarded. Long, thick lashes and his carved cheekbones - gods, she was jealous of his  _ cheekbones _ \- casted shadows down his cheeks. 

His expansive chest rose and fell slowly, indicating a deep, deep sleep. Asshole. Still slightly drunk, she snorted at herself and then immediately wished she could shove it back into her mouth when Lorcan sniffed. 

He blinked his eyes open, instantly locking onto her. Lorcan groaned softly and muttered something. He sat up, drawing his knees up and bracing his forearms against them, “I’m not in the mood to be yelled at, so–” 

“You lied.” 

“What?” 

Elide rolled her eyes, huffing in annoyance. “You said you could live with breaking Fenrys’ trust like that. You said you sold your soul to the devil a long time ago, but it’s not true.” He looked at her blankly, clearly not believing her. “It’s not true! Lorcan, it isn’t–” 

He groaned, falling down onto his back and flipping the duvet back, “Fuck, sweetheart, if I let you sleep next to me, will you shut up?” 

Elide laughed brightly, running and jumping onto the mattress next to him. She settled down, also on her back, her hands folded over her stomach. They laid in silence, both wide awake. 

“I’m right.” 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Elide.” 

“I’m right.” 

“If I agree that you’re right, will you stop talking and go to sleep?” He stretched his arm out, holding his hand up to her. 

Elide rolled over, letting him pull her into his side. They fit perfectly and Elide didn’t know why she was surprised. “Maybe.” 

The corners of his lips quirked upwards and he tugged her down, tucking her head above his heart. She could hear the smile in his voice and slid her arm across his trim waist. “Fine. You are right.” 

“Aha, I knew it.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lorcan said, hiding his grin in her hair, “go to sleep, sweetheart.” 

She shifted her hips, slotting her leg between his. It had never been easier to fall asleep, with her face pressed into his bare chest and a smile tugging at her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a lot, i know, i know but i do have some things to share !! about skinwalkers and the lore surrounding them !! 
> 
> skinwalkers are originally a navajo legend, but many native tribes believe in them - including the lakota ! here are the websites i used for research and there are also many many youtube videos that will give you a more in-depth understanding :): 
> 
> https://www.legendsofamerica.com/navajo-skinwalkers/
> 
> https://rivercityghosts.com/the-terror-of-the-skinwalker-the-native-american-boogeyman/
> 
> https://www.thevintagenews.com/2020/03/15/navajo-skinwalker/


	12. eleven

The moon cut through Lorcan’s bedroom window. He shivered slightly and turned over in bed, reaching for the warm body beside him. He couldn’t feel her and fucking  _ whined _ , like a gods-damned dog, when his searching motions didn’t find her. “Sweetheart,” Lorcan mumbled, “c’mere, I need you.” 

He still couldn’t reach her and sighed, slowly sitting up. As he scrubbed his eyes, Lorcan half turned and lifted his hand to rest it on her back, “Elide–” he fell silent when his hand thudded dully on the mattress. 

Lorcan looked more carefully, realising the space beside him was… empty.

Fuck, Elide had to have snuck out at some point. Sheets were still warm, so she couldn’t have been far. Even in the summer, Terrasen nights were cold and she’d be freezing. Lorcan figured he could catch her and convince her to come back, or at least so he could walk with her. 

He got out of bed and stalked out of his bedroom. His straight path to the door was paused when he noticed a figure sitting on the windowsill. “Elide? Is that you?” His voice grated through his throat. 

She sniffled, “I’m fine. Just- it was just a dream. Go back to bed, stupid.” 

Lorcan didn’t listen to her - he hardly ever did - and walked over to her. He did it slowly, noticing how she had shaken when he first stormed out. When he got to her, he crouched down in front of her and pushed his hair back with one hand. “Sweetheart,” he whispered, reaching his hand up to cup her cheek. “What happened?” 

“Nothing,” Elide wept, resting her head in his hand. 

Lorcan held in his sigh and stroked his thumb over her cheekbone, “It’s ok, Elide. No one’s gonna hurt you here, it’s just me.” 

“Yeah, well,” she hiccuped, “you’re a giant. You could hurt me if you want to.” 

He shook his head, “I don’t know if you know this, but you’re kinda a badass, Lochan. Even more than me, and that’s saying a lot.” Elide rolled her eyes and chuckled quietly. As he sat down, his hand dropped to her right calf. Elide tensed, but Lorcan could feel scar tissue. Swallowing once, Lorcan flicked his eyes to it. Her smooth, alabaster skin was unblemished and perfect, save for the scars that traveled across her ankle. “Did you dream about your injury?” 

Elide nodded when he looked back up at her, “Yeah.” 

Lorcan’s heart stuttered with guilt. If he hadn’t asked her about it the previous night, Elide would’ve been fine. But instead, he had brought up old, painful memories and put her in an unfamiliar place. He was a fucking bastard. “I’m sorry,” Lorcan whispered. “Do you want me to drive you back to the castle?” 

She shook her head, sniffling once, “No. I want to go back to sleep.” 

“Ok,” he said, calmly standing up. Elide flinched again and Lorcan clenched his jaw so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if he chipped a tooth. Vernon Lochan was living on borrowed fucking time and Lorcan had half a mind to remind him of that. “We can do that.” 

“You’ll stay with me?” Elide asked, looking up at him in… hope. It tore at his heart. Tentatively, she reached her hand out. Her fingers trembled and Lorcan took her hand. 

He nodded, pushing his hair back again with his free hand, “For as long as you want, Elide.” Elide slowly stood up and Lorcan, without hesitation, scooped her up into his arms. He went to walk back, but paused, looking down at the woman he held, “Is this ok?” 

Nodding, Elide rested her head against his shoulder. She didn’t say a word, but he felt her relax into him. 

Lorcan walked into his bedroom. He set her down and settled beside her on his back. Lorcan didn’t move to touch her, to let her choose what she wanted to do. Elide shifted slowly and carefully. She was tense as if he would react violently to anything she did. 

She turned away from him and then reached back to grip his forearm. Elide pulled it across her stomach, making him follow and curl around her. They fit effortlessly together. Elide’s head was tucked beneath his chin and as she pressed herself into his chest, Lorcan slid his arms around her. He had the urge to kiss the top of her head and he did so, inhaling the scent of her coconut shampoo, “You good, sweetheart?” 

Elide hummed and smiled. She turned her face to kiss his shoulder, “I’m good. Now.” 

He was thankful for the darkness and the fact that Elide was facing away from him as his cheeks heated, “Good.” 

Elide woke up with her face cradled in the crook of a tattooed arm. Her nose was smushed against Lorcan’s bicep and her eyelashes fluttered against his skin as she opened her eyes. 

A smile grew over her face as she studied him. Lorcan was breathing evenly. His nose twitched when strands of hair slid over his face and Elide laughed softly, reaching up to push it away. Her light touch had him humming and opening his eyes. 

Lorcan looked down at her, curled in his arms and quietly happy. “Good morning, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice lower and hoarser than usual. It had Elide curling her toes, pressing her face back into his chest. 

“Hello,” she whispered. Elide smiled again, knowing she had nowhere to be. The wedding wasn’t for another four days and… the wedding. She wasn’t supposed to be here and definitely not  _ here _ , waking up in another man’s bed and arms. 

The realisation seemed to hit them at the same time as Lorcan stiffened and let his arm fall away. Elide slowly sat up, swinging her legs to the side of the mattress. She thought about making a joke on how her toes just barely touched the thick carpet beneath the bed, but it wasn’t the time. “I should go.” 

The bed dipped as Lorcan stood, “Can I get you a coffee for your troubles?” 

She chuckled, shaking her head as she too stood and turned to face him. “I shouldn’t. I’ve been away for too long now.” 

“Of course,” he said. Lorcan tossed her the hoodie she was wearing the night before. Sleeping next to him was like sleeping next to a furnace so, eventually, Elide had had to rip it off and throw it onto the chair in the corner. 

Elide caught her hoodie and tugged it on, pushing her hair back and redoing her ponytail. She dug her phone out of her pocket, squinting at the slew of notifications she had missed. Fenrys had called a few times, before giving up and sending her a text hoping she was safe. 

Aelin had called, Lysandra too. Rowan had just texted her, telling her to call him if she needed help. 

“Have they sent out a search party yet?” 

She laughed, “No, not yet.” Elide pocketed the device and they both left the room. 

Lorcan started making coffee as Elide used the bathroom. 

By the time she was done, the rich scent of a dark roast filled the air. Elide looked forlornly towards his mug and Lorcan smirked, “You want some?” 

She was already grabbing another mug and filling it halfway. Elide slid into the seat opposite his and drank deeply, sighing happily at the reviving elixir. “Oh, I love you.” 

“Talking to me or the coffee there, sweetheart?” 

Elide scoffed, kicking his shin hard under the table. Lorcan jolted, a hiss of pain freed from his lips. “The coffee, of course. You, I loathe.” 

His eyes glowed with delight as he sipped his coffee. Elide matched his sip, blaming the warmth in her stomach on the hot drink and nothing,  _ nothing _ else. 

Lorcan was on his third cup as Elide slid her shoes on. He leaned against the wall next to the door, holding it open for her when she stood up. 

Elide stepped out onto the little porch and spun back to face him as he leaned against the doorframe. She flashed him a blinding grin, so big her nose scrunched and her irises disappeared. Lorcan smiled, still not letting his teeth show, but his eyes said everything the grin didn’t. “Whatever will they say, sweetheart? A betrothed duchess-to-be spending her night with the man trying to steal her throne? Scandalous.” 

She laughed, smacking his shoulder. On impulse, Elide rose on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. She lost her balance and quickly, Lorcan caught her with his arms around her waist. Elide rested her hands on his chest, idly tracing the line of ink that came over his shoulder, “I had a nice time, Salvaterre. You might say the same.” 

Lorcan laughed and leaned down. A shiver went down her spine when his lips brushed against her cheekbone and then the shell of her ear. Elide turned her head to the side, distracted by a flash of movement that caught her eye. 

He started to whisper something, but Elide was frozen. She stared, agape, directly at the camouflaged photographer and the big, black camera they carried. Immediately, her heart sunk and her throat tightened to the point of pain, “Oh my gods.” 

She pushed Lorcan away, looking up at him with the most heartbroken expression he had ever seen. “You fucking  _ bastard _ .” 

“Sweetheart—“

Elide shoved his chest, “Don’t you  _ dare _ call me that right now. How could you?” She pointed at the paparazzi, tears stinging her eyes, “You’ve ruined  _ everything _ .” 

Lorcan followed her pointed finger, stiffening when he saw the photographer. “El, I didn’t know—“ 

“Fuck you,” she whispered, slapping his arm away when he tried to reach for her. 

“Sweetheart, I didn’t fucking know,” he said, “I didn’t tell anyone!” 

Elide shook her head as she backed away from him, “Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t talk to me, just leave me alone.” 

The light in his eyes shattered and he took one single step after her retreating form, “Elide…” 

She didn’t bother sticking around for whatever bullshit he would spew. Elide took one last look at the cameraman and fled, sprinting back up the path Lorcan had led her down last night. 

As she passed the curve, she almost laughed at herself for thinking what she had thought. Elide pushed herself faster, and faster, and faster still. 

There were no cars on the highway as she flew down the shoulder, quickly eating up the kilometre between Lorcan’s house and the palace. 

Her throat was burning, her lungs greedily gulping down any and all oxygen they could get. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she lied to herself, pretending it was because of the sting of the crisp morning air. 

She cut away onto a path that wound through the wall of trees and dense forest to the back entrance. The trail was bouncy and soft beneath her feet as Elide raced through, the flora a green blur to her. 

Elide held back sobs, knowing if she broke down anywhere other than her room, the media would find her and pictures of her breakdown would be splashed across every paper and magazine. She refused to give Lorcan the satisfaction. 

The palace walls came into view and Elide almost collapsed in relief. She didn’t slow down at all as she neared the back gate and slammed it open. Glancing around the small courtyard, she didn’t see a single person as she sprinted through to the door. 

Elide ran to the back stairs, racing up. As she neared the top step, a stabbing pain shot up her leg through her ankle and Elide tripped. 

She was sent sprawling across the floor. Her chin slammed into the marble and Elide cried out in pain. Gritting her teeth against the feeling, she pushed herself up to sitting. 

Elide leaned back against the wall, her vision blurring. She couldn’t hold back anymore and sobbed quietly, dropping her head into her hands. Her shoulders shook, her body racked with sobs. 

“Oh gods, Elide?” 

She only cried harder at Fenrys’ voice, not looking up until she felt a presence kneeling before her. There was only concern shining on her friend’s face as Fenrys reached out to gently tug Elide’s hands away, “Elide, love.” 

“I got played,” Elide whispered, sniffling sadly. “He played me.” It was as if her heart literally cracked in her chest and it cracked so violently, Fenrys had to have heard it. 

Fenrys pulled her up to standing, letting Elide lean against him. The young lord took most of Elide’s weight as they walked slowly down the hall to Elide’s rooms. 

When they were safely inside, Elide wrapped her arms around Fenrys’ neck, pressing her face into his shoulder, “I’m such an idiot, Fen. I’m- I’m so fucking dumb.” Fenrys just held her tighter, cupping the back of Elide’s head and slowly rocking her side to side. “I- I went- and then-” Elide choked, her words tumbling over themselves as she tried to explain. She needed to explain. 

Fenrys just shushed her softly and guided her to her bedroom. Elide only let go to climb into her bed, but the moment Fenrys sat down next to her, she was clinging to him like she would be forever lost without him. 

“I got played,” she repeated dumbly. Tears slid down her cheeks anew, her face crumpling, “Why would he do that, I thought—” Elide cut herself off, unable to voice her foolish hopes.

_ He lied to me. _

“El,” Fenrys said, gently nudging her. 

Elide hummed, sniffling sadly, “Yeah?” 

His face was tight, almost wincing in guilt, “Um, Aelin’s coming to see you. She’s… worried.” 

Elide panicked, her breaths coming faster and faster. She sat up, already looking for something to hide behind, or something that would make her smaller, “Fen- I- I’m in so much trouble, I-” she cut herself off, already scratching her arm. “You have to help me leave, she’ll murder me, she’ll be so mad–” 

“Hey, hey, Lochan,” Fenrys soothed her, gently gripping her hands. “Breathe in with me, love.” 

He inhaled deeply, through his nose, exhaling exaggeratedly through his mouth. Elide copied him, closing her eyes and trying to focus. 

“Aelin is worried, ok? She’s been worried the whole night. All she wants to do is make sure that you’re ok. That’s all.” 

Elide nodded, still breathing slowly, “You’ll stay, right?” 

Fenrys nodded, pulling her back into his side, “‘Course I will.” She curled into his side, grateful that he held onto her hands. When he moved slightly, Elide panicked, lifting up to stop him. Fenrys shook his head, making a soothing sound, “I’m just gonna text Aelin to let her know where we are. I’m staying the whole time, honeybunch.” 

Elide smiled at the nickname, nodding as she settled back down. 

“Everything will work out, Ellie,” Fenrys said, resting his chin on top of her head. 

She nodded again, not saying a word. 

Not even five minutes later, her bedroom door slammed open and in shot a flash of gold. Before Elide could prepare herself, Aelin had wrapped her arms around her, squeezing the breath out of Elide. 

Elide hugged her back, pressing her face into Aelin’s shoulder, “Ae–” 

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Aelin cried, pulling back and cupping Elide’s face. “I was so worried, love! I couldn’t sleep. Come here, let me have a look at you.” The queen twisted Elide’s head this way and that, virtually checking every strand of hair on Elide’s head. She gripped Elide’s jaw, checking over her face. “I’m so glad you’re back, oh, love.” 

For the first time in hours, it seemed, Elide smiled, gently gripping Aelin’s wrists, “I’m ok, Ae. I’m not hurt.” Physically. “I’m sorry for wrecking everything.” 

Aelin rolled her eyes, shaking her head, “There’s nothing I can’t fix. But,” she became serious, pulling back slightly, but still, her hands stayed on Elide’s face, gentle, soothing, “you have to tell me what happened. We all need to be on the same page, to show a united front.” 

Elide nodded, blowing out a long breath. 

“Good, now, let’s get to my office. We’ll meet everyone, get you some food, and figure this whole thing out, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Elide agreed, smiling when Aelin leaned forward to kiss her cheek. 

The footage was grainy and shaking, but Elide could still clearly see herself standing on Lorcan’s porch, smiling up at him. 

Nobody made a sound as they all watched, faces set and serious. Her stomach rolled with nausea as Elide watched herself rock onto her tiptoes to kiss Lorcan’s cheek. Smoothly, almost too smoothly, when she stumbled, his arms slid around her waist. 

They looked like a couple, saying good-bye in the morning. It looked natural and that was the thing that disgusted Elide the most. That she looked  _ comforted _ in his arms. That she gave him a soft, shy grin. 

In that grin said everything Elide would never be able to tell Fenrys. Things neither of them would be able to feel. 

She fussed over her outgrown nails, steadily peeling and picking the iridescent acrylic off. Her nail artist would be irritated with her, for ruining all the hard work she’d put in and because improper removal damaged the natural nail. 

Elide felt her cheeks heat as they continued watching. On screen, Lorcan leaned down and Elide turned her head to the side, her face draining of all colour as her eyes locked on the camera. 

She shoved him away, snapping something harsh before slapping his hand away. Lorcan was the epitome of hurt shock, his brows furrowing in an effort to hide his pain. 

When Elide backed away, he followed her for one step. She was shaking her head, her hands curled into fists to stop the shaking. 

The footage ended before she could turn and run away. Images of her and Fenrys at various events, wearing bright smiles, flashed over the screen as Remelle’s affected voice rang out,  _ “It seems not all is sunshine and smiles for the betrothed couple! Elide Lochan, Lady of Perranth, was seen looking  _ very  _ cozy with Lorcan Salvaterre, the man challenging her claim as the future duchess.”  _

The photos faded away to reveal Remelle sitting behind her desk, her hands resting clasped on the sleek glass surface.  _ “The royal family has never been drama free, but this generation of leaders seem to have little care. The queen herself is not shy of the camera and has no doubt influenced little Elide–”  _

Elide reached over, turning off the TV before Remelle could pin the blame on Aelin. The others let out long breaths, nodding slightly to themselves. Lysandra spoke first, “Well. That is… something.” Elide shot her an apologetic look, but the green-eyed beauty waved her off with an excited beam, “Please, I live for this stuff! We haven’t had a scandal in quite some time.” 

Elide chuckled humorlessly, “I’m glad I can be of some use.” 

Lysandra nodded distractedly, getting lost in her work. “I’ve already drafted a public statement from you and Fen and called some people.” 

The  _ some people _ sounded ominous, but Elide didn’t comment on it. 

Elide trudged back to her rooms, feeling… drained. She’d told her friends that she didn’t need them to stay with her and luckily, they hadn’t pushed the issue. 

She just knew, that if one of them was with her, they’d try to distract her, to make her smile and Elide… she wanted to be sad. For a little while, she didn’t want to pretend that everything was alright. 

Nothing was alright. She was alone and painfully reminded of  _ that _ as the doors to her rooms shut, the sound seeming to echo through the emptiness of the hallway and all subsequent rooms. 

She kicked off her slippers, not caring where they landed. Elide walked down to her bedroom and opened the door. For a while, she stood on the threshold, unmoving. 

The ball of fur that was her dog came loping over, lovingly bumping her nose into Elide’s leg. Bear whined softly, her tail hanging low for once. 

Elide idly patted Bear’s large head. As she stared into her bedroom, all she could see was  _ his _ room. In the place of her bed was Lorcan’s, but instead of neat, crisp sheets and fluffed pillows, it was her wrapped up in his arms. 

Eyes filling with tears, Elide blinked rapidly. She turned on her toes, pulling the door shut. Anywhere would be better than her room. She walked into her living room and grabbed the soft wool blanket tossed casually over the chair. 

With the blanket wrapped securely around her shoulders, Elide curled up in the bay window, blankly staring out at the grounds. Bear hopped up, pushing her head into Elide’s lap. Elide laughed slightly, leaning down to kiss the top of Bear’s head, “Hi, bub. I’m sorry I was gone last night.” She scratched Bear’s floppy ears, “I’m happy to see you.” 

The dog turned her big eyes on Elide, huffing slightly. 

Elide kissed her dog’s head once more before she leaned back against the wall. 

She watched the sky and after a while, she couldn’t hold back anymore. Her tears overflowed, spilling down her cheeks without a sound. Elide weeped for her parents, for her family. She cried for Ress and for Fenrys, for everything she had carelessly ruined. 

Though she would never admit it, to herself or anyone else, some of her tears were for Lorcan. She knew he had lied about his motives, but his father and his mom, his sisters… none of that was false. 

And because of that, maybe because of their broken stories, Elide cried for the children they had once been. 

A migraine threatened to throb behind her eyes. Elide lifted her head from the window pane she’d fallen asleep on. The movement had her wincing and hissing in discomfort. 

Very carefully, she got up and walked to her bathroom for a glass of water. The cool drink helped ease the pain. Elide sighed, grabbing a cloth to run under the tap. She pressed it to her forehead, sighing again in relief. 

She washed her face, cleansing away tear stains and remnants of mascara. Elide patted her face dry. As she contemplated doing a face mask, somebody knocked on her door. 

Elide sniffed, quickly redoing her messy bun and fixing up her hoodie so she could at least pretend that she hadn’t been crying pathetically all day. 

Bear was lying in front of the hall stand when Elide walked out. Whoever it was knocked again, harder and sharper. “Anneith above, calm yourself, I’m  _ coming _ ,” Elide grumbled, rubbing her eyes as she opened the door. 

Her eyes landed on a black t-shirt stretched across an unfairly defined chest. The sight had her breath hitching and her throat aching with tears even before she looked up and saw Lorcan. Elide blocked out the remorse and sincerity shining in his eyes, not trusting him. “I meant what I said, Lorcan,” she snapped before he could open his mouth. “I don’t want to see you.”

“I know, but, El, please, I didn’t know they were there. I promise,” he said. 

Elide shook her head, closing the door. Lorcan put his hand on it, so she couldn’t close it completely, “I would never do that to you, you- please. Believe me.” 

“How am I supposed to believe you, Lorcan,” she asked, voice broken. “The first moment we met was a lie! Why should I believe anything you say to me?  _ How _ can I believe anything that happened was true?” Elide was determined not to cry, but tears were brimming in her eyes. His expression changed when he saw them, something breaking. 

“Sweetheart…” Lorcan said. 

“Stop calling me that, you don’t get to call me that anymore,” Elide whispered, her lips trembling. “Tell me why I should believe a single word you say.” 

“Because I would never do that to you. And if you think I would… you know nothing about me.” 

She sniffled, wiping her eyes, “I guess I know nothing about you, then.” Without another word, Elide closed the door just as the first tears spilled down her cheeks. 

Lorcan pressed his hand against the door, the other fisting by his side. He would never do that to her. He couldn’t stomach the idea of hurting her. 

He didn’t want the title and Lorcan cursed himself for not telling her he was leaving last night. His flight home was booked for the day of the wedding. Elide and Fenrys’. 

Lorcan had to let her go. With a deep breath, he spoke, “Sweetheart, I’m… I’m leaving. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He closed his eyes, cursing himself for being such an ass. “I meant to tell you last night, but I’m leaving. Perranth. I don’t want the title and I’m not contesting anything.” 

For a second, he waited - to see if she would answer, to see if she would ask him to stay or if she would… 

If she would tell him she loved him. 

And she didn’t. There wasn’t a peep from inside the doors and Lorcan nodded to himself, wondering why he thought she would answer. He stepped away, his shoulders curving inwards. 

When he turned to walk away, he saw Aelin standing at the end of the hall, a tray of tea and food in her hands. “Ae–” 

“You love her,” she said quietly, looking between Lorcan and the door. “You’re in love with–” 

“Aelin, please. Don’t,” Lorcan whispered, shaking his head as he walked down the hall. “I don’t need to ruin anything more than I already have. Elide is happy and that-” he choked slightly, clearing his throat, “and her happiness is the only thing I care about.” 

The queen looked in dismay, “Lorcan, you make her happy. You do,” she insisted when Lorcan laughed humorlessly, “I have known that girl her entire life and even when she’s mad at you, you make her happy. I love her more than anything–” 

“So do I,” he admitted defeatedly as he rubbed his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I get to have her, ok? She doesn’t have to love me back and why should she? Everything she  _ just _ fucking said is true.” 

“But–” 

Lorcan shook his head, “Not buts, your Majesty. I’m letting her go. I’m letting the title go. She has Fenrys and they make each other happy–” 

“You could make her happier,” Aelin said. 

He gave her a look, continuing his point, “ _ They  _ make each other happy and that matters more than me. She matters more than me. Fenrys matters more than me.”

For his sake, Lorcan supposed, Aelin held her tongue, “When are you leaving?” 

“In three days. I’m gonna go home for a while, figure some stuff out.” Lorcan was looking forward to seeing his mother, his grandma. His sisters, too, and the tribe. 

“Will you come to the wedding?” 

Lorcan snorted, “I don’t think either of them want me there, so no.” He shifted on his feet, looking down at the floor. “Ae… can you do something for me?” 

“What is it?” 

He glanced back at Elide’s doors, “Can you tell Fen I won’t be there? And say… good-bye to everyone.” 

Aelin nodded tightly, “Yeah. I can.” 

“Thank you,” Lorcan said. “I’ll let you go.” He went to turn and paused, “Um, last night… Elide had a nightmare. She said it was about her injury. She was pretty messed up about it, so just make sure she’s ok, please?” 

“Of course. Tell your grandma hi for me. And your sisters too. And your mom.” 

Lorcan nodded, stepping around her and walking away, even though every step drove the spike deeper and deeper into his heart. 

“El…” Aelin started as she walked out onto the balcony. She put the tray down on the low table. 

“Is he gone,” Elide asked bluntly, leaning against the railing. 

Aelin sighed, “Elide.” 

She turned around, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, “What?” Her cousin looked at her with an unimpressed look, the light in her eyes determined. Elide stopped her before she could say anything, “Ace, can you just… not? I can’t think or talk about him anymore.” 

It would break her heart clean in two, decimating the pieces Elide had worked so hard to stitch back together. “Please,” she whispered, “Aelin, don’t make me talk about him and don’t talk about him to me, because I am  _ barely _ holding it together and he’s gone now and I just… I deserve to be at peace.” 

“Are you at peace, El? Without him?” 

The lie tasted foul in her mouth, her body almost physically reacting to it, “Yes. I am.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im truly sorry. actually, i am very sorry, i know it hurts.


	13. twelve

_ “Baby,” whispered a soft, sweet voice. Gentle fingertips dragged over his cheeks and then a single finger ran up the bridge of his nose. “Wake up.” _

_ Lorcan squinted his eyes against the light in the bedroom. He looked up at the woman leaned over him, startling to see Elide centimetres from his face, “Fucking hell, Elide, what are you doing?”  _

_ She rolled her eyes, “Waking you up, obviously. I’m hungry.”  _

_ “Yeah, but what are you doing  _ here _? In my bed?”  _

_ Elide arched a brow, “We live together, stupid.”  _

_ He was only more confused, “Why?”  _

_ The small woman huffed, shifting to straddle his waist, hands resting on his bare stomach. The shirt she wore -  _ his _ shirt, Lorcan realised with another jolt - bunched up around the tops of her thighs, “We’re engaged, Lorcan. We’ve been together for years, are you fucking with me right now?” Elide bit back a smile, her eyes glittering. Then, she leaned down, sliding her hands up his chest, “What on the gods’ green earth are you waiting for? Kiss me, you foolish man.”  _

_ Lorcan grinned, reaching up to cup her jaw and tilting his chin up to capture her soft lips in his embrace. She melted into his touch, sighing softly. _

_ Gently, so gently, her hands slid into his hair. Elide scratched her long nails over his scalp, parting her lips for his tongue.  _

_ When Lorcan pulled away to trail his lips down her jaw, Elide’s hands slid down his neck and she hummed, the sound pleased and sated. She sat up, pulling him to sit as well, “A very good morning to you.”  _

_ “Hello, sweetheart,” Lorcan said, his voice low and rumbling. With a little laugh, Elide kissed the tip of his nose and slipped off the bed. She pranced over to the bedroom door and opened it, padding out into the rest of the cabin.  _

_ Lorcan sniffed once, stretching as he stood to follow her. Nothing made sense and yet… this was his paradise, so he would go along with it for however long this lasted. She was in his kitchen, filling up the tea kettle to boil water for coffee.  _

_ He leaned against the doorframe, utterly satisfied to watch her move around the room like it was natural. Like she did it every day.  _

_ It was comfortable, the dynamic. If he could choose one moment to stay in for the rest of his life, Lorcan would choose this one.  _

_ Too soon, it changed. His kitchen and living room faded away, Elide in his shirt faded away. Lorcan was left like that morning.  _

_ Elide was ripping herself away from him, anger and hatred poorly covering the hurt in her eyes. “How could you do this to me?”  _

_ “El, I didn’t know,” he started. “I didn’t know he was there, I promise, I didn’t–”  _

_ “I hate you, Lorcan Salvaterre. You’ve ruined  _ everything _ and why? Because you want–”  _

_ “Sweetheart,” Lorcan said, stepping closer to her, “you have to believe me, I would never hurt you like this, please.”  _

_ She let out a cold laugh, crossing her arms tightly, “Believe you? How can I do that? You’ve never shown me a single reason for–”  _

_ “I love you,” he rasped, making her words die. Lorcan stepped closer and closer again when she didn’t move. Hope swelled in his chest, maybe this time, he could fix it. This time he wouldn’t let her slip away, slip through his fingers again. “Elide, I am… so in love with you. I don’t want the title, I don’t want Perranth, I just want you. Forever.”  _

_ Elide stared at him blankly. Then, disgust twisted her delicate, fine-boned features, “You are nothing. A bastard-born boy whose own  _ father _ didn’t even want him.” Lorcan’s breath hitched, the words stabbing deep into him. Elide snorted, “What makes you think you are worthy of my love in return? What makes you think you are even worthy of  _ loving me _ after all you’ve done?”  _

_ It couldn’t be real–it wasn’t real. And yet that coldness in her face, the distance…  _

_ He’d earned it. Deserved it.  _

Lorcan woke up with a start, his breathing ragged. Groggily, still half-asleep and caught in that agonising paradise, he reached across the bed for her. 

She would soothe his frayed soul. Gentle hands would take his ravaged heart and make it better. 

All he felt were cold sheets and he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Lorcan mumbled something incoherent, wondering why he was alone. Through the window, moonlight tumbled onto the empty spot beside him, virtually untouched. 

And then it hit him. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

Everything really was ruined. 

And Elide did indeed hate him. 

And he did indeed love her. 

Lorcan dropped his head into his hands, mumbling in his mother tongue,  _ “You really fucked it up this time. Gods-dammit, man.” _ He fell back on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. 

He knew there was no hope in him falling back asleep, not as the thought of what could have been taunted him. 

Two days now. He just had to make it two more fucking days. 

Lorcan was cranky. 

He had barely managed to fall asleep and had woken up what seemed like two minutes later. 

For breakfast, he drank three cups of coffee and could feel it buzzing through his veins. Lorcan neatly folded his clothes up and packed them in his duffel bag. 

There wasn’t much he had to take from his rooms at the palace and he wasn’t packing anything from his cabin. Though it hurt, Lorcan knew he had to sell it. He couldn’t be in this city, much less sleep in the bed that he had held her in. 

Lorcan just wanted to leave as soon as he could. He would get the rest of his things later, when he could slip under the radar. 

Someone knocked on the door. Lorcan nearly tripped over everything on his way, far too caffeinated. 

He opened the door, half leaning in front of the entrance. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s up, what’s up, what’s up,” he rattled, his eyes widened. 

Rowan arched a brow, “How much coffee did you drink, L?” 

“Oof, yeah, a lot. A lot. It’s all I had. A lot.” 

His friend rolled his eyes and shoved past him, calling back over his shoulder, “Why’d you drink so much coffee?” 

Lorcan shrugged, turning back to trail after Rowan, “I didn’t sleep well. Bad dream.” 

That had Rowan pausing. He slowly turned around, concern flashing in his green eyes, “How bad?” Rowan tilted his head to the side, waiting for an answer. Lorcan averted his gaze, fixing it on a speck of dust floating through the air. “Lorcan. Tell me.” 

Apparently it really didn’t take much for Lorcan to crack, because he opened his mouth, ready to let the whole tale spill out. 

But then, someone else wandered in and slapped Lorcan upside the head, “Well, if it isn’t the fiancée stealing bastard himself.” 

Lorcan sighed, “Good morning, Fenrys.” 

“Hey, bud,” Fenrys said, hugging Lorcan from behind. “You ok? You seem down.” 

He laughed slightly, lifting his hand to pat Fenrys’ cheek, “I’m fine. You here to help me pack?” 

Fenrys stepped away and joined Rowan, “Yessir. The ol’ ball and chain wants you gone as soon as possible.” 

The mention of Elide made Lorcan’s throat tighten. It made the light, familiar atmosphere of the room disappear. Lorcan nodded tightly, “Yep. It’s what I’m doing.” Without another word, he resumed packing, feeling his friends’ stares on him. “What are you staring at?” 

He didn’t lift his head as he asked the question. Someone closed the door. Fenrys, probably. He was the closest to it. 

“Lorcan. You can’t hide it from us.”

Lorcan snorted, shaking his head, “Is this an interrogation?” He folded a pair of jeans, putting them on the stack of pants. “Thought you were here to help me pack.” 

Rowan made a disgusted sound , “You’re lying to everyone else right now. Don’t do it to us. We deserve better than that.” 

With a tortured sigh, Lorcan lifted his head, looking at Rowan. In an even voice, he said, “I am not lying to you. I have no idea what I’m meant to be hiding from you, so if you could tell me what the fuck it is, I might be able to help.” 

“You’re in love with Elide,” Fenrys stated bluntly, casually running a finger over the footboard. “And she’s in love with you too, but she doesn’t trust you. You can’t stand to be in the same city as her ever again knowing you fucked up what would have been a lifetime of happiness with her because once you’ve messed up with Elide, she doesn’t give you second chances and you know that, so you’re leaving. Going home, seeing your grandma. You’ll think you’re starting to heal because you’re half a world away from her and you’re hoping right now you’ll forget about Elide eventually.” 

Fenrys looked up, his eyes serious, but somehow curious, hopeful, even, “But. The thing is, because Elide loves you, she’ll give you another chance. Just one, though. You aren’t that special.” He laughed a bit, waiting for Lorcan to respond. 

“Fen, I’m leaving because my father never wanted this and Maeve’s been manipulating me this entire time and I was actually dumb enough to believe her.” Lorcan said harshly. “Elide is the better fit. She deserves the title.” His chest ached. It felt like he was being stabbed, but still, he said, “I do not love her. I am not in love with Elide and she  _ definitely  _ does not love me.”

They both stared at him in disbelief, their faces set. Rowan narrowed his eyes and then shook his head, muttering, “You’re fucking impossible.” 

Fenrys wasn’t giving up. He stepped forward, brows furrowed, “Lorcan, we can fix it. You don’t have to give–” 

“Give up? I don’t have to give up, Fenrys, really?” Lorcan stood, dropping the t-shirt he’d been holding. “I don’t know why neither of you get it. Elide doesn’t ever want to see me again. She doesn’t trust me and I will never get her trust.”  _ I don’t deserve it _ . “I don’t want to talk about her, so if you aren’t here to help me pack my shit, then just fuck off, man.” 

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Lorcan stared at Fenrys like he couldn’t believe the things he himself had just said. His friend’s face crumpled slightly and he stepped back as if he had been hit. 

“Fen, I–” 

“Nope. I get it, L,” Fenrys said tightly. He nodded once, “I’ll go. Say hi to your grandma for me, yeah? And your mom and the twins.” 

“Wait, Fenrys, I’m–” 

“Lorcan, it’s fine, really,” the blond man assured him. “I’m sorry for pushing it. I’ll let you get back to packing. I have wedding stuff, anyway.” He flashed a grin that didn’t reach his eyes and walked out, gently closing the door behind him. 

“Fuck,” Lorcan mumbled, cursing himself for ruining another relationship in his life. Bitterly, he half-wondered how many more months it would be until he and Rowan stopped talking. It seemed only inevitable. Lorcan sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head in his hands. 

The mattress dipped as Rowan sat next to him. There was no hesitation when the king consort pulled Lorcan into a tight hug. He dropped a kiss on the top of Lorcan’s head, “It’s alright. He knows you don’t mean it.” 

Lorcan slowly wrapped his arms around Rowan, resting his forehead on Rowan’s shoulder. “Does he?” 

Rowan didn’t say a word. 

Elide had been cooped up in her room all day. 

Papers detailing wedding plans and the like were spread over every viable surface except for Bear’s bed. 

She messily shoved her hair back as she checked over the seating chart. Elide couldn’t recognise more than half of the names. With a harried sigh, she signed off on the bottom and tossed it onto the finished pile. It was significantly smaller than the to-be-done stack and she blew out a long breath. 

Her last dress fitting was tomorrow and in three days, Elide would be someone’s wife. 

The thought of it alone had nausea rolling through her gut. Elide was looking for something to distract her when someone knocked on her door. 

Relieved, she hopped off her bed. Bear perked up at her first movement in hours and loped after her. 

Elide opened the door, smiling at Fenrys. “Fen, hey,” she said, her smile dampening at his sober expression. “Is everything alright?” 

He shrugged, his eyes flat, “Just wanted to see you.” Elide arched a brow, but stood to the side to let him in. “And I wanted to talk.” 

She closed the door, nervously pushing her hair back behind her ears, “‘Kay.” Pushing past him as Fenrys toed off his shoes, she went to open her bedroom door, but thought about the wedding details displayed across every inch of the room. 

Smoothly, she pivoted to the living room and led Fenrys over to the couch. “You’re not breaking up with me, are you?” 

He huffed a dry laugh, shaking his head, “No can do, baby doll. You’re stuck with me.” He sat down heavily, his shoulders curving and taking all the humour out of his words. “But, El…” 

Elide sat down next to him, slipping a hand onto his back and rubbing soothing circles, “I know, love.” She paused, then added, “About Ress. I see it when you look at him.” 

Fenrys nodded, leaning to the side and resting his head on her shoulder, “And I see it when you look at Lorcan.” For once, Elide didn’t bother arguing. It would be futile, and unlike with anyone else, she didn’t feel shame in admitting it that the dark-eyed man had her heart clasped in his hand. “I know you said that there wasn’t anything to cry about ‘cause I’m so pretty, but,” Fenrys’ voice cracked, “can we maybe cry about your love life instead of mine?” 

Elide nodded. Her eyes fell shut and, quicker than she thought was possible at this point, tears slid past her lashes, over her cheeks. 

She thought maybe it would feel cleansing, that maybe it would wash away the pain in her chest, but Elide had never missed another being more. 

She didn’t have to acknowledge who it was. Everyone knew already. 

Except him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sowwy 🥺


	14. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh im just so sorry for this. good luck.

_“Stay still.”_

Elide held in her sigh, wanting to snap back at the elderly Blackbeak seamstress. Her thick, deep accent reminded Elide of her mother’s mother, who had died when she was young. _“Yes, ma’am_ ,” she mumbled, decidedly averting her gaze from the mirror. 

She didn’t want to see herself in the dress. It would only upset her. 

The gown was by far the heaviest thing Elide had ever worn. 

Voluminous, beaded skirts practically drowned her petite frame, tightened almost painfully around her waist. A long, cathedral train rested on the carpeted floor of the dressing room. An old, crotchety seamstress fluttered around Elide, snapping at her to stay still. 

Usually, Elide could handle elderly people speaking sharply to her, but today it had her teetering on the edge of near sobbing. 

There was a mirror in front of her. Elide tried her best to not look at her reflection, not confident in her abilities to keep her breakfast down if she saw herself. 

Big dresses and sweeping trains were the traditional wedding outfit. Elide loathed it. 

“How does this feel?” 

Elide snapped out of her reverie, “Oh, it’s good. Feels fine.” 

The seamstress - Cresseida - muttered something in Blackbeak that Elide didn’t quite catch. She gave Elide a disapproving look, like she was somehow directly impacted by Elide’s loveless union. _“Va_. You need minute?” 

Nodding slightly, Elide stayed completely frozen as the woman puttered around before slipping out of the room. She was left all alone, just her and the dress. 

Elide finally looked up into the mirror, swallowing past her tight throat. It was fine. This was fine. She was fine. 

Everything was fine. 

Lorcan strode through the hall, trying to remember the way Fenrys had told him to go. He had called Lorcan in the morning, telling him to go see Elide before it was too late. 

A willowy old woman was standing by the dressing room door. She eyed him distrustfully, her blue eyes flashing, “Who are you? What you want with the girl?” Her Blackbeak accent was thick. 

“I just need to talk to her. I’ll be done in five minutes,” he said coolly, hoping silently that Elide would give him more than five minutes. The gods knew he didn’t deserve it, but Lorcan hoped for the rest of his life.

The woman squinted at him, making a vague gesture with her hands. At the ends of her fingers, long, sharp nails flashed. “You make cry, I will carve heart out,” she warned him menacingly. Lorcan was stupid, but not stupid enough to think it was an idle threat. 

Something about her said she had done it many a time before and she was not scared of him. With a scoff, the woman muttered something and walked down the hallway, sitting herself on the window bench. She rolled her eyes, “You go in or not? Go, go, stupid boy.” 

Lorcan nodded and turned back to the door, knocking three times. Elide called, “Come in.” 

He breathed in deeply, slowly twisting the handle and opening the door. Lorcan didn’t move to take a step in, until Elide saw him in the mirror and gasped softly. Tears were already pooling in her eyes. “Why are you here?” 

“I want to talk to you.” 

For whatever reason, Elide nodded slightly, “Well, come in then. And close the door.” 

Lorcan did as she said, punishing himself by looking down at her dress. She looked ridiculous. The dress by itself was a work of art, intricate beading and lace, but on Elide… 

“You look like a doll,” he said, unable to stop himself. 

Elide inhaled sharply and looked away. Quietly, she said, “I know.” She fingered something on the bodice. “Why are you here, Lorcan?” 

“Because you shouldn’t marry Fenrys.” 

She let out a cold laugh, shaking her head, “Anneith above. If that’s what you’ve come to say, I’ve heard it enough. You can leave.” 

Lorcan didn’t. 

“Elide, don’t marry him.” 

Elide didn’t say a word. 

“Don’t marry him.” 

“Why not? Because it ruins your little plan?” 

“No, not that,” Lorcan said, hurt that she would think that was his only motive and angry at himself for everything. “You won’t be happy if you marry him.” 

“Oh, my happiness? That’s why you’ve come here?” she asked, her shoulders shaking with incredulous laughter. “You’re a terrible liar, you know.” 

“Sweetheart, I’m not lying,” he whispered, desperation bleeding through his words. He stepped closer to her, barely half a foot away. “You deserve to be happy and this won’t make you happy.” He didn’t care if he wasn’t the one to give it to her. If Elide found joy and love elsewhere, it would break him, yes, but he could live with it. Lorcan wanted to be the one to give it to her, he had never wanted anything more than it, but knowing she was content was enough, just the knowledge of that was enough. “Please. You- you deserve to be happy. More than anything.” 

Elide turned her head to the side, not fighting him when Lorcan cupped her face in his hands, making her look at him. “El, call it off. Say you won’t do it.” _Marry me instead_. “Call it off.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, “I can’t do that.” Elide’s eyes filled with tears again, a few slipping down her face. “The lords, they won’t care. They’ll give it to you anyway even if you don’t want it and it makes me sick, thinking of you on my throne.” 

“You don’t have to see it,” he promised, “I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it. Just you, that’s all I want.” Her hands curled into his shirt as Elide looked away. Lorcan leaned down, pressing his lips to her forehead, “Please, sweetheart. Call it off, I’m begging you.” 

For a second, Lorcan thought she would agree. He staggered back when Elide shoved him away, her brow lowered in an effort to stop the hurt, “No, Lorcan. You don’t get to _beg_ , you don’t get to say you want me. You don’t get to decide what makes me happy because you don’t make me happy and you never will.” She was crying silently now, not acknowledging the tears coursing down her cheeks. 

Lorcan barely managed to stop himself from wiping them away. 

“You are the thing I regret most in my life,” Elide whispered, heartbrokenly. “I can’t believe I actually thought I could trust you. So please. You said you were leaving. I want you to go.” 

Lorcan stood up straight, nodding once. He dipped his head, “As you wish.” He allowed himself one last, long look at her ethereal face, burning the image of her tears into his mind. And then, like a boat slipping from its mooring, Lorcan left the room, letting her go. 

He pretended he didn’t hear a sob wrench free as he closed the door, pretending like the sound of Elide collapsing on the floor wasn’t real, even as it ripped his heart to bits. Elide wanted him to let her go. 

And so he would. 

Even if it took him the rest of his life. 

Her knees were cushioned by the skirts as she fell. Elide sobbed, her vision blurred by hot tears. They ran down her face, dotting along the pristine whiteness of her dress. 

As she had asked, Lorcan walked away. His footsteps grew quieter and quieter until they disappeared altogether. 

Elide only cried harder. She could barely manage to breathe. The dress became tighter and tighter, pressing on her ribs. When she tried to rip it, the beading cut into her fingers, and she couldn’t budge it an inch. 

Her throat burned raw with the force of her sadness, with the weight of everything. Sobs tore free, echoing around her. 

The door opened again and Elide looked up in hope, thinking it was Lorcan. 

_“Child, what is this crying? No more tears,”_ the seamstress tutted, bustling in and sitting next to Elide. _“We are witches, my dear. We cannot let them see us cry.”_ She couldn’t voice her thoughts, couldn’t voice how the language of her mother only made her cry harder at the comfort of it all. _“You are missing home, child, I know.”_

 _I don’t miss home,_ Elide wanted to scream. Instead, she let the older woman hug her closely. It was just soothing enough to ease the stabbing agony in her chest. _“I hate him,”_ she sobbed, somehow managing to work the words out over her pain. _“I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.”_

 _“You hate because you love,”_ Cresseida said knowingly. _“They are not so different, are they? You think about them all the time when you hate them and… that hate turns to love sometimes.”_

 _“I didn’t want it to,”_ Elide wept, grasping at the clasps, _“please, take it off of me. Get it off of me, I can’t- take it off.”_

 _“Child, shush, everything will be well,”_ soothed Cresseida, deftly undoing the buttons and side zipper. She helped Elide out of the dress, until she was crying in her corset. She couldn’t stop herself. 

Elide couldn’t stop crying. It splintered through her heart, making her feel like she was breaking from the inside out. _“I can’t breathe,”_ she gasped, desperately trying to force air into her lungs. _“I need air.”_

Cresseida swept away, muttering something as she hit some buttons and spoke harshly into the intercom. Elide couldn’t discern what she was saying and didn’t think to ask, because she couldn’t stop crying. An onslaught of tears, ones she didn’t think she had anymore, spilled down her cheeks. 

Every sob was violent and agonising, torn from her chest. 

He had broken her. She was _broken_. 

_“Lor, hi!”_

Lorcan found it in himself to smile at the sight of his smiling sister’s face. It was slightly grainy and pixelated as the connection solidified. _“Hey, Dee,”_ he said, easily slipping into his native language. _“Where’s Aneha?”_

 _“Oh, she’s in the kitchen.”_ Sadirah turned her face towards her bedroom door and yelled, _“Nay, come say hi to your stupid brother!”_

He frowned, _“That’s not nice–”_

 _“Don’t you mean_ your _stupid brother_ ,” Aneha hollered back as she ran through the hallways. The younger twin jumped on the bed, landing beside Sadirah. _“Hey, Lorcan. How goes Perranth?”_

Lorcan blew out a long breath and flopped back down on the bed, _“You’ll be very happy to know that I’m coming home tomorrow.”_ His sisters both gasped happily, smiling widely. 

_“No way, are you for real right now? Don’t joke about this,”_ Sadirah said, her dark eyes sparkling. 

He smiled, _“I’m not joking. See,”_ Lorcan was reaching over for his boarding pass when Aneha spoke. 

_“But… Fen said you met someone. What happened?”_

_“Fen told you that?”_ His heart clenched and Lorcan swallowed past the lump in his throat. _“It didn’t mean anything. She’s getting married tomorrow so it_ really _means nothing.”_

_“Are you talking about Elide? Lochan? Like, your rival?”_

Lorcan jolted, realising he had said too much. He scrambled to remedy it, _“Ah, nope. It’s- it isn’t her. Someone else.”_

The twins both arched a brow and looked at each other. He really wished he hadn’t taught them to do that. Aneha sighed and flopped down, _“You know, you’re a horrible liar.”_

_“Am not.”_

Sadirah nodded, agreeing with their sister, _“You’re the worst. So, what'd ya do?”_

_“Nothing,”_ he muttered. When they looked at him, like they didn’t believe him, Lorcan sighed, _“Hellas below, it’s nothing. I did nothing. Really.”_ He was a horrible liar. _“It was never going to be anything, anyway. She’s literally marrying Fenrys.”_

Sadirah made a face while Aneha waved her hand dismissively, _“We all know Fen’s in love with Ress. You know what you should do, is–”_

 _“Aneha. Just- stop,”_ Lorcan rubbed his eyes, frowning again. His sisters both went quiet, staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes. He regretted snapping at them immediately, _“I- I’m sorry for snapping, but you two aren’t here. And Fen doesn’t know everything, ok? It’s a nice idea, but that’s all it is. An idea.”_

The two teenagers shared a sheepish look and nodded slightly. Surprisingly, it was Sadirah who rolled away, leaving Aneha - who was usually too much like Lorcan to ever apologise first - to speak. She mumbled, _“Yeah, I guess you’re right or whatever. We’ll see you soon.”_

Lorcan nodded, _“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye, you two.”_

Sadirah popped back in the frame to say bye, the two of them waving, _“Bye! Don’t do anymore dumb shit, ok?”_

He flipped them off and hung up before they could say anything else. Tossing his phone to the side, Lorcan looked up at the ceiling. 

It was futile to pretend like he was anything other than heartbroken. And he supposed it was his own fault, falling for her like that, but what hurt more than was the undeniable knowledge that _he_ had hurt Elide like that. 

And he never wanted to do that. He had never meant to do that.

Though her sobs had subsided, tears still trickled over her nose and onto Bear’s soft fur. _Somebody sedate me,_ Elide thought. So filled with pain and hurt, she didn’t know what to do. 

The bed dipped and the duvet was lifted as Aelin climbed in. She too laid her head on Bear, curled to face Elide, “Hi, baby.” 

Elide closed her eyes, not saying a word. She hadn’t, not since Ress had carried her back to her rooms. Aelin didn’t mind and sat up. She coaxed Bear out of the way, causing Elide to sit up in anger, “Why are you making my dog move?” Her voice was hoarse and raw, both from disuse and crying. 

Aelin tutted her tongue and manoeuvred Elide’s head into her lap, “Your hair is a mess.” Elide rolled her eyes, but stayed put as her cousin began to untangle her hair. “We should watch a movie. What are you in the mood for?” 

“I don’t care,” Elide whispered, closing her eyes again. She wanted something to play, the silence unbearable, but she couldn’t seem to get the words out. 

“Hmmm,” Aelin contemplated. She gently stroked through Elide’s hair, “I say we go for the classic _Lord of the Rings_ marathon.” Knowing Elide would be in agreement, the queen picked up the remote and navigated through Netflix to press play. 

Bear, indignant at Aelin’s moving of her, shoved her way back to them and shot Aelin a baleful look as she stuffed her large body into the space between Aelin’s legs and Elide’s body. She rested her head on Aelin’s legs, nosing at Elide. 

Elide turned her eyes to the screen, blessed with distraction until her bedroom door was flung open. The loud noise had the occupants of the bed startling and glaring with indignation at Fenrys, who was flanked by Rowan. 

Fenrys’ eyes were wild, filled with something Elide couldn’t place, “El?” Both of the men ran cursory glances over her, their jaws clenching along with their fists. The blond was the first to excuse himself, “I’ll be back. Just need to see someone.” 

Elide sat up quickly, half-sobbing, “No, please, don’t, Fen.” He didn’t listen to her, already storming back out. Hastily, Elide got out of bed and chased after him. “Fen, just listen to me, I mean this. I don’t want this.” 

“Stay out of it, Elide,” Fenrys bit out harshly. With his long strides, it didn’t take long for him to greaten the distance between them. Still Elide persisted, ignoring the calls of Aelin and Rowan, along with Bear’s soft barks. 

The run he returned from hadn’t done a thing to clear his mind. It was more like… he’d been running away from his problems, but the minute the door shut behind him, everything came crashing down again. 

Lorcan sighed through his nose, eyes glancing over the depressing room. It had become somewhat of a home, or at least somewhere that was more than a bed and a packed duffle bag. 

His stomach protested for sustenance. Lorcan tossed his sweaty clothes onto the floor and changed. His hands were stuffed in his hoodie pocket as he walked out and turned to go down to the kitchens. 

Two voices carried up from further down the hallway. One was filled with spitfire anger and the other melting into a plea. Lorcan looked around, looking for a place to duck into so whoever it was could have their own conversation. 

Only, the next thing he knew, Lorcan was being pushed into the wall. “Woah, man, what,” he said, his eyes meeting dark ones bright with anger. Shit. “Fen, what the fuck–” 

“What did you do to her?” 

He easily shoved Fenrys away, feeling his own temper rise, “What are you talking about, Fen?” 

“Don’t play dumb,” Fenrys snarled. He lunged, but was stopped by a smaller individual. 

Lorcan froze as he looked at Elide. She was trying her best to tuck away behind Fenrys, but Lorcan shifted to see her. Tear tracks ran down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy, the tip of her nose red too. All the air in his lungs left in a rushed exhale. “Sweetheart—” 

“Fen, let’s go,” she said, promptly dismissing him. Lorcan was still frozen, so out of it that he didn’t defend himself when Fenrys pulled away from Elide and shoved him back into the wall. “Fenrys, stop!” 

“I said stay out of it,” Fenrys snapped, “go back to your room.” Elide crossed her arms and arched a brow. Fenrys didn’t turn around to see if she’d done what he’d told her, already knowing she hadn’t. “You told her to call off the wedding? Really, man?” 

“Fen–” 

“You told her it was about our happiness?” There was hurt in his friend’s eyes, but it was swept away in the storm. Fenrys fisted his hands in Lorcan’s hoodie, pressing him harder against the wall. Lorcan had never seen Fenrys angrier, nor had he heard such disgust in his voice when he spat, “You don’t get to speak on our happiness. You lost that right the moment you stepped foot in this city.” 

“Fenrys, you’re one of my oldest friends, I–” 

Fenrys let out a half-mad laugh, the sound slightly unhinged. “My friend? You consider yourself my friend?” 

Lorcan frowned slightly, dipping his chin in a nod. Again, Elide tried to reason with the man between them, “Fenrys, please. I want to go. Stop this, just let him be.” 

“You are not my friend,” Fenrys said, his voice low. “You are not my family. You are not Elide’s fiancé, _I_ am. _I’m_ the one who she calls when she needs help, not you.” Stepping away, he looked Lorcan up and down with a sickened look. “You always wanted to be better than your father. It’s a shame you turned out this way.” 

The words punched a hole in Lorcan’s chest. Elide hissed Fenrys’ name, grabbing his arm, “Fenrys, stop it.” 

The young lord continued, “It makes me sick, looking at you. I think… I think you’re the person that fucks up people’s lives before they find who they’re meant to be with. I mean, it happened with Ro and I guess it happened with Elide too.” 

“What did you just say,” Lorcan’s words left him in a breathless rush, his chest feeling too tight for his heart. “I fucked up Rowan’s life? That’s what you think?”

Fenrys shrugged and looked down the hall, to where Rowan and Aelin were both standing. Pain and confusion rippled across Rowan’s face. Something too complex clouded Aelin’s and Lorcan looked away. “Yeah. I do. I guess he should be thankful that you turned out this way. Maybe you did him a favour, letting him leave like that.” 

“I wasn’t- I didn’t _let_ him-” Lorcan’s breath caught. His throat ached with tears. “Ro- we didn’t- we were kids, Fen. I didn’t- we didn’t know what we were doing.” He shook his head, not entirely able to fully breathe in. His lungs didn’t seem to be working. Lorcan flicked his eyes to Rowan, unable to read the expression on his face. He couldn’t tell if what Fenrys said was true or not. “We were kids.” 

“Fenrys, that’s enough,” Elide said softly, gripping the back of his shirt and pulling him away. “You’ve said enough.” 

Fenrys took one last look at Lorcan, not an inch of regret or remorse on his stunning face. “I miss that kid, Lorcan. Because I knew him. And I don’t know who you are anymore and that kid?” He waited until Lorcan dragged his increasingly blurring vision to his gaze. “He’d be fucking ashamed of you.” 

Lorcan swallowed, his voice thick with tears, “I know.” 

Something in Fenrys’ face crumpled slightly, something like heartbreak, “I don’t… I don’t know you anymore. Who are you?” 

“I don’t know,” Lorcan whispered, voice hoarse and broken. 

He didn’t know anything anymore.


	15. fourteen

An extravagant spread of breakfast foods took up any viable table space and Elide… her gut churned at the thought of eating. 

To appease Aelin and Rowan’s not-so-subtle glances between her and the food, Elide filled her plate up. She sat down next to Fenrys, the both of them a united front as always, but today it meant more. 

On their wedding day.

Aelin made meaningless chatter to lessen the thick fog of tension covering them. Since the night before… no one had looked the same. 

Guilt and remorse seemed to bleed out of Fenrys’ every pore. He barely spoke, offering monosyllabic grunts as answers. Though his regret was tangible, Elide knew he would never apologise for anything he’d said. He didn’t think he was wrong, even if it hurt Lorcan, but he’d still hurt Rowan. 

And Rowan… he hadn’t said a single word to Fenrys. When he’d come into the dining room, gone was his polished, king consort aire of being. He’d looked ragged and hollow as he robotically filled his cup with coffee. Elide made a note to ask him about his relationship with Lorcan. Fenrys couldn’t have been right. 

After a while, the door opened once more and Ress slipped inside. His cheeks turned pink as all eyes, except for Fenrys’, turned to him. “Hi.” 

They mumbled greetings and went back to their own little worlds. Elide studied Ress as he walked down the length of the table and sat in the chair across from Fenrys. Interesting. She watched carefully as Fenrys lifted his head, something in his shoulders relaxing, “Oh, hello.” 

Elide lifted her head at that, catching Rowan’s surprised look. They both raised their brows and titled their heads to the side, as if to say  _ did you see that? _

Neither Ress nor Fen said another word, but they exchanged what they no doubt thought were secretive smitten glances. 

Her chest felt a little too tight for her heart then and Elide had a difficult time breathing. She pulled out her phone, feigning a message from Lysandra to let her leave. “Oh, um, my hair thing’s in five minutes, I’ve got to go.” 

Aelin glanced up quizzically, squinting between Elide and the clock, “It’s only nine. I thought it was scheduled at–” 

“Guess it changed,” Elide said, shrugging her shoulder up. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Oh, well,” Aelin stood, looking earnestly, “do you want some company? I’m sure the boys can entertain themselves.” 

“No, please. Have-” her voice caught and Elide cleared her throat, “have a nice breakfast with them.” Without another word of elaboration, Elide saw herself out. 

Sitting with both of the couples, no matter how heart-wrenching it was to see how in love Ress and Fenrys were, just reminded Elide of everything she was once foolish enough to hope she could have with Lorcan. 

Elide slipped out into the gardens. There were people there, of course, getting it all ready for the reception. Somehow they were all too caught up in their duties and Elide was spared from any scrutiny. She picked her way across the grounds and the courtyard and avoided the fountains like the plague. 

She hadn’t been to visit in a while. Too long. Every step down the worn path became harder, but Elide forced herself along. 

The trail winded around forest glens and over hills, eventually coming onto a large, lush field. It used to be maintained regularly, but Elide had asked that they not. 

Marion and Cal would prefer the wild grass anyway. 

The slithering greens were taller than her waist and as she walked, Elide reached her hand out to feel the strands against her fingers. 

At the top of the largest nook, overlooking the fields, sat two stones. Originally, it had been one stone that had been cracked in half. Somehow, even with exposure to the elements and erosion, they would still fit together, almost perfectly. 

Letters are carved into the rough surface and she traced them as she kneeled, resting her weight on her heels.  _ “Hi, mama,” _ she whispered, speaking in her mother’s native tongue. Elide danced her fingers over to the other half, tears welling in her eyes already.  _ “Hi, dad.”  _ A tear slipped down her cheek.  _ “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you in a while. Too long, I know.” _

Elide dropped her hands onto her thighs, shrugging a shoulder up,  _ “I’ve been very busy, but I’m sure you’ve seen. You always planned to haunt the castle.” _ She blew out a trembling breath, her bottom lip wobbling.  _ “I wish you hadn’t left me. And I wish I didn’t feel so lost.” _

She hadn’t meant to cry. Truly. But it was if yet another key was turned inside her and Elide gently wept, her salty tears dotting the patch of packed dirt.  _ “I don’t deserve a love like this. I deserve something true,” _ Elide whispered.  _ “You would like him, though.” _ She sniffled, wiping her nose.  _ “Fenrys. He’s… he’s perfection. We’re very different but-” _ a sob interrupted her words. It hurt, it hurt so much,  _ “but he’s my best friend.” _

And that was the problem, of course. He was her best friend, not her best love. To be fair, Elide wasn’t his either and her heart broke just a little bit more. 

But Lorcan. He wasn’t her best friend and-  _ “I can’t trust him.”  _ Elide shook her head, pushing away the pain at the image of his hurt face.  _ “I won’t trust him again and I don’t want to love someone I can’t trust.” _

She wasn’t strong enough to do it anymore. 

Elide leaned forward, pressing her hands and her brow against her parents’ gravestones.  _ “Send me a sign, please.”  _ She shook her head, swallowing back tears,  _ “Anything. Tell me I’m doing the right thing.” _

Around her, the grass started whispering. The wind ruffled the ends of her long hair. When she lifted her head, it dried the tears on her face and filled her lungs with cool, fresh air. Elide gasped softly, a soft smile pulling at her lips. She closed her eyes, breathing it in slowly. 

Elide held the air in her lungs until it burned and breathed out. When she opened her eyes once again, a small flurry of leaves and grasses were whipped into a mini tornado. Bright, unbidden light filled her and Elide laughed, remembering how when she was a wee one, her father would tell her the wind was dancing and they would dance too. 

For a while, she sat. She didn’t move and hardly thought. It had been many years since she had just  _ been.  _ Somewhere caught in the middle, not at peace, and not at war. She simply existed. 

Then, when the wind stopped, Elide opened her eyes. She leaned forward, kissing both of the headstones over the Lochan family crest - a raven, wings spread and head turned so that its sharp beak was visible. A circle of whorls and intricate braiding surrounded it. 

_ “I hope you’re proud of me. And- and I miss you,”  _ Elide whispered.  _ “I would do anything to have you here with me.”  _ With a steadying breath, she said,  _ “I love you. And I’ll visit soon. Pinky promise.”  _

The loud and heavy music didn’t drown out Lorcan’s thoughts, but it distracted him. 

He stared at the wall of his aunt’s living room. Until he had to leave for the airport, Lorcan was staying at her apartment to keep a low profile.

His phone had been blowing up all night, most from reporters he didn’t know asking for a comment. The only one he  _ did _ respond to was Rowan’s. 

_ RW: im sorry abt what fen said _

_ RW: it wasn’t true  _

_ RW: he didn’t mean it _

_ LS: it’s fine. i know.  _

_ LS: hope the wedding goes well.  _

_ RW: me too _

Lorcan sighed deeply. He had six more hours. 

He could make it six hours. 

It looked like something had exploded in Elide’s rooms. People scurried around her, fixing her hair, her makeup, her nails, and her dress. 

All she had to do was listen to them and do as they said, which was easy enough. It was nice, not having to think. Aelin swept through on occasion to bring Elide water or a snack. She always left after a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. 

Elide, for once, let her fuss without complaint. 

There was no going back now. She couldn’t back out, she wouldn’t let  _ him _ take what was hers. So she would marry Fenrys. Her life would be filled with laughter and inside jokes, sneaking glances that threatened to send her into a giggling fit when someone was being ridiculous, and love. 

There would be love in her life, but not the kind she strived for. Not the kind that had kept her up the night before, heart aching as Fenrys slept beside her. And maybe, maybe that was as good as it would get. Elide could settle. They could both do it. She thought about being Fenrys and having to see the man he loved put himself between them and danger, day in, day out. 

It wasn’t hard to conceive that she had the easier side of things. 

The door opened and in walked Ress. His face was tight and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Elide flashed him a small grin, knowing his sacrifice was her victory. “Hello, Ress.” 

“Milady,” he said, bowing at the waist in jest. Elide chuckled as he straightened again and his shoulders were looser. “I’m here to escort thee to your carriage.” The young man held out his elbow and Elide stepped over to her. 

“Oh, my dress,” she said, turning back for the garment bag. “I have to–” 

“It’s already at the temple, Elide. Lysandra sent it over, with your shoes and-” he choked slightly, swallowing once before he went on, “and your veil.” 

Elide nodded, but didn’t say a word. There was no need to shove it in his face, even though that was the last thing Elide would ever do. 

Ress led her out into the halls and it was eerily quiet. She supposed, with the wedding in an hour, people would be making their way to the temple. They walked at a brisk pace to the garage, where a fleet of sleek, black SUVs were awaiting. Elide was ushered into the backseat of Ress’ car and she didn’t make a move. 

She put on her seatbelt and folded her hands in her lap. The partition was up, but she left it be. There was no need for her to be privy to Ress’ heartache, nor him hers. After a few moments, the driver’s door opened and shut resoundingly. Ress turned on the radio and through the speakers poured one of Elide’s playlists. 

Soon enough, the car started to move and as they drove, Elide distracted herself by trying to guess which song would come on next. 

After the winding driveway to the palace, they flew down the straight highway, royal flags fluttering in the wind. Two cars were ahead, and two flanked them. 

Before she knew it, they were parking and Ress was hopping out to take her inside. He walked her to the dressing room and kissed her cheek, “Good luck, El. I’ll see you after.” 

“Yeah,” she whispered, her voice unsteady. “See you later.” Quickly, so he wouldn’t see the tears building in her eyes, Elide slipped into the room. 

Lysandra and Aelin were already there, waiting for her. They stood when she entered, smiling at her. “Hello, hello,” Aelin chirped, fixing some aspect of Elide’s hair. “How was the drive?” 

“Oh,” Elide breathed out, her breath wavering. “It was fine, you know. Nothing remarkable.” She accepted the tissue Lysandra passed her way and used it to carefully dab her eyes. “How many minutes do I have?” 

The queen’s face fell slightly as she winced. “None. We’re on schedule, so… you have to put the dress on now.” 

Elide nodded, offering a smile she hoped would soothe their worries. 

It did not. 

“That’s ok. I’m ready.” 

“Are you sure, Elide,” Lysandra asked softly. “We can take a few minutes, just to sit.” 

Sitting still was the last thing Elide wanted to do now as she looked at the dress where it hung from the mirror frame. “I don’t want to sit,” she said, her voice firm. “I’m getting married, and I would like to put on the dress. Now, please.”  _ Please, don’t make me wait. Don’t make me sit in my misery any longer. Let me get this over with. Let me move on with my life, please _ . 

“Of course. Do you want me to help, or–” 

“No. I can- no. Please.” Elide looked straight ahead, blocking out the hurt that rippled across Aelin’s face. She would apologise later, after this whole shitstorm of a day was over and she could breathe again. “Just Lys, please.”

Aelin seemed to understand as she squared her shoulders and nodded again. “That’s fine. I’ll go check on the boys, see if they’re doing well.” She still cupped Elide’s face and kissed her brow, “Call me if you need  _ anything _ .” 

There was more Aelin wasn’t saying and Elide could tell, but she chose to ignore it. Her cousin was a wildfire and could make anything bend to her will, but not this. “I will, Ae,” she whispered, smiling once as Aelin kissed both of her cheeks. “Go. The boys probably need help.” 

Aelin laughed and nodded, “You’re probably right. Well. I’ll see you up there. Bye-bye, darlings!” She swept outside, the door closing with a quiet  _ click _ behind her. 

Lysandra dusted her hands off as she stepped up to Elide, “Shall we?” 

Elide nodded and slowly undressed, putting her comfy leggings and her dad’s hoodie to the side. Lysandra neatly folded them with care as Elide took the underclothes and changed in the curtained off area. 

She didn’t dare look at herself as Lysandra got the gown ready and helped Elide step into the skirts. Lysandra’s hands were steady and soothing. She zipped the invisible zipper up and hooked the hook-and-eye clasp before tightening the silk ribbon stays. “Is that alright, Elide?” 

“Yes,” Elide said, hardly letting her voice go above a whisper. “It’s fine.” 

Lysandra gently tucked a strand of Elide’s hair behind her ear, her green eyes soft. “Ok. That’s good. Do you think-” Lysandra was cut off by someone knocking on the door. 

Immediately, the sound had images of Lorcan begging her to call off the wedding flashing across her mind, his eyes open. His lips on her skin, those heartbreaking words whispered against her brow. She breathed in slowly and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. 

When she next opened her eyes, it wasn’t Lorcan standing before her, but Rowan. His face was soft too, and apprehensive. “Hey, Ellie. You need any help?” 

“Just with her veil,” Lysandra supplied as she collected her things. “I’ll leave you two to it. There’s fifteen minutes until you’ll need to be at the entrance, alright?” 

They both nodded their assent and Lysandra left the room. 

“Pretty dress,” Rowan commented, wicked delight shining in his pine eyes. Elide scowled up at him and viciously poked his side. It was a special skill of hers, to  _ always _ find the soft spot between his ribcage and hip bone. Rowan groaned and swore, “Gods, that fucking  _ hurts _ , Elide.” 

“Yeah, well,” she fluffed her skirts, “I look like a cupcake and you know it.” 

This time, he kept his laughter to himself and picked up a box. He shook it, putting it down when Elide hissed at him to stop. Rowan carefully lifted the lid and put it to the side. He lifted out the veil, his brows raised. “It’s… fluffy.” 

That made Elide snort softly. The sound of her laughter made Rowan smile. Elide stood still as Rowan moved behind her. She watched him in the mirror, his face set in serious concentration as he slid the comb into Elide’s bun. He made sure it was secure before attempting his best at spreading it out. 

“How did I do?” 

“Beautifully,” she said, smiling again when he kissed the top of her head. Rowan stepped back to sit down on the armchair and casually checked his watch. 

“Well, would you look at that,” he looked up at her, gesturing for her to sit. Elide didn’t bother moving to a chair and lifted her skirts to sit on the floor. “We’re ten minutes early.” 

“Wow, look at us,” Elide commented drily. “Lysandra would be proud of our productivity.” 

Rowan nodded and unbuttoned his suit jacket to get more comfortable, “She really would.” He tipped his head back against the chair and his face… changed. As he relaxed, as he let go, his face became younger. 

Now, that he wasn’t hiding behind his royal smile, sadness made the corners of his lips turn down. Elide looked away, not wanting to witness his hurt as well. Rowan had always been the strong presence in her life. Though she’d only known him for eight or so years, she had a hard time remembering her life without him. Seeing him break was too much for her and yet, she wanted to know more. 

Later, she would realise she was trying to figure out why she had found herself falling for Lorcan, but now, it was a sense of innate curiosity she couldn’t quell. 

“Ro…” she started, nervously picking at the beading on her skirts. 

“Yes?” 

Before her confidence left her, Elide asked, “Is it true? What Fenrys said. About… him.” For a while, Rowan didn’t answer and Elide looked up to find him looking thoughtfully at the window. “Rowan?” 

He seemed to be shaken from a stupor, like he had forgotten Elide was even there. “No. Fen… it wasn’t all true. Wasn’t all wrong either.” Familiar fondness settled over Rowan’s face, though there was no longing. She suspected neither of the men longed or ached for each other any longer. She would have to ask Rowan how that worked, exactly. How he had stopped yearning for Lorcan, stopped loving him like that. “We were kids. I think… we both knew it wasn’t forever, but it felt like love and we had no urge to rush through it. 

“Lorcan… he’s always had big dreams. He’s always been a very angry person, you know. He keeps it inside and I think that when we- when  _ I _ left, like Fenrys said, I thought he had ruined my entire life.” Rowan smiled then, his eyes swirling with emotions. “And then I met Aelin.” 

“So it- it wasn’t love, you don’t think?” 

Rowan contemplated his answer, nothing bitter or malicious in his voice. “No, I think it was. But we were kids. We never would’ve worked out. It wasn’t Lorcan’s fault, if that’s what you’re asking. He just… we both needed something else than what the other could give.” His face fell for a second and he looked down at his fingernails, “He’s never been good with emotions. After we broke up, I was a mess, and Lorcan didn’t show how it affected him.” 

“So Fen thinks that Lorcan never cared for you like you did him?” 

“No, Fenrys knows. He knows how Lorcan felt, but Fen… he’s rash. And angry. Lorcan making this decision, leaving his job… it hurt Fenrys. And he wanted to hurt Lorcan.”  _ So he did _ . 

Elide didn’t look up as she asked, “Do you think he’ll regret it? Saying those things?” 

“I think he already has.” She didn’t know what to say to that, so Elide didn’t say a word. “You have another question.” 

“What,” Elide lifted her head, shooting him an accusatory look, “how did you know?” 

Rowan laughed, his shoulders shaking, “You get this look on your face. Me and Ae talk about it all the time.” She muttered a few choice words and sulked. The king consort stretched his leg out and nudged her with the tip of his shoe, “C’mon. Out with it, Ellie-Boo.” 

“Stop poking me with your foot, you’ll get my dress dirty.” Rowan stared at her, unimpressed. Elide held his gaze until she cracked, seconds later, with a large sigh and a dramatic rolling of her eyes. “Fine, you mother-hen. Yes, you’re right, I have a question.” 

He crossed his arms over his chest, glancing once more at his watch. Five minutes. “Don’t hold me in suspense.” 

Elide decidedly avoided his eyes and her voice was so quiet, he almost missed it. “Was he telling the truth?” 

“Fenrys? No, not–” 

“Not Fen, Ro,” she said softly. “Lorcan. Was he telling the truth about the paparazzi?” 

Rowan’s brows raised. He leaned forward, his elbows braced against his thighs. “Do you think he was lying?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you  _ want _ him to be lying, Elide?” 

She didn’t say a word, but he didn’t miss the subtle shaking of her head. 

“Then I think you have your answer,” Rowan answered. He stood up, “Now, the rest of this will have to wait. We have a wedding to start.” Elide sighed and gladly accepted the helping hand he offered to stabilise herself as she stood. She slipped her hand through his elbow and rested her head against his bicep. “Are you ready?” 

“No. I’m not. But I can do this,” Elide said. 

Rowan nodded, wisely not arguing with her, and he escorted her from the dressing room to the temple doors. Her gown and veil hissed over the polished marble as they walked at a leisurely pace. Lysandra was waiting for them at the end of the hall and she smiled, hiding the sorrow in her eyes. 

As they reached the doors, Lysandra slipped off, speaking quietly into her headset. 

“Ro, I want a real answer,” Elide said, not ready to take no for an answer. “I deserve a real answer. Was he telling me the truth?” Her voice broke on the last word. 

Rowan studied her for a moment, his eyes tracking over her face. “Lorcan would do a lot of things, but not this.” He tweaked something about her veil, his smile sad, “Not to you.” 

“Lorcan, the car is almost here,” Maeve’s voice was cold and sharp as it cut through the silence of the chilly apartment. “Are you ready?” 

“For what?” 

She sighed heavily from a room he couldn’t see, “The  _ wedding _ , you imbecile.” 

Lorcan rubbed his temple, already feeling a migraine pulse against his skull, “I’m not going, are you serious? That’s the last thing either of them want.” Sharp clicks of his aunt’s heels rang around the rooms as she strutted into the living room. 

“That’s a shame. Are you sure?” Maeve tilted her head in false concern. The colour of her lips - blood red - cut like a warning across her pale face. 

“Yes,” he bit out harshly. “My flight is soon anyway. I’ll get a cab to the airport.” 

Gleeful delight and sick triumph shined in Maeve’s dark eyes. Lorcan narrowed his gaze suspiciously as she shrugged a thin shoulder up, “Oh, well. It was nice to see you, nephew.” He held back his derisive chuckle at her blatant lie and watched her carefully as she grabbed her coat and clutch. With a manicured hand on the doorknob, Maeve tossed her sleek locks over her shoulder, “I’ll see you next time, Lorcan. Take care.” 

And then she was gone. Lorcan shook his head and stood up to pad into the kitchen. Maeve’s laptop was open on the counter beside the sink as he grabbed a glass and filled it with cool water. 

Feeling like snooping, Lorcan tapped the space bar and saw the screen light up. He didn’t even need to guess at her password. Her messages were open to an exchange between her and Vernon Lochan. Lorcan almost gagged when he saw the red heart next to Vernon’s contact.

Lorcan leaned back against the counter and sipped his water. It seemed as though they were still having their conversation, as messages started popping up. 

_ Vernon❤: And you’re sure he isn’t coming? _

_ MN: No, he’s sulking on my couch.  _

_ MN: Probably moping after your little niece.  _

_ Vernon❤: It’s for the best. I know Elide, she won’t go through with this.  _

_ MN: You know this?  _

_ Vernon❤: Don’t fret, my love.  _

_ Vernon❤: Soon, it will all be ours.  _

Lorcan swore and the glass slipped from his hand, shattering on the hardwood floor of Maeve’s kitchen. He should’ve known. He should’ve warned someone. 

He paid little mind to the glass, only stepping over it carefully before he was running to where his phone was charging.

It was dead, but Lorcan had to stop his aunt. He had to do  _ something. _

As he shoved his sneakers on, Lorcan reasoned that the temple wasn’t too far and he could run the distance. 

Lorcan tore out of the apartment and sprinted down the stairs, going down and down and down until he got to the lobby floor. 

All he could do was run, and pray to any god that would listen that he wasn’t too late. 

He couldn’t-  _ wouldn’t _ fail Elide. 

Not again. 

Elide focused on her steps. She was forcing herself to take one after the other, very well aware she looked like a woman being led to the gallows. 

The music - Fenrys had picked it out. He had kept it a secret, but insisted she would love it. 

And she did. Elide just wished, as she looked up and saw Fenrys, that it wasn’t him she was walking to. 

Her nails creased Rowan’s pressed suit in her sharp grip. Rowan took it in stride, even flashing a smile to the photographers and guests. 

But as Elide passed the pews, she felt herself slowing, slowing, slowing, until she wasn’t walking anymore. She stared at Fenrys, her eyes wide and mouth open. Rowan leaned down, “Ellie-Boo, we aren’t there yet. It’s just a few more steps.” He tried to guide her, lead her those last few metres, but Elide dug her heels into the carpeted walk and shook her head. 

She let go of Rowan’s arm and let her bouquet drop as she stepped backwards, “I just-” Elide looked around her, desperately shaking her head, “I just need a minute, please.” Rowan took one step towards her, but Elide was already gathering her expansive skirts in her arms and dashing back up the aisle. 

Tears streamed from her eyes as she ignored the calls of her names and the looks cast upon her. Elide ran through the halls to the nearest doors. 

When she pushed out of them, a cry went through the crowd that had gathered, shouts of her name. She looked around her and ran to the half-hidden balcony off to the side. 

Then, when she was truly alone and hidden from the world, Elide knelt on the floor. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to control her breathing. “You can do this,” she whispered to herself, “it’s ok. You can do this. I can do this. It’ll be over-” a broken sound ripped from her, “it’ll be over so soon.” 

No matter how slowly she breathed, her panic attack couldn’t be stopped. Her vision narrowed and dread, unavoidable dread, twisted her stomach. 

She felt like she was going to throw up. 

Her mind was a dark storm, her thoughts wild and uncontrollable. Nothing- she could articulate nothing and hyperventilated, trying to get the oxygen she so desperately needed. She just wanted it to stop. 

She needed it to stop or her heart would explode. Every beat, Elide felt in her throat. Her heart was practically slamming itself against her ribcage, raging to be freed. 

Someone touched her shoulder and Elide flinched as if she had been burned, quickly turning to see her cousin, with Rowan standing close by. “Ae, I’m so sorry, I can–” 

“No, you’re not doing this.” 

“No, Aelin, please, I can marry him, I can do this. Let me do this.” 

Aelin’s eyes were set, and there was no use in arguing once she had made her mind up. “Elide. We are not doing this. Enough is enough, my love,” she softened, gently pulling Elide up and hugging her closely. “I’ve failed you, by letting this happen. I am the queen of Terrasen and I outrank every one of those horrid lordlings. We’re stopping this.” 

Elide pulled back, her vision blurred by tears, “But, they won’t let it happen–” 

“You’ll propose a motion. You’ve done it before, Elide. We will challenge the law.” 

“Parliament isn’t gathered and- and–” 

Aelin shook her head and wiped Elide’s tears away with such care it tugged at Elide’s heart, “They’re all here, though. We don’t need to be in some room to decide when parliament gathers. You can do this, Elide. Remember, you are a Lochan, a Blackbeak,  _ and _ a Galathynius. You hold more power than any member could ever conceive of having. You are your mother’s daughter and my baby sister. If anyone,” Aelin cupped Elide’s face and pressed their brows together, “if  _ anyone _ can change their minds, it’s you, my sweet.” 

Elide finally smiled, giggling tearfully, “Ok. You’ll stand with me?” 

“I am always with you,” Aelin promised. She took Elie's hand and they turned to face Rowan, who bit back his smile. 

“Well?” 

They both looked at Elide, who nodded, “I can do this. I’m ready. Enough is enough, right?” 

Both Aelin and Rowan nodded, confirming Elide’s statement. With a confident smile, after she wiped her face with the handkerchief Rowan handily had in his pocket, Elide set off back into the temple. 

Fenrys was waiting by the doors, his face a mixture of hope and concern. “Ellie, what’s happening? Are you ok?” 

She dropped Aelin’s hand in favour of gripping Fenrys’, “I’m perfectly fine. Better than I’ve been in months, in fact.” Elide gently worked off the ring Fenrys had given her. She held it up to him. 

“Are you… leaving me at the altar, Elide Lochan?” His fingers closed around the piece of jewellery and gratitude was obvious in his eyes. 

“I am indeed,” she confirmed, reaching up to pat his cheek. “We both deserve our own love stories, don’t you think?” 

He bent, pressing his lips to her cheek, “We do. More than anything. Good luck up there.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered back. “Thank you for everything, Fen. I–” 

“Stop being mushy and go,” Fenrys said, pushing her to the doors. “We have all the time to talk later, honeybunch.” 

“I love you, sweety-pie,” Elide said, her hand on the door. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Fenrys sniffed, stretching his arm to drape it across Aelin’s shoulders. “All the ladies do.” 

Elide rolled her eyes. She turned to the door, feeling the weight of her parents’ gazes and her family’s. With a calming breath, Elide rolled her shoulders and straightened spine. She pushed the door open once more and began her walk down the aisle. 

Whispers followed her and both her uncle and Maeve sneered down their noses at her as she passed them. Elide paid them no heed as she walked up the steps to the altar and turned to the priestess’ podium. 

“Welcome. Thank you all for joining me here today,” Elide said, her eyes sweeping across the audience. “A few minutes ago, it came to me that the only reason Lord Marama and I were marrying was because of a law made centuries ago. 

“That law was hidden from me my entire life, as was the founding story of our city and province.” She paused, specifically staring at the members of parliament one by one. “It is true that I am a woman. This does not make me any less capable of ruling nor does it make me inferior to any other heir provided.” 

Elide lifted her chin, the wooden grain of the podium beneath her hands grounding her. In the back, Aelin watched on proudly, tears shining in her arresting eyes. “As Terrasen’s second largest province and a hub of travel, culture, and education in Erilea, we pride ourselves on our innovation and modernanistic way of life and yet, eighty-seven men got to say whether I was to be wed. They would have and almost forced me into an arranged marriage, with no thought to my life and my wishes, without a second thought.” 

Her uncle scowled at her and Elide stared coolly down at him, “How can you sit in your seats and pride yourselves on progress, while refusing to renounce a sexist law?” His face became mottled with rage. 

She shifted her gaze to Maeve, who wore an adder’s smile. “I stand before you today, ready to take my rightful place as your duchess, without a husband. I ask the members of parliament to think of your own families. To think of your daughters, your sisters… would you force them to do the same?” 

For a moment, it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Elide’s throat closed and she saw it, saw the title being ripped away from her. But then, someone began to clap. And others joined them. They cheered her name, waving their fists in support. 

Elide smiled, looking back to see Rowan wiping his eyes as he grinned. 

“Why is it,” drawled a raised voice. The noise quieted and Elide saw Maeve standing up, her back turned to Elide as she addressed the people before her. “Why is it that we are entertaining this ludicrous idea? This young lady, while charming and lovely, shows a contempt for our traditions and contempt for our customs. I mean,” Maeve laughed, the sound hollow and cold, “I wouldn’t trust such a person to govern our province. The law clearly states an unmarried woman cannot rule.”

Elide’s blood ran cold and then Maeve turned, her lips curled into a smirk. “Fortunately, there is another heir.” 

“No, there isn't.” 

The crowd gasped. Elide gripped the pulpit hard enough that her nails left crescent marks in the worn wood. Her knees threatened to buckle as she looked to the side and saw Lorcan standing there. 

His cheeks were flushed and his hair in disarray, as if he had sprinted through the streets. He flicked his eyes to his aunt, his jaw clenching once, “I decline. I refuse the title.” Lorcan turned to speak to the people gathered, “People of Perranth, it is Elide that should have the throne. She is the most intelligent, charming, and caring individual I have ever met, but more importantly, Elide has a vision for our province. One that will take us to our former glory.” 

“Lorcan–”

“I am not finished,  _ auntie _ ,” he said, looking blankly at Maeve. “If the parliament had their wits about them, they would listen to Elide. They would name her duchess. Listen to her. She will take you further than I ever could. And besides,” Lorcan finally looked back up at Elide, “just think how lovely she’ll look sitting up on her throne.” 

Laughter ran through the pews and Elide blushed, rolling her eyes at Lorcan’s triumphant smirk. A commotion broke out along a bench. They all looked to see Vernon quickly approaching the altar, his destination clear. Before he could reach Elide, Lorcan stepped between them and blocked Vernon’s path. “You’ve come far enough.” 

“I’ve come far enough, have I,  _ boy _ ?” 

Lorcan crossed his thick arms across his sculpted chest, knowing his biceps were bulging against the short sleeves of his black t-shirt. “Yes. You have. You will not be speaking with Elide.” 

In Vernon’s rage, he was so far gone he wasn’t the least bit intimidated by Lorcan. That was his second mistake. The man glared up at Lorcan, wearing an expression that incurred nightmares for Elide. “You have a duty to this city. You have a duty to your father and your family, to take up his quest. My handicapped niece is not fit–” 

Lorcan moved too quickly for anyone to know what was happening. There was a sickening  _ crunch _ of bone and Vernon cried out in pain, the force of Lorcan’s blow causing his head to snap to the side. 

Blood dripped down Vernon’s chin and Lorcan’s knuckles were red with it.

Before Vernon could hit the ground, Lorcan caught him and leaned close. His voice was too low to be heard as shouts echoed throughout the temple and guards tensed, but Elide saw her uncle’s face pale. 

Lorcan stepped back abruptly as the security detail swarmed in. He sniffed, holding his hands up while Vernon tumbled back and fell. “I’m fine,” he said shortly, ire rolling off him in waves. “I’m fine.” 

Someone called for order, loudly, and the hysteria died down. Everyone took their seats again and Lord Darrow, one of the oldest members of parliament, stood. He was well regarded as a fair man, who stood for what is right. “I would like to propose a motion.” He looked around him, “I move to abolish the marriage law as it applies to present and future duchesses of Perranth. Will anyone second my motion?” 

Elide hardly dared to breathe. Her chest ached for her to go to Lorcan, to check his hand, as she caught the way he flexed his fingers, but her mind screamed at her to stay put. Nobody said a word. 

And then, “I second the motion.” 

“I second the motion.” 

“I second the motion.” 

“I second–” 

“Members of parliament, please,” Darrow interjected. “All those in favour of abolishing the marriage law, say aye.” 

Countless ‘ayes’ were heard from across the room. There was not a single ‘nay’ and Darrow clacked his cane against the stone floor, “The ‘ayes’ have it. Congratulations, milady.” 

As cheers were heard anew, Elide laughed in incredulity, not sure if she had heard him quite correctly. There was a flurry of motion as people approached her to wish her well. 

Elide couldn’t escape it, no matter how many times she said she needed to find Lorcan. 

By the time Ress and Rowan finally managed to pull her to the side for privacy, Lorcan was long gone and no one had seen a trace of him. He had simply… vanished. 

“I’m so sorry, El,” Fenrys said, his breath uneven. “I tried to run after him, but he was gone after I got out of the temple.” 

Elide offered them all a shaking grin and waved her hand dismissively, “O-oh, that’s fine. I just want to get out of this gods-damned  _ dress _ .”

They all nodded and helped her back to the dressing room. Elide had never undressed so quickly. She left the garments on the ground, in a careless heap. Maybe Aelin would let her burn it all in a pit. 

Elide pulled on her stretchy leggings and the soft, worn crewneck sweater that she had found years ago, tucked away in a trunk of her parents’ belongings. The sleeves fell down past her fingertips and Elide spared a moment or two to roll the cuffs back to her wrists. 

She sat down at the vanity and noticed a folded piece of paper. 

Elide picked it up and unfolded it, curiosity sparking in her chest. She smoothed the crease out and read the short sentences, the script messy as if the author had been in a rush. 

_ Sweetheart,  _ _   
_ _ I’m sorry I punched your uncle. I know you wanted to do it yourself. _ _   
_ _ I’m sorry for a lot of things. _ _   
_ __ –L.

Her throat closed and Elide traced a shaking finger over the dried ink, feeling the grooves of the letters. Soft tears dropped onto the note, plinking audibly against the crisp paper. Behind her, the door opened and familiar footsteps padded across the room. 

“El?” Aelin sat down on the vanity bench beside her. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” 

Elide gestured with the note uselessly. She leaned into Aelin, resting her head on Aelin’s shoulder, “This is stupid. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I got what I wanted, didn’t I?” 

Aelin simply stroked her hand up and down Elide’s spine. She rested her chin on the top of Elide’s head, “Are you sure, honey?” 

“No,” Elide confessed, screwing her eyes shut, “I’m not sure of anything anymore.” 

“He’ll be back,” Aelin said assuredly. “That boy can’t keep away from you. He’ll be back.” 

Elide wasn’t so sure that he would. 

Lorcan flipped up his hood as he walked off the plane. 

Even in midsummer, the Northern Isles of Doranelle were bitingly cold. The chill was a shock to his system, as he hadn’t visited home in a while. It had been far too long. 

The journey from Perranth to his hometown was a long one. It had taken ten hours - a flight to Varese, another flight to the City of Rivers, and finally a small passenger plane to  Otȟúŋwahe. Ten hours, each minute taking him further away from Elide. Ten hours, and he was wrecked. His heart felt like it was bleeding in his chest and robotically, he forced himself to take step after step across the tarmac.

Inside the small, regional airport, Lorcan nodded a greeting to members of the tribe who recognised him and lifted their hands to catch his attention. With his duffel slung over his shoulder and his hands shoved in his pockets, it was obvious he didn’t want to talk and they all stayed away. 

His knuckles had stopped bleeding, but were still slightly swollen and hurt any time he moved his fingers. He didn’t regret it. He would punch Vernon Lochan again and again until he could feel a  _ gram _ of the pain he had put Elide through.

When he shouldered through the door, he looked up and saw his mother leaned against the front bumper of the old red truck. 

Odette Salvaterre hadn’t changed a single bit. Her chin was still raised in a challenge, her jaw sharp and cheekbones carved, her nose straight like his. Like her son, Odette wore her hair long, but it was free and whipping around her with the wind. Grey had begun to streak through the deep black and the lines around her hooded eyes had deepened. 

Her dark eyes met his and the serene expression on her face morphed into motherly fondness. Despite his aching heart, despite everything, Lorcan smiled at her and dropped his bag at her feet. “Hi, Ma.” 

She laughed gently and cupped his face,  _ “You’re away for so long, you forget our language?” _ Odette pulled Lorcan into her arms, a hand holding the back of his head and stroking his hair in a way only his mother could.  _ “My ungrateful son, hmm.”  _

Lorcan buried his face in her shoulder and shook his head,  _ “I shouldn’t have gone. It was a mistake.” _

_ “Nonsense,” _ Odette said. Lorcan drew back and she cupped his face again.  _ “Lorcan, you did what you thought was right, yes? And we don’t have to think about it right now.” _

Lorcan nodded, feeling a little bit less helpless,  _ “I missed you. I missed home.” _ His throat closed as he remembered stupidly thinking Elide could be his home. How foolish he had been then. And how foolish he was still now, as if Elide would pay him a second thought now that he was finally gone.

Odette smiled gently and tilted his head down to kiss his forehead,  _ “I know, baby. Let’s go home, huh?” _ Lorcan nodded and they stepped apart. He grabbed his bag and walked around the back of the truck to toss it in the bed. 

His mother climbed into the driver’s seat, the vehicle shaking as she slammed the door shut. Lorcan stalked to the passenger side and swung himself in. No matter what, Odette always drove. It was an unspoken rule none of her children dared to dispute. 

_ “Oh, your grandmother has been cooking all day,” _ Odette said as the engine rumbled to life.  _ “She even went berry picking this morning.” _

_ “She wasn’t alone, was she?” _ Their territories spanned a wild and vast area. It was beautiful, but untamed. Bison and bears roamed free, as well as coyote and cougars. 

Odette scoffed and rolled her eyes, her tone dry,  _ “No, of course not. She had Shunka.” _

Shunka was his grandmother’s dog, an old black Lab who couldn’t hurt a fly. In short, she was useless as anything other than a companion. Certainly not able to protect the elderly woman from any predator. 

Lorcan laughed softly and Odette smiled, reaching over to take his hand. He hissed when she gripped his hand,  _ “Ow.” _

His mother inhaled sharply in worry, pulling his hand up for her to see,  _ “Baby, what did you do?” _

_ “He deserved it,” _ Lorcan replied shortly, pulling his hand back.  _ “Really, ma. He deserved it and worse.”  _

Odette held her tongue for once and nodded. She recognised her son’s broken heart and let him be. They drove the rest of the way in a calm silence. The old familiar road and comforting rumble of the engine had Lorcan giving into his exhaustion as he rested his head against the window to doze. 

Only a few minutes later, Odette turned onto the gravel driveway and drove up, a hundred metres or so where she pulled in front of a sprawling, yet cozy, modified log cabin.  _ “Lorcan, we’re home.” _

He blinked his eyes and yawned before slowly getting out of the truck.

For a few seconds, Lorcan stood still. He took in the changes of his mother’s house, noting the garden in full bloom - no doubt his sister’s and grandmother’s doing - and the heady cedar smoke that rose above the stone chimney. 

A little ways away, where the family typically placed their drying racks for the game the tribe’s hunting groups brought back, a large bison hide was pegged on a frame that rested a couple inches from the ground. This far north, the sun hardly set, so Lorcan could clearly see that it had been scraped clean.  _ “Is that grandma’s?” _

_ “Yes. She’s been teaching Aneha. Sadirah is much happier with her garden and her powwows,” _ Odette said, tossing him his duffel bag.  _ “Let’s go inside, yes? You can check it all out tomorrow. Your grandma’s been cooking all day, you know. Got up with the sun.”  _

_ “The sun’s always up,” _ Lorcan pointed out as they walked up the stone path to the back door. Nobody ever used the front door, except for the mailman, whenever he came. 

Odette clicked her tongue and patted Lorcan’s cheek with a bit more force than necessary,  _ “Don’t sass your mother.”  _

_ “I would never sass you,” _ he replied, wearing a cheeky grin as he pushed the door open.  _ “Hello? We’re back!”  _

A door slammed open upstairs and two voices screamed,  _ “Lorcan?!” _ Before he could answer, two pairs of feet thundered down the hallway and clambered down the stairs. Lorcan hardly had enough time to put his bag down before his sisters were launching themselves at him. 

The twins hugged him tightly, like if they let go even the slightest bit, he would disappear again. Lorcan smiled and wrapped his arms around them, bending over to do so.  _ “We missed you,” _ said Aneha, only distinguishable from her twin because of the septum piercing she had. 

_ “I missed you too,” _ Lorcan replied, finally relinquished from their hold. He flexed his hand again and Aneha’s sharp gaze narrowed in on it. 

She gasped, alerting Sadirah, who took his hand in hers and hissed,  _ “What did you do?”  _

Their mother, who had been watching the exchange with a fond eye, supplied in a tone that told Lorcan she was less than pleased with him,  _ “He says whoever it was ‘deserved it’.” _

_ “I’ve heard that before,” _ Sadirah grumbled.  _ “Grandma! Lorcan beat someone up again!”  _

From the kitchen, they all heard Čantéwaštéwin’s hooting laughter,  _ “Oh, he did now, huh?”  _ Lorcan rolled his eyes as his family laughed at him and kicked off his shoes so he could walk into the house. 

_ “He really did deserve it,” _ he grumbled, smiling as Shunka loped over to him and sniffed around him for a moment before she allowed him to scratch her ears. Lorcan nudged the dog back to her bed by the woodstove. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, where his grandma was. 

Čanté turned to look at him, her smile lines deep and her eyes sparkling,  _ “I’m sure he did. Now come over here and give your grandma a hug.”  _ Lorcan smiled and did as he was told. Then, all three of the children took their seats on the barstools as their grandma dished out soup for them in deep bowls.  _ “You’re too skinny. Need to fatten you up, right?” _

_ “Yes, grandma,” _ Lorcan said. He picked up his spoon and ate silently. There had always been some magical quality in Čanté’s soup, something about it that managed to soothe any ailment, whether it be of the heart, body, or spirit. 

They weren’t silent for long though. Soon enough, they fell back into their familiar ways as a family and teased each other with love. 

Bright, bold laughter surrounded Lorcan, and it was like a balm to his soul after weeks of being inundated with the formalities of Terrasen’s elite. 

As he sat in his grandmother’s kitchen, immersed in the language and food of his birth, Lorcan began to think that maybe he could heal. Maybe… he could forge some life without her, even if it was the last thing he wanted. 

Later, when the house was quiet, Lorcan sat at the kitchen counter. It was dark and late, but he couldn’t fall asleep. He had stowed away his bag and things in his childhood bedroom and returned downstairs. 

The hall light flicked on and a pair of feet shuffled towards him.  _ “Lorcan, what are you doing up? It’s late.”  _

_ “Sun’s still up,” _ Lorcan muttered, flicking his eyes to the sliver of light behind the blackout curtains. 

Čanté clicked her tongue,  _ “Stop being contrary. I know the sun’s still up, I’m not blind yet.” _ She walked into the kitchen and rustled through the cupboard.  _ “Have you fixed that hand of yours yet, hmm?”  _

Lorcan frowned and curled his left hand into a fist, his knuckles still stiff and sore.  _ “Nope,”  _ he said, frowning harder.  _ “It was stupid.” _

_ “Was it?” _ Čanté asked. She filled the old kettle with water and put it on the stove. She didn’t ask him if he wanted tea, because he always did. Lorcan stayed silent as his grandmother gathered her supplies and put them on the counter. 

He breathed in raggedly, trying to quell the threat of tears,  _ “I don’t know.” _

Čanté hummed and sat down on a stool across from him,  _ “That’s ok. Let me look at it, yes?” _ Lorcan put his hand on the counter in front of her and stared at the worn surface as she worked.  _ “I’m surprised you didn’t break your hand, Lorcan. How hard did you punch this person?”  _

_ “Hard,” _ he said, his voice clipped. 

She rolled her eyes at him, her fingers light as air over the bruises.  _ “What happened to you in Perranth, Lorcan? Whose heart did you break this time, huh?”  _

_ “No one’s,” _ Lorcan whispered, his vision blurring.  _ “I wasn’t the heartbreaker this time, grandma.” _

_ “Oh, well, that’s a surprise,” _ Čanté teased him, her old eyes glittering. She unscrewed a tin of salve and carefully rubbed it onto his knuckles. 

Lorcan let out a rough laugh and sniffed,  _ “Are you making fun of me, grandma?”  _

She laughed as well and tightly bound his hand in white strips of gauze, making sure it was snugly tied so he couldn’t move them.  _ “Me? I don’t make fun of my grandchildren. What a wicked thing to accuse your poor old grandma of.” _

_ “Grandma.”  _

_ “You, my boy,”  _ reaching over, Čanté patted his cheek,  _ “are too serious. That’s why Rowan got away.”  _ Lorcan sighed through his nose, the look he gave her telling her they had spoken about this before. Čanté hooted and patted his hand, delighted in how easy it was to rile him up. She and Rowan had always adored each other. They were kindred spirits.  _ “So serious. Like your mother. Loving like her. That’s why you’re always falling in love, with your big heart.” _

Lorcan hummed, his eyes filling with tears again. He was spared from his grandmother’s needling questions as the kettle boiled and she got up to fill two mugs. Lorcan breathed out slowly, lifting his uninjured hand up to wipe his eyes. 

He didn’t look up when a mug of steaming rose hip tea was placed in front of him. Lorcan curled his hand around it and said, with his voice low and raw,  _ “I fell in love with someone who will never let herself love me back and… I don’t want to talk about her because I will never stop feeling broken if I do. Is that…”  _ he glanced up, tears streaking over his cheeks,  _ “is that ok? For now? Can that be enough?” _

Čanté smiled sadly and reached out to grip his hand, her thumb rubbing over the back of his palm,  _ “We don’t have to talk now. That can be enough, my boy.”  _ Without any hesitation, Čanté began to fill him in on all the gossip he had missed, knowing how much he loved it. 

It wouldn’t be enough forever. Lorcan would have to stop running from the truth eventually, but for now… he would rest, for as long as he could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺we're almost done omg 
> 
> anyhoo !! just for his grandmother's name !!   
> Čantéwaštéwin is a Lakota name that translates to 'good hearted woman'   
> it's pronounced 'Chan-tay-wash-tay-win' and i think it's really pretty and a perfect name for her ! 
> 
> on powwows ! powwows are cultural events, with spiritual elements and dancing !! there's a lot of videos on youtube showing powwows and the different forms of dancing that is shown !! 
> 
> here's a really beautiful jingle dress dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2npPRUi_kk and a more informative video on its background: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk7Cha5BVUc


	16. fifteen

“I’m so sorry, El.” 

Elide turned to look at her best friend, her brows knitted together, “You’re sure? He’s- no one’s seen him?” Her throat tightened and she whispered, “No one?” 

Rowan shook his head, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture, “I tried, El. We’ve all tried. He just… doesn’t want to be found.” 

She stood up and began to pace the floor in front of her armchair, “I thought… I thought he loved me.” Over the past days since the not-wedding, Elide had hoped that Lorcan would return to sweep her off her feet. What a ridiculous idea, to think that they would get their happy ever after. Her life wasn’t a fucking  _ Disney _ movie, for the gods’ sakes. “Are you sure he can’t be found?” 

Pity swam in the depths of Rowan’s dark green eyes, “I’m sorry. If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be. I can’t force him to pick up when I call.” 

“I know,” Elide said, looking down at her wool socks to avoid the look in Rowan’s eyes. “I just- I know. Don’t worry about it, I bet you have more important things to worry about than my nonexistent and imaginary love life.” She sat back against the windowsill. 

With a scoff, Rowan walked over to her and leaned next to her. He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side, “What are you talking about? There’s nothing I’d rather be doing than figuring out your love life. I’m an old married man now, it gets boring.” They both paused and he quickly said, “Don’t tell Aelin I said it gets boring. She’ll spice things up by divorcing my ass.” 

Elide snorted and put her hands in her lap. “Do you think he’ll ever come back?” 

“To Perranth, or to you?” 

“Either.” 

“I don’t know, Ellie,” confessed Rowan tiredly. “I hope so.” 

She nodded, resting the side of her head on his shoulder, “Me too.” 

On his fifth day at home, after everyone had stopped treating him with kid gloves, the pillow was ripped out from under his head. Quicker than Lorcan could react, someone slammed it back down on his head,  _ “Breakfast is ready and grandma needs your help with something.”  _

Lorcan groaned, swearing at whichever sister it was,  _ “Fuck you, I’m sleeping.”  _

_ “You really want grandma to come wake you up herself?”  _ He paused and slowly opened his eyes. Lorcan sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes and the tip of his nose. Sadirah smiled cheerily at him, her ring-laden hand wrapped around Lorcan’s mug. 

_ “That’s my mug.”  _

She shrugged and sipped from it,  _ “Doesn’t have your name on it.”  _

Narrowing his eyes at her, Lorcan made an annoyed sound and shook his head. Sadirah just cackled and walked out, purposefully leaving his door open and light on. He slowly got up, his heart feeling torn as he looked out his window. 

There was nothing like an  Otȟúŋwahe sunrise. Seeing the sky turn from a pretty purpley pink to the vibrant orange and rich turquoise was everything his tired, frayed soul needed and yet… it broke him, knowing he was so far away from Elide. Neither distance nor time had lessened his feelings for her. If anything, it sharply stung his heart, not knowing how she was or what she was thinking. Lorcan cleared his tight throat and grabbed the shirt he hadn’t remembered throwing over his desk. Probably from before he’d left home. 

As he walked down the hallway, he pulled it over his head. The scent of rich, dark coffee wafted up the stairs and Lorcan smiled slightly, feeling perkier by the second. 

_ “Oh, nice shirt, Lorcan,” _ Aneha cooed. Her hair was shoved up in a messy bun and her septum piercing was completely askew. 

_ “Yeah, it is a nice shirt, Nay. Cute hoodie,” _ he replied, looking pointedly to the hoodie he had won at one of the powwows he used to compete in. He used to wear that hoodie all the time.  _ “Wherever did you get that?” _ She smirked and stirred the ice into her iced coffee. Lorcan rolled his eyes and reached over his grandma’s head to get a mug,  _ “Morning, grandma.” _

Čanté elbowed him in the stomach,  _ “Boy, get away from me. You don’t sneak up on an elder like that, where’s your respect?”  _ Lorcan laughed and kissed the top of her head before hopping away to the coffee pot.  _ “Youngins these days,” _ she muttered as she puttered around to toss Shunka a hunk of meat in her metal bowl. 

Lorcan poured himself a mug and Sadirah padded back in from the backyard, a bundle of plants in her hands. She even had a flower weaved through her loose braid. Her eyes scanned him judgingly,  _ “I didn’t know you were into the whole crop top look, Lor.” _

He frowned and looked down at himself, finding that one of his  _ thieving _ sisters had hacked it to bits. His entire stomach was exposed beneath the–  _ “You cut my Melvins shirt? That’s my favourite one, you assholes.”  _

The twins giggled.  _ “You gonna change now? I like that crop top,” _ Sadirah said as she pulled down the heavy books she used to dry and press herbs. 

He sipped from his cup and shrugged,  _ “Nah, I look good in this. I mean,” _ he waved a hand at his washboard, defined abs,  _ “it’s a shame to hide all of this.” _

Aneha gagged and Sadirah pulled a face, throwing a berry at him,  _ “Ew, we don’t need to hear how you seduce your conquests, whore.” _ She shook her head and clicked her teeth. 

Lorcan laughed, but the happy, free sound cut off as he recalled Elide. He wrinkled his upper lip at the association between  _ conquest  _ and  _ Elide _ . He had never sounded like a larger douche. Elide wasn’t a fucking  _ conquest _ , she was everything and more. She was everything he still hoped to one day deserve. They all noticed and gave him sad looks. Aneha slunk off her stool and walked over to him. She gave him an awkward side-hug,  _ “I’m sorry, L. I bet she’s not even worth it.” _

It was so obviously a lie, one that Aneha didn’t believe either, but Lorcan still squeezed his arm around her and rested his cheek on the top of her head,  _ “Thanks, Nay.” _ She hip-checked him and returned to her seat and, more importantly, her coffee. 

Lorcan lifted himself onto the counter and leaned back against the wall next to the window. He gazed out at the ocean wistfully, his eyes full and deep with longing. He sighed and sipped his coffee again. After a few moments, he put his mug down and pushed his hair back into a loose, low bun. For some long, slow moments, Lorcan drank his coffee and watched the white, delicate and fluffy clouds travel across the robin’s egg blue sky. He wondered if it was sunny in Perranth and if Elide was watching the sky. His hand  _ itched  _ to grab his phone and call her to ask what her sky looked like and if she was missing and aching for him as much as he was for her. 

He didn’t do that. 

He sat still, sipping his coffee and looking up at the sky. It was a peaceful existence, if a bit lonely. Some minutes later, Sadirah came up to him, dressed to go to the summer camp she worked at,  _ “Do you want us to pick you up anything? We’re going into town after work.”  _

Lorcan shook his head,  _ “Nah, I’m fine. I don’t need anything.”  _

_ “Ok, well, text me if you change your mind,” _ she said.  _ “I’ll see you later.” _

He nodded, settling back into his perch,  _ “Yeah, have fun.”  _

Aneha and Sadirah both got their things quickly and scurried out, no doubt fearing their lateness. Lorcan chuckled a bit, fondly shaking his head. The twins were always late, despite their best efforts. 

Čanté walked over with a bowl of porridge and berries,  _ “You need to eat, Lorcan. Then I need your help with something.”  _

Lorcan dutifully took the bowl and ate his breakfast,  _ “What do you need help with?”  _

_ “We need more wood chopped and I need you to move some bags of soil into the shed,” _ she said, gesturing vaguely at the backyard. 

He nodded and went back to his food. When he had finished, Lorcan put his bowl, spoon, and empty mug into the dishwasher. His grandmother was already outside, fussing over something in the garden. Lorcan went upstairs to grab his socks and shoes, his phone and earbuds too. 

His mother was in her office, no doubt in a meeting with one of the judges she worked with as senior counsel in the supreme court of the Northern Isles. He didn’t bother her and headed back out to the yard. Lorcan put in his earbuds, knowing Čanté wouldn’t mind. He selected a playlist at random and began with the bags of soil. 

He left them in a neat line by the wall and grabbed the axe for the firewood. 

Beneath a lean-to, there were a number of tree rounds ready to be chopped. 

The sun started to bother him, burning down on his shoulders and neck. Strands of hair clung to his temples and the sides of his neck until he redid his bun. The handle of the axe was smooth and worn in his hand as he grabbed a couple rounds of wood. 

He dropped them next to the trunk used to split them and one by one, chopped them into eight pieces. 

Through the air, the axe was a flashing arc of light. It swung at a deadly place, gouging deep into the firewood and creating a splitting crack. The job went by quickly and at the end, Lorcan’s shoulders were burning. He went to lift the hem of his shirt to wipe his brow, but then realised he was still wearing the crop top and sighed. 

Lorcan piled up the chopped wood and carried it in bunches to the structure by the backdoor. He left most of it there and stocked the cage next to the woodstove inside.

Then he stalked up to the bathroom, needing to wash the grime and layer of sweat suffocating his skin. 

After his shower, Lorcan lounged on his bed, trying to avoid his grandma so she wouldn’t give him any more chores. He watched Netflix on his laptop, but didn’t process whatever was happening on the show he couldn’t remember the name of. 

On the mattress next to him, his phone was face down and buzzed on occasion. Lorcan ignored it. 

It started ringing again, over and over. 

He ignored it then, too. 

The palace was abuzz with activity. Various workers and people raced around, all frazzled as they worked on the ceremony. In one day’s time, Elide would be crowned the duchess of Perranth. She would succeed the throne and begin ruling. The thought of it used to fill her with anticipation and an itch to better her home, but now… 

It only served as a reminder to what was never supposed to be and what she had lost. 

The palace felt empty without him, even though he had hardly been there. His rooms were cleaned out and now looked hollow. Elide had been by his stone cottage. It had been dark and empty, too. There was no more life in it, as there had once been. 

Elide hugged her file-folder to her chest. Inside were a plethora of papers - agendas, lists, meticulously timed schedules for the following day. She walked a bit quicker, wanting to retreat to her rooms as quickly as she could. 

Inside her rooms, there were no pitying glances, no faces twisted in worried commiseration. She didn’t feel like a zoo exhibit, for once. 

No one bothered her or tried to speak with her as she went through the hallways and stairs. There was no one in her rooms, either, but Elide knew Aelin would return after her day was done and sleep next to her in bed. Elide would insist that she was fine and felt badly for stealing Rowan’s wife away. Aelin would say that Rowan was a big boy who could sleep alone for a little bit and there would be no more arguing. 

Elide didn’t have the energy for it. 

She slipped her shoes off and lined them up beside the doors. The folder, she dropped on the table, in front of the vase of flowers. They were sweet peas - her favourite flowers - but even the sight of the delicate, fluttery blooms couldn’t make her smile or feel anything besides a numb detachment. 

Elide walked into her bedroom and crossed it to the balcony. She let the doors stay open so that it was less stuffy in her room and curled up in the corner of the couch. Her phone was in the pocket of her hoodie and she pulled it out. 

Her notifications were a mess, mostly filled with reporters and tabloids all vying to get a comment from her. Elide ignored them. She was looking for one phone number. Every day, she pored through her notifications, knowing she wouldn’t see what she wanted to. 

It wasn’t as if she had called him either. Rowan had given her his number, but she hadn’t been able to dial it. 

With a shaking breath, Elide carefully tapped it out and pressed the call button. It rang for a while before going to voicemail. 

She hung up and tried again. 

_ “Hi. It’s Lorcan Salvaterre, leave a message.”  _

Again. 

_ “Hi. It’s Lorcan Salvaterre, leave a message.”  _

Again. 

_ “Hi. It’s Lorcan Salvaterre, leave a message.”  _

Again. 

_ “Hi. It’s Lorcan Salvaterre, leave a message.”  _

Again. 

_ “Hi. It’s Lorcan Salvaterre, leave a message.”  _

_ Beep _ . 

“...hey. It’s me,” she said flatly. Her nose pinched as tears stung her eyes. Elide stared out at the forest and her vision started to blur. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and weak. “I miss you. I really miss you. I’m getting crowned tomorrow and it’s been a week since I last saw you and…” she trailed off, not quite sure on what she wanted to say. 

“You didn’t even let me thank you for punching Vernon. His nose is broken, by the way,” she sniffled, her chuckle choked, the first tear spilling down her face. “You’re supposed to be here with me. You weren’t… you weren’t supposed to leave. And I’m so mad at you for leaving and I want to yell at you but just the thought of you makes me cry and-” her throat closed up and Elide cried, “and all I do is think about you and you’re supposed to make me feel better and you said you would stay with me for as long as I wanted and I–” 

Elide clamped her lips together, trying not to sob, “I still want you. There’s- there’s so many things I have to tell you. So come back. Come home and we can-” she wept, knowing how pathetic she was right now. Her voice dropped to a tear-laden whisper, “There is a place for you in Perranth, if you wish it.”

She waited, as if he would answer her. Then, Elide jolted out of her stupor and said, “I- just, call me back. I… good-bye.” She pulled the phone away and hung up. Elide put her phone down, face down, on the couch cushion beside her and wiped her cheeks dry. 

Lorcan would come home. They would figure this out and Elide would stop feeling like she had lost everything, all over again. 

Lorcan wandered downstairs after his nap. It was already well into the evening and he could hear his sisters moving around their rooms and the bathroom. He popped his head in as he passed the toilet, peering in curiously,  _ “Are you guys going somewhere?”  _

Sadirah looked up from where she was helping their younger sister with her eyeliner.  _ “Yeah, there’s a party at the beach we’re going to. Wanna give us a ride and boot?”  _

He chuckled, shaking his head,  _ “Yeah, sure.”  _ He had left home before his sisters started wearing makeup and going out, so it was a jarring experience. In true older-brother fashion, Lorcan made a face,  _ “What’s on your face?”  _

Both of the twins looked over at him, frowning. Aneha flipped him off and turned back to Sadirah, who rolled her eyes,  _ “Makeup, dumbass. Are you stupid or something?”  _ Lorcan scoffed and turned back to go downstairs. She called after him,  _ “We need a ride at eight, by the way!”  _

He nodded to indicate he had heard her and continued downstairs. His mother was sitting on the couch, a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. A quilt covered her lap and she was wearing rabbit fur slippers. Čanté was nowhere to be seen, which wasn’t a surprise. As an elder, she was always called on for help and would drop anything if someone was in need. 

Lorcan walked over to the couch and sat down. He pitched over and invaded his mother’s space, ending up with his head in her lap. Odette simply sighed through her nose and moved her cup so he wouldn’t spill it.  _ “Hello, Lorcan. How was your day?”  _

_ “It was fine,”  _ he said. She hummed and put her cup on the side table before brushing his hair back from his brow. Odette didn’t say another word and continued to read as she brushed his hair back again. Lorcan stared at the carpet, but saw nothing.  _ “What time is it?”  _

_ “Almost eight, baby, why?”  _

He sighed,  _ “I’m driving the twins to their par- thing. Their thing.”  _

Odette chuckled, looking down at him,  _ “You think I don’t know when my children are going to a party? Believe it or not, but you three are horrible at keeping anything a secret. They’ve been getting ready for hours.”  _

_ “Did you know when  _ I _ was going to parties?”  _

She laughed a bit louder at that, patting his cheek gently,  _ “Oh, baby. Yes. All the time.”  _

_ “Why didn’t you yell at me for sneaking out?”  _

Shrugging, Odette turned the page in her book, her eyes scanning the print,  _ “I don’t know. It was fun to see you try so hard to be careful and crash up the stairs. When you were home, of course.”  _ It was quick, just a flash, but Lorcan caught the sadness that entered her eyes.  _ “I have no idea if you were that bad at your dad’s house or school.” _

Lorcan went silent at that. They had never talked about it - Lorcan’s decision. He had once agonised over how to apologise but eventually… it seemed like he had waited too long and bringing it up would hurt everyone more than it would fix anything. Like it was more about easing his guilt than anything else. 

_ “Stop thinking that.”  _

He frowned,  _ “I’m not thinking anything.”  _

_ “Yes, you are. I forgave you a long time ago, you know,”  _ Odette said. She put her book down and Lorcan slowly sat up. He turned to face her and his mother took his face in her hands.  _ “Baby, you were just a kid. I know you didn’t mean it.”  _

_ “But I took the girls away from you. And I chose him when–”  _

_ “Lorcan Ohitekah Salvaterre.”  _ Odette’s voice was firm and he knew better than to try speaking again.  _ “You didn’t know your dad. It hurt when you chose him, yes, but I’d already gotten you for two years, all to myself.”  _ She smiled gently, softly shaking her head.  _ “Stop beating yourself up over it. There’s nothing to forgive, hon.”  _

_ “I’m still sorry, ma.” _

Odette rolled her eyes and pulled him into her arms,  _ “I know, baby. Thank you.”  _ She kissed the top of his head, rubbing a soothing circle over his shoulders.  _ “You and your sisters are the best things that ever happened to me.”  _ Two sets of footsteps scurried down the stairs and raced across the downstairs to the boot room.  _ “Girls… off so soon?”  _

Lorcan snorted and pulled away to look over his shoulder at his sisters.  _ “Ready to go, then?”  _

They ignored him.  _ “Hi, ma,”  _ Sadirah said, wearing a suspiciously large coat. Aneha tittered, waving her fingers.  _ “We don’t wanna be late, you know?”  _

Odette rolled her eyes, smiling at them,  _ “Of course. What time will you be home at?”  _

_ “Midnight.”  _

_ “Alright, you two. Make good choices and call your brother for a ride if you need one.”  _

They smiled, looking expectantly at Lorcan. He sighed a tortured sigh then got up and grabbed the keys on the kitchen counter.  _ “Yeah, yeah, let’s go. Wouldn’t want to be late, it’s social suicide.”  _ As soon as he got close enough, Aneha punched him in the gut. Lorcan groaned and winced,  _ “Gods, Nay, be nicer to me, I’m sad and buying you booze.” _

She rolled her eyes and ignored him to grab her shoes.  _ “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,”  _ commented Odette drily. 

_ “Come  _ on _ , we’re gonna be late,”  _ Sadirah complained, bouncing on her toes expectantly. 

Lorcan held his hands up,  _ “Chill for a sec, I gotta get my phone. I’ll be right back, damn.”  _ He went back upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. 

He didn’t bother to turn on his light as he entered the room, spying his phone on his bed, where he had left it. 

The screen was bright, almost blinding, and filled with notifications. They were mainly from Rowan, Fenrys, even Aelin too. Thankfully, his number was a relative secret and only a handful of reporters had managed to contact him directly. His email was another story, but he ignored those notifications by deleting them. 

He pressed on his voicemail after seeing the same number called him six times.  _ “You have twenty new messages. To play your messages, press one–”  _

Lorcan pulled his phone from his ear and clicked one.  _ “ New message, sent by Rowan Whitethorn.”  _ There was a pause, and then Rowan’s low voice, sounding tinny,  _ “Lor, it’s Ro. Are you on your way to the airport now? If you get this, don’t get on the plane. Come back to the castle, ok? I mean it.”  _

_ “To replay this message, press one-one. To save this message, press two. To delete and move to the next message, press three– New message, sent by Rowan Whitethorn.”  _

Lorcan deleted it as well, knowing it would just be Rowan asking him where he was. He deleted every message, even the ones from Fenrys and Aelin. His aunt had called, demanding to know where he was and when he would return. Apparently Maeve thought they still had business to conduct. 

_ “New message, sent by 613-555-0135.” _ He recognised the number from the caller and waited for the message to play. His chest constricted tight enough to force his heart to skip a beat when Elide’s voice filled his ear,  _ “...hey. It’s me.”  _ She sounded… flat and tired. She paused for a long moment and when her voice returned, it was quiet, almost… weak, an emotion he almost recoiled from as it came from Elide’s mouth. It was difficult to associate her with  _ weak _ .  _ “I miss you. I really miss you.”  _

His throat tightened to the point of pain. He sat on the edge of his bed, half-bent with his forearms braced against his thighs.  _ “I’m getting crowned tomorrow and it’s been a week since I last saw you and…”  _ She trailed off and he thought she had hung up until her voice came back,  _ “You didn’t even let me thank you for punching Vernon. His nose is broken, by the way.”  _

Lorcan chuckled softly, his knee bouncing up and down when she sniffled. The chuckle she let out sounded strangled. _ “You’re supposed to be here with me. You weren’t… you weren’t supposed to leave. And I’m so mad at you for leaving and I want to yell at you but just the thought of you makes me cry and-”  _ she cut herself off with a delicate sob,  _ “and all I do is think about you and you’re supposed to make me feel better and you said you would stay with me for as long as I wanted and I–”  _

Elide fell silent again, the sounds of her crying obvious.  _ “I still want you. There’s- there’s so many things I have to tell you. So come back. Come home and we can-”  _ she dropped to a whisper, sniffling once,  _ “There is a place for you in Perranth, if you wish it.”  _

His very being ached to travel, travel home to Elide and be whole once more. She waited a bit, the pause large enough that he almost answered her. But then, she continued and Lorcan remembered that he was listening to a message.  _ “I- just, call me back. I… good-bye.” _

_ “To replay this message, press one-one. To save this message, press two. To delete and move to the next message, press three. To–”  _ Lorcan hung up. Quickly, he stood, his mind racing. There was a flight every day at nine in the morning. He could take it– He’d be too late. He could drive down to the City of Rivers, it was only eleven hours, and get a plane to Orynth. 

In Orynth, he could rent a car and drive the two hours to Perranth. Lorcan grabbed his bag and started shoving his things in it. He didn’t care to fold them neatly, his thoughts consumed by seeing Elide again and what he would say. What he  _ could _ say. 

He moved hastily, not able to be calm enough to focus on anything. Someone knocked on his door and flicked the light on,  _ “Lor, the girls are- what are you doing?”  _

Lorcan whirled around to see his mother standing there.  _ “Mom, um, I- I have to go back to Perranth. I- Elide called and she said- and then Rowan was calling and–”  _

_ “Lor, shh,”  _ Odette said with a gentle laugh. She walked over to him and took his face in her hands once more, her thumbs smoothing over his cheekbones.  _ “You’re really going back?”  _

He nodded.  _ “I have to, ma. She’s- I’m in love with her. I love her.”  _ His voice broke.  _ “I have to.”  _

She smiled, leaning up to kiss his brow,  _ “I know, baby. I know you love her.”  _ Odette drew back, her dark eyes soft and warm.  _ “If you get her, you promise me you’ll never let her go, ok?”  _

He nodded again. Odette patted his cheek,  _ “Alright, no more messing around. The plane tomorrow will be full, so you’ll have to get the evening one or- oh, you’re thinking of driving, aren’t you?”  _

_ “Yeah, just to Doranelle.”  _

Odette arched a brow,  _ “And who, exactly, is meant to drive my truck back up here?”  _

_ “We are.”  _ They both turned around to see that the twins had crowded in the doorway. Their brows were lowered defiantly, in a challenge. Lorcan could tell they wouldn’t back down without a fight.  _ “Lor can drive there and we’ll drive the truck back. He’ll get us a hotel room for the night, right? And we can drive back the day after,” _ Sadirah said, nodding decidedly.  _ “It’s the perfect plan.”  _

Odette looked between her children for a couple moments, her face impassive. Then, just as Lorcan thought she would say no, she smiled and nodded,  _ “Ok. Call me when you get there and call me when you leave.”  _ Aneha and Sadirah shrieked excitedly and raced back to their rooms for their things. Odette rolled her eyes and sighed,  _ “Get your things and I’ll book the flight. You can’t leave until you’ve said bye to your grandmother, too.”  _

Lorcan nodded once more, kissing the top of his mother’s head,  _ “Thank you, ina.”  _

She pushed him off, saying he didn’t have enough time for sentimentalities. 

Twenty minutes later, the twins bundled themselves into the truck, chatting excitedly. Lorcan stood in front of his grandmother, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder.  _ “Grandma…”  _

_ “I know, my boy,”  _ Čanté said, her hands gripping his.  _ “You won’t be so far this time, not when I know you’ll be happy. She’s your heart, isn’t she?”  _

_ “She’s my home,” _ Lorcan replied softly. 

His grandmother smiled, her hooded eyes disappearing,  _ “Good. Go home to her, child.”  _ Čanté reached up to cup his face. Lorcan bent his head so that she could press a kiss and prayer to his forehead. 

With that and one last long hug, a soothing and heart-filling hug, from his mother, Lorcan walked to the truck, Elide’s voice calling him home with every step. 

Each step was measure, calculated. 

Her periwinkle, tulle - embroidered with pale purple flowers and shimmery-green leaves - skirts hissed over the marble floor as she seemingly glid across the throne room. 

Dozens upon dozens of eyes burned into her, singeing her pale skin through the structured bodice of her gown, digging into her spine. Elide kept her chin lifted, coolly staring at her uncle as she approached the dais. 

Vernon glowered, not pretending to disguise his venomous scowl in any way. No crown or circlet sat upon his head and he wasn’t seated on the throne any longer. Instead, he stood to the side, leaving it open for her. 

Her gut twisted with sick delight and Elide barely managed to keep the smirk from curling her lips. She flicked her eyes to the priestess, navy stars tattooed into her weathered brow. Her robes were a rich blue velvet, the moon cycle stitched in silver thread along her sleeves. The woman’s light, sea-green eyes sparkled with triumph, a familiar sense of pride for Elide. 

When Elide reached the bottom of the dais, she sunk to her knees, reverently bowing her head.

It was as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. Nobody dared to breathe when the priestess spoke, addressing Elide in the Old Language.  _ “Elide Lochan, do you offer your life, your body, your soul to the service of Perranth?”  _

The words were still unfamiliar on her tongue, but Elide spoke clearly,  _ “I offer all that I am and all that I have to Perranth.”  _

_ “Then speak your vows.”  _

For the first time in a week, maybe even two months, the sense of belonging and peace flowed through her,  _ “I, Elide Amara Lochan, swear upon my immortal soul to guard-”  _ her voice cracked slightly and her eyes welled,  _ “to nurture, and to honour Perranth from this day, until my very last.”  _

A pale hand with graceful, artist’s fingers reached out to her, lifting her chin,  _ “Then so it shall be.”  _ Long red hair, the colour of a smouldering flame, shifted silkily as the priestess moved to lift the crown from its cushion. 

Elide wasn’t ashamed of the tears that streaked down her cheeks as the diadem was placed on her head. The silver was cool against her forehead. The metal had been twisted and worked to show a raven, its wings spread. For its body, there was an oval-cut onyx stone, smaller stones glittering along the feathers.  _ “Rise, Lady Lochan, Duchess of Perranth.”  _

Her legs were more steady than she thought they’d be. Elide stood up straight, smiling tearfully at Aelin, who moved to guide her up the steps to the throne. “Long may she reign,” the queen said. 

Her words sparked a rattling cry through the crowd.  _ Long may she reign _ echoed off the ancient walls of the palace, spilling to spectators crowding outside. They cheered and cried for her, the sound of it threatening to make Elide crumble to the floor. 

A slow, wide grin made its way across her berry-pink lips as Elide took her rightful place in her throne and watched her subjects. 

For the rest of her days, till her dying breath, Elide would serve her people. She would do it willingly, with the entire contents of her heart and soul. She would shoulder the burden and the gift, being the ruler she promised her parents she would be. 

What a lonely existence she would live. 

Aelin snagged Elide’s arm, tugging her to the side of the bar, “El, you need to go to the throne room. There’s something for you.” 

She groaned, wrestling away from her cousin’s menacing grip, “Don’t make me go, I’m having fun and I’m drinking. Let me stay at my party.” Elide rubbed the spot where Aelin had grabbed, red nail marks in the smooth skin of her upper arm. Her dress was off the shoulder and left miles of skin to be abused. “I don’t like surprises,” Elide said sullenly. A waiter passed by and Elide snagged a flute of champagne. 

The queen was not to be dissuaded and shook her head, pushing Elide towards the doors, “ _ Go _ , already. It’s important.” Elide couldn’t quite read what was the sparkle in Aelin’s electric, mesmerising eyes. Maybe something cheeky, overwhelmed with fondness. Confusing. 

Sighing, Elide sipped from her champagne and picked her path through the ballroom. Thankfully, not too many revelers stopped her and she was freed mere minutes later. She waltzed down the guarded hallways. Once she got to a hidden, out-of-sight corridor, Elide leaned her hand, somehow not spilling her drink, against the wall next to a portrait and took off her shoes. She sighed in relief and continued on, occasionally pausing to drink. She didn’t have the skill to drink and walk.

Elide snorted into her glass and dragged open the iron doors. The throne room was empty, dark. Shafts of moonlight spilt through the cathedral windows, cut across the black marble floor. Veins of white quartz criss-crossed over it. She slowly scanned her eyes across it, freezing like a deer in headlights at the sight of a large, shadowy figure by the throne. “Hello?” 

They turned and their familiar, lopsided and tilted smile was a flash of white in the dark, “I’m sorry I was late, sweetheart. I tried my best to get back in time.” 

A soft cry tore from her throat and Elide dropped her shoes. The crystal flute was next and it shattered against the floor. Quicker than she thought possible, Elide  _ flew _ across the room, as if gods themselves pushed at her heels. She crashed into Lorcan, curling her hands around the backs of his shoulders. Her swishy skirts swirled around his legs and draped across the floor. “You’re here,” she said, stifling a squeal when he braced his hands around her waist and lifted her up. Lorcan turned, placing her down on the third step of the dais. 

Elide was so close he could see the flecks of honey and almond browns in her dark eyes. Her lashes all but fluttered against his when she blinked. The tip of her pert button nose bumped into his, “You’re back.”

“It was time, you know? To come home,” he murmured.

“H-how did you get here today, I called you yesterday.” Her eyes searched his face. 

Lorcan shrugged, shifting closer to her. “I drove to the City of Rivers with my sisters. Plane to Orynth and…” he dipped his head, brushing his lips over hers, “train to you.” Elide’s breath hitched delicately. “I missed you, Lochan.”

Elide swallowed once and pressed a more firm kiss to his mouth, “I missed you too. A lot.” Her fingers carded through his hair and Lorcan pulled her closer, more sure this time. He bit her bottom lip gently, soothing over the sting with a lazy roll of his tongue. 

Lorcan coaxed her lips open, pulling back once to peck her lips sweetly, and licked into her mouth, slow and hot and filthy. 

Elide slid one of her hands out of his hair to cup his face, her thumb stroking over his jaw, “Lorcan, I need to say something.” He stopped, drawing away respectfully. “I just- I don’t know what this is to you but it’s- it’s not  _ dating _ for me. I love you.” Her heart slowed painfully as she swallowed past her tight throat. “I… I need you to be that for me.”

Her confession hung heavy in the hair, weighing them both down. Her heartbeat was loud and strong, like her heart raged against its skeleton prison of flesh and bone. Her eyes desperately searched his and then… then a blinding grin spread across his face, his teeth showing. Elide had never noticed the deep dimples mirroring each other on his cheeks. It took her breath away, his joy. 

Lorcan’s thumb soothed a circle into her hip, finding the bone beneath her layers of gauzy material, “Elide Amara Lochan, I am…” he let out a shuddering breath, like it was some secret finally unveiled to the world, “so in love with you.” 

She smiled so widely her nose scrunched and he laughed, kissing the tip of her nose, “You’re so fucking cute.” Elide wrinkled her nose at that and tugged his head closer, making him slant his mouth of hers. 

Smoother than she thought was fair, Lorcan picked her up. He banded his arms beneath her ass and carried her a few steps away, his tongue still in her mouth. Elide was set down on her throne and she grabbed his face, forcing him to brace his hands against the armrests and follow her as she leaned. She wrapped one arm around his neck and held his stubbled jaw in the other. 

He slowly pulled away from her lips, marking his own down her jaw and neck. Lorcan teasingly dragged his teeth over her pulse and Elide’s arm around his neck tightened. “I was right,” he murmured into her soft, peachy-soft skin. 

“About what,” Elide asked breathlessly. 

Lorcan fully pulled away, his eyes hazy and warm, “You do look lovely on your throne.” 

She could feel her cheeks redden and patted his cheek a bit too hard, “Stop it.” 

He huffed a laugh and kissed her once again, “Mmm, I love you. So fuckin’ much, sweetheart.” 

“You already said that,” she whispered, grateful that he couldn’t see the way tears glassed over her eyes at the sentiment glowing in her chest. 

“No, I said I was  _ in _ love with you, dummy,” Lorcan jokingly chided her. “Get it right. And besides, I like saying it.” 

Elide smiled and tilted her chin away. She flicked her eyes down to his kiss-bitten, plush lips and kissed him once, twice, three times, “I like hearing it.” Elide paused for a moment, “In case you’re concerned, I’m in love with you too.”

He gripped her face in one hand, her cheeks squeezed in his hold and her lips puckered so he could kiss her without her moving, “You’d better be.” Their embrace became deeper, hotter. His hand curved around the back of her head. Elide’s tongue tangled with his and her long nails dug into his skin. 

His mind began to fog until all he could remember was that Elide loved him. She was  _ in _ love with him. 

She paused, but only moved to pull her lips away. Lorcan’s brow still rested on hers. His eyes tracked the way her chest rose and fell haggardly, something darkening in his gaze. “We should go,” Elide whispered. She swallowed and elaborated, “To see our friends. They’ve missed you, I don’t want to be selfish.” 

“Are you sure about that,” he murmured. “‘Cause I want to be selfish with you. Those fuckers can wait a little longer. Meddlesome shits.” 

Elide laughed against his lips and soon stopped thinking of reasons to counter his side. It wasn’t that hard to give up. 

Fifteen minutes later, they emerged, looking slightly disheveled, yet sated. Elide smoothed her hand over his chest, picking off a fleck of lint. Toying with the fingers on her hand, Lorcan revealed the diadem that had been knocked off at some point. Elide preened under his appreciative look and waiting dutifully. 

Lorcan lovingly fixed her hair and kissed her forehead before he placed the tiara down on her head. His hand found hers and he lifted it, pressing a kiss to the backs of her knuckles, “Beautiful.” 

She rolled her eyes as she blushed a pretty pink. Elide put her free hand over his face and shoved, “Sap.” 

He stumbled back in mock pain, as if she had shot him, “Shit, that’s  _ ice _ , sweetheart. Not even half an hour and you’re breaking my heart, Lochan. Maybe I'll take my ‘I love you’ back.” 

Elide reached out, hooking her finger in the collar of his hoodie and yanking him down to her level. Her eyes were ablaze and she snarled, “Try it. I  _ dare  _ you, Salvaterre.”

Laughing softly, Lorcan cupped her neck in his hands and tilted her chin up with his thumbs. He dipped his head, pecking her top lip before her bottom, “I’m just playing. No take-backs now. I’m yours for as long as you want me.” 

She languidly strung her arms around his neck. Lorcan smiled, sliding his hands around her waist to dip her. “And if I said I want you forevermore, so that we shall not know a day apart? Even when this world is forgotten and no one remembers our story?” So many emotions, deep and vast, flashed through his eyes. He looked down at her in adoration. One thumb stroked her side, over the side boning on the bodice, and Lorcan leaned down. 

He ghosted chaste, fleeting pecks over the smattering of freckles splashed across the short, low bridge of her nose. 

“I’ll remember it enough for the both of us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg 🥺 they said it ! and they're happy ! 🥺 oh my


	17. epilogue

_ Two Years Later _

Glancing down at the note in her hand once again, Elide clamped down on the panic bubbling in her stomach. She fisted her hand in the skirt of her velvet dress and walked more quickly. She had a keen sense that she wouldn’t want to be late this evening. 

Lorcan hadn’t been in their rooms when Elide had gotten back. Her day had been filled with meaningless, arbitrary meetings that lasted eternities. Truthfully, the only thing she had wanted to do was curl up in bed with her boyfriend for the evening and watch something they’d already seen a million times over. 

Instead, on the island in her closet, had been a white dress box, edged in black. Tied around it had been a black ribbon and the colour scheme was mirrored on the shoe bag sitting atop it. A note had been left, tucked beneath the ribbon. 

She’d unfolded it and smiled at the familiar script that read,  _ Sweetheart, I hope you like the dress. Dinner is at eight, be in the foyer at quarter to. - L _

Further ahead, at the end of the hallway, Elide could see light and hear something low and sweet. She beat back the urge to run, though she was unable to stop the smile on her face. 

The Willows was her favourite restaurant. When she was a kid, her parents would take her out for celebratory dinners and now, it held even more meaning as it was where she and Lorcan had had their first real date. They had been seated on the second floor, in the glass dome of the observatory. 

Elide paused for a moment as she reached the end. After a few calming breaths of air, she walked in. Immediately, her eyes swept the room. Lush and vibrant greenery decorated the space. All around the glass ceiling, fairy lights had been strung up like a spider’s web, all connecting in the middle. The patio doors had been opened and on the patio sat a small table. Behind it, leaned against the railing that overlooked the city, stood her boyfriend. 

Her smile grew larger somehow at the sight of him, his hair falling free down to his hips. Elide cleared her throat primly and watched as Lorcan turned. He was wearing a suit that was cut perfectly. It was black and, like usual, his white shirt was unbuttoned with no tie. “Hi,” she said, letting go of her skirt. “Don’t we look nice tonight, hmm?” 

He grinned, his eyes roving over her, “Damn, sweetheart.” Elide laughed, the delicate sound sultry and low. She all but preened under his gaze as Lorcan surveyed the gown she wore. Slightly puffed, off the shoulder sleeves circled her upper arms. The sweetheart neckline was decorated with one feather, stitched in silver, on the right side of her chest. Down to her knees, the rich black fabric clung to her curves, and then it continued into a small train. “I have good taste, don’t I?” 

She rolled her eyes and walked over to him, “What are you planning?” When Elide got close enough, she fiddled with the cuffs of his jacket. Lorcan slid his arm around her waist and pulled her near. 

“Do I need a reason to take my girl out to dinner? I’m hurt that you think I have ulterior motives, El,” he said, faking a pout. “It’s like you don’t trust me.”

“Obviously I trust you. I trust you more than anyone,” Elide told him, her tone casual but Lorcan knew how much it meant that he was her most trusted person. It meant more to him than she knew. “But you and I both know this isn’t a spontaneous, casual dinner dress. And you haven’t even told me how nice I look.” 

Lorcan laughed lowly, his eyes dipping to travel down her body again, “How tragic.” He took her hand in his and neatly spun her out. Soft, brilliant laughter spilled from her lips - painted a berry-pink only a few shades darker than her natural colour - as Lorcan did so. Elide’s cheeks were slightly flushed. 

“And?” 

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he replied quietly. There was something like awe in his gaze when Lorcan lifted his head to look at her. “Goddess divine.” 

Elide smiled, ducking her head to toy with his fingers and hide her blush. Damn him for still making her blush. “Thank you. This dress is–” 

“It’s not the dress,” Lorcan said, his tone certain. “It’s all you, Lochan.” 

Lifting her head, Elide stepped closer to him, a brow quirked, “All me, really?” She rested her free hand above his heart and was able to feel its steady beat. Almost every night, without fail, Elide fell asleep with the rhythm in her ear. The steadiness of it soothed every worry and fear she had. 

“Fuck, you bother me.” 

It took a moment for Lorcan’s words to sink in. Elide frowned when they did, her grin losing its warmth and familiarity. He could be such a fucking ass when he wanted to. “I’m bothering you right now because I look good, really? Maybe you shouldn’t have bought me this fucking dress in the first place, you bastard.” 

“What? Shit, no,” Lorcan shook his head, “ _ no _ , that’s not- you aren’t bothering me, you’ve just ruined my plan.” 

“What plan?” Elide snapped, her frown fierce. 

Without thinking, Lorcan blurted out, “To ask you to marry me, El, gods-damn.” He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes downcast as he rambled, “I’ve been planning for months, you know, and I’m bothered because I’m so in love with you that I can’t wait to eat fucking  _ dinner _ to propose, ok?” As if realising what he’d confessed, Lorcan’s eyes and he snapped his head up to look at his girlfriend. 

Elide’s eyes were wide too, her round lips curling to form a perfectly delicate, “ _ Oh. _ ” Silver glittered along her lower lash line and she smiled a small smile, “You want to marry me?” 

“‘Course I do,” Lorcan mumbled, his cheeks heating. “You’re the love of every life I could ever live.” She let out a tearful laugh and rose up to kiss him gently. Her hands rested against his chest and his own held her waist. “Is this a yes?” 

Elide smiled against his lips, pulling away slightly, “I can’t really say yes if you don’t ask me.” 

“On one knee and everything?” 

She nodded, “One knee and everything.” Lorcan narrowed his eyes in warning and took a step backwards. With a large sigh, as if it was such a hardship, Lorcan lowered himself onto a knee. The light in his eyes practically dared her to say something. “My, don’t you look nice, down on your knees for me.” 

He snorted, shaking his head, “Yeah, I think we all know how much you like me on my knees for you.” Elide gasped, smacking his shoulder with a sharp hiss of his name. That low, rumbling laughter of his vibrated through his chest, “I can’t ask if you keep getting mad at me.” 

Tears built in her eyes and she nodded, her hands clasped to her chest, “Ask then. I’ll shut up.” 

He grinned up at her as he pulled a little velvet box out of his pocket. “Don’t smile. This is serious business, love.” Elide giggled, quickly wiping her smile off her face and nodding seriously. “Sweetheart, you are… everything. My everything. Without you, I don’t think I could function. You give my life meaning and I don’t think that I’m good enough for you in the slightest, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be.” Lorcan smiled softly at her tears, “I love you with all that I am and my heart is yours. It’s always been yours, so,” he flipped the lid up, looking up at her through his lashes, “Elide–”

“Yes.” 

“I didn’t even ask–” 

“Yes, I’ll marry you, I want to marry you,” she said, reaching down to hold his face. Elide kneeled before him, almost crying. “Lorcan, I want to marry you.” 

“Let me ask, then, Hellas,” Lorcan teasingly chided her. “Are you going to let me ask?” 

“Yes.” Elide held her hand out, waving her fingers, “I’m waiting.” 

Lorcan laughed, a quiet sort of joy in his deep gaze, “So patient. Sweetheart?

“Yes?” 

“Will you marry me?” 

She nodded, her throat tight, “Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I’ll marry you. Of course I will.” Elide leaned forward, kissing him soundly, “Yes.” Lorcan kissed her back as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She felt something cold and metal on the tip of her ring finger. Elide pulled away, hardly daring to breathe as Lorcan slid the ring down her finger. 

The gold band fit perfectly. Elide’s breath hitched lightly and she murmured, “It’s perfect.” And it was. The emerald-cut ruby’s colour was deep and rich, flanked by three smaller marquise-cut diamonds on both sides. “I love it.” 

She looked up at Lorcan, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, “I love you, forever.” Lorcan’s eyes glittered with something loving. He stood up, pulling her up off the floor. Elide loosely looped her arms around her fiancé’s neck, one hand carding through his hair. 

“And I love you,” he said softly before he pressed his lips to hers, “always.” 

_ Three Years Later _

She stared down at the ice cube melting in her drink. Elide stirred it around, focusing on the way it plinked against the glass. 

With a short sigh, she looked up, searching out her fiancé. He was across the room, speaking with Fenrys and Ress. He looked relaxed, his hips slanted and hand in his pocket. Elide smiled softly at the sight, but didn’t move to join him. 

On the night before her wedding, Elide was feeling a bit… detached. She’d been in such a daze she hardly remembered eating, even though she’d been looking forward to the menu for weeks. For once, Lorcan was smiling and happy, calm as he spoke with their friends. How it pained her that she couldn’t find it in herself to join him. 

Elide stood up. No one noticed her slipping through the guests and into the gardens. She wandered to the fountain, the one they shared their first kiss at. It would always hold a soft spot in her heart. 

She took a seat on the edge of the iron bench and leaned against the cold backing. Elide swirled her drink, watching the way the garden lights caught on the amber liquor. She propped her elbow up on the bench and rested her chin in her palm, sighing through her nose. 

Elide gazed down at her engagement ring, twisting it around with her thumb. She smiled softly, looking up at the sky.

“I thought I’d find you out here,” came a deep voice from across the fountain. A dark figure stepped out and Elide smiled again. 

“You noticed I was gone?” 

Lorcan arched a brow as he walked towards her, a pair of glasses in one hand and an unopened bottle of scotch in the other, “Of course I did.” He sat down next to her and put the things he’d brought on the ground. “You’ve been quiet tonight, sweetheart.” Elide’s heart fluttered at the nickname-turned-term-of-endearment and she leaned into his side. “Are you alright?” 

She shrugged, putting her glass down. Lorcan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and half pulled her back into his broad frame. Elide blew out a long breath, her eyes welling. “We’re getting married tomorrow,” she whispered, tilting her head back against his chest. Fathomlessly dark eyes met hers and Lorcan toyed with the ends of her long hair. 

“I know,” he answered mildly, his face expertly neutral. It was an intimidating sight for anyone who didn’t know him, but Elide wasn’t perturbed by the resting state of his features. “But…” 

“My parents won’t be there,” Elide confessed. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. A silver raven pendant hung from a delicate silver chain and she reached up to toy with it. His eyes flicked to it as she began sliding it up and down the chain. Something softened in his face, as if he was remembering their first anniversary, when he’d presented it to her. “And I wish they were.” 

Lorcan hummed and kissed the top of her head, “I know, El. I’m sorry they can’t be here.” He pulled his arm away. Elide’s protests were ignored as he smoothly cracked the lid of the liquor bottle and poured them both a glass. When he passed hers to Elide and their fingers touched, Lorcan held onto the glass.

Elide frowned, “Hey–” His lips pressed against hers in a soothing embrace. She could feel them curl up at the corners as he smiled and she grinned too, lifting her hand to rest her fingertips on his stubbled jaw. 

It was Lorcan who pulled away first. On his lips played a small smile, one only Elide and Rowan had ever seen. “It’s ok to miss them,” he murmured, sitting up straight. 

Elide curled into her fiancé’s side and kicked her pumps off. She tucked her feet beneath herself and nodded, running the tip of her finger over the rim of the crystal scotch glass. She sniffled slightly, the tip of her nose pinching, “I know, I just- I wish they could meet you.” Her head fell back against his shoulder. “They would’ve liked you.” 

“Really? Why?” 

She rolled her eyes, turning her head to kiss the side of his neck, “Yes,  _ really _ . Because you make their daughter happier than she’s ever been before.” Lorcan chuckled and slid his hand down to her hip, giving her an affectionate squeeze. With a short sigh, Elide drank from her cup and put it down. She took Lorcan’s as well, narrowing her eyes at the drops that remained, and laced her fingers through his. Elide pulled their joined hands into her lap and traced the graceful lines of his digits as she spoke, “Marrying you is… all I want right now. There’s- I want to be called your wife and to call you my husband, but I wish it had gone differently.” 

Elide could feel his heavy gaze on her as Lorcan carefully, oh so carefully, asked, “...does our story leave something to be desired?” 

She shook her head and looked up at him, tears caught in her lashes, “No. I know that you’re not proud of how we ended up like this, but I wouldn’t redo it. It’s messy and painful, yeah, but it’s ours. I could never regret something that’s ours. We've broken each other's hearts, but... you're the only person I'd let break my heart. Yours is the only heart I'd ever want to break.” Elide rested her hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking over his cheekbone, and kissed him. “I love you.” 

Lorcan moved both of his hands to the small of her back and pressed her further into him, “I love you too.” 

They stayed in the gardens for a long while, though neither noticed the time. When they finally walked back into the stately dining room, their hands entwined, workers had begun to clear the table. Elide led Lorcan past them, saying quiet thank you’s. They slipped into the hallway and were stopped by Aelin. 

“ _ There _ you are! Where were you?” 

Elide looked up at Lorcan, sending him a secret look as she wrapped her free hand around his elbow. In the hand that wasn’t holding hers, Lorcan carried her shoes and the half empty bottle. “We were in the gardens. Just sitting.” 

Aelin rolled her eyes, muttering something about them being  _ clingy _ . Lorcan stifled his snort and wisely did not comment on the irony of Aelin Galathynius talking about  _ clinginess _ . Elide subtly pinched him as she too attempted to keep quiet. “Come on, everyone’s in the living room.” 

She turned neatly on her heels and marched down the hall. Aelin didn’t wait to see if they were following and the couple slowly followed her, not exactly jazzed about seeing other people, even if it was their family. 

Just after Aelin slipped into the room, pushing the door open for them, Lorcan stopped Elide. He leaned down, brushing his lips over her head once more, “You up for this? You know how… nosy they can get.” They all meant well, this Elide knew, but it was overwhelming at times. 

Still, she nodded, “Yes. We should spend time with them. Aelin and Ro are leaving in a couple days, Fen, too. And the twins.” As was expected, Elide and Lorcan’s sisters got on like a house on fire. He’d been right when he said Sadirah was a lot like her. 

Lorcan squeezed her hand and pushed the door open. Immediately, they were bombarded with catcalls and whistles, courtesy of Aneha and Fenrys, of course. Ress slapped his boyfriend’s chest, narrowing his deep brown eyes in warning. The smug prick just grinned lazily and pressed a lingering kiss to Ress’ rouging cheek, whispering something low that had Ress rolling his eyes. 

“Hello, lovebirds,” Aneha said, her words affected by a delicate and rolling accent. “Wherever could you have wandered off to?” 

Elide snorted and dropped Lorcan’s hand to take a seat between his sisters, “You know you love us, Nay. We’re cute.” She and Sadirah shared a look and pounced simultaneously, pulling Aneha into a suffocating hug. “Admit it. You  _ love _ us.” 

Lorcan laughed under his breath and sat down on the carpet next to Rowan, their backs against the couch in front of the girls. Aneha extracted herself from the pile and pulled his head back. Lorcan hissed at the sharp movement. Aneha shushed him as she started parting his hair into three sections. 

Elide smiled at the sight and hugged Sadirah close, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. Sadirah smiled and stretched her long legs over Elide’s lap. 

Elide looked around them when the conversation flowed again. She watched silently, a small smile on her face as she observed. 

A familial sense of warmth glowed in her chest as she sat, amidst her mismatched family. She heard Lorcan’s real laugh, so deep and true it made her breath hitch. Fenrys chimed in with one-liners that had the women in stitches while Ress rolled his eyes and blushed like usual. Aelin was snickering with Aneha as they mocked Lorcan and he was decidedly ignoring them in favour of talking with Rowan. 

_ “Are you alright, Elide?”  _

She turned at Sadirah’s gentle voice. The younger woman spoke in Blackbeak. It had been a surprise when she’d revealed she was taking a Blackbeak linguistics course at university, and something that had made Elide cry.  _ “Yes. I think I finally am.”  _

Later that night, Elide sighed. 

The bed was far too big without him. And cold. She’d reached out earlier, searching for the warm body, only to remember that they would be apart for the night. At least she had Bear, who was all too happy to make herself comfortable in Lorcan’s absence. The fluffy beast had her big head on Elide’s stomach, on top of the duvet. 

She sunk back into the soft pillows and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep. The seconds, and then minutes, ticked by, and Elide wasn’t anywhere near the sticky oblivion of slumber. 

Her phone rang. Bear lifted her head, making a low noise in her chest. “Hey, hey,” Elide said as she sat up, “it’s just my phone, bub.” She grabbed it from her nightstand and smiled at the black heart contact that flashed over her screen. Sliding the button to the right, Elide lifted the phone to her ear, “Hello.” 

A grin could be heard through Lorcan’s voice,  _ “Hello, sweetheart. How are you?” _

Elide ran her hand through Bear’s thick coat, “I’m fine. Can’t sleep, though. Are you out still?” It was an hour past midnight, so the bars and clubs would still be open. She had no doubt Fenrys had dragged them all over. “It’s late.” 

_ “No, we got back fifteen minutes ago. Had to make sure Fen made it back and Ro couldn’t stop trying to sing that horrid wedding song.”  _ Lorcan paused.  _ “Please tell me that you’ve chosen another song to walk down the aisle to.”  _

She laughed, reclining once more, “Yes, I’ve another song. You haven’t grossly offended me.” 

He chuckled, the sound tinnier than usual because of the phone,  _ “Thank the Creator for that. You can’t sleep?”  _

“No, it’s too… quiet. Or cold, I don’t know.” Elide couldn’t help but feel a little pathetic. They weren’t a clingy couple, by any stretch. Both enjoyed their individualities and weren’t together all the time. For Anneith’s sake, she’d slept without him there. She frowned, not liking that she was so affected by his absence. “It’s different tonight, you know? We’re getting married tomorrow- well, today. I just… miss you.” 

Lorcan huffed a dry laugh. 

“Don’t laugh at me. I’m serious,” Elide sniffled, tears prickling her eyes. 

_ “El, come open the door, please? I forgot my keys.”  _

Elide squealed and dropped her phone onto the mattress. She surged out of bed and dashed into the hallway, ignoring Bear’s concerned bark. She heard that deep laughter from the other side of the doors and quickly flung them open. 

Before her, Lorcan stood. At some point during his night, he had taken out his braid and his long hair was now in a messy bun at the nape of his neck. “Hey there, sweetheart.” He took a step forward, slipping his arms around her waist. 

Elide grinned and looped hers over his shoulders, “Hiya, handsome.” She rose to her tiptoes, puckered her lips, and closed her eyes. Lorcan rolled his eyes at her prim request and bent his head. His hands pulled her close as he pressed a long, languid kiss to her mouth. Elide breathed in and wrapped her arms around his head, pressing herself closer to him. 

When they pulled apart, her eyes were hazy and half-lidded. Lorcan let a small smile show and dropped one more sweet kiss to her lips, “I missed you too.” 

“You’re staying here tonight? With me?” 

His face softened and he tucked the hair that had escaped her topknot behind her ear, “I can’t sleep without you, either.” Elide could feel her cheeks darken with a smitten blush. She took his hand to lead him back into their bedroom. 

Bear hopped off the bed when she saw them come in. She loped up to Lorcan, who always indulged her. This time was no different. As Elide climbed back into bed, Lorcan bent over to scratch and pet Bear’s head, saying something quietly. 

Elide pressed her lips together to stop her grin as she watched, her heart melting slightly. “Babe, come join me, please? Bear will live if you don’t declare your adoration for her every ten minutes.” 

Lorcan faked a gasp and put his hands over Bear’s floppy ears, “How dare you. You’ll hurt her feelings!” 

She laughed, cooing, “Oh, such a softy, my mans.” 

Lorcan grinned a wicked grin and winked, “I’m hard where it counts, sweetheart.”

“Ew!” Elide cried with a wrinkle on her lips. “You perverted pig.” Lorcan laughed and nudged Bear back to her bed. He stripped to his boxers, electing to leave his clothes where he’d tossed them on the floor. Then, Lorcan joined her in bed. Elide pulled him over to her, fitting herself under his body. She liked the feeling of his weight trapping her against the mattress, like some sort of weighted blanket. 

Lorcan laid his head on the pillow next to hers. His eyes tracked hers, watching how they fell shut and how Elide fought to open them again, only for the same thing to happen. With a quiet chuckle, Lorcan lifted his head and kissed her brow, “Sleep,  _ mahasani*. _ ” He eased his weight off of her and turned onto his side. Lorcan gathered his fiancée in his arms, holding her close and tight. Elide sighed softly and curled her fists against his chest. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. Lorcan’s heart beat faster and he whispered softly, “I love you.” 

All he got in response was a sleep-addled jumbled mumbling of similar words before they both gave into the enticing call of sleep. 

_ sweetheart: ten bucks says u cry when i walk down the aisle  _

_ 🖤: it insults me that u think im stupid enough to take that bet.  _

_ 🖤: stop distracting me. im trying to get ready.  _

_ 🖤: for our wedding. _

_ sweetheart: forgive me, my heart. being without you is more than i can bear at this point. i ache for the moment i might see you once again  _

_ 🖤: i love you so much lochan  _

_ sweetheart: hehe i love you too  _

Elide smiled at the text she sent and turned her phone off. She stayed remarkably still as Aelin fixed her hair, “What are you smiling about?” __

“I’m not allowed to smile on my own wedding day?” Her tone was mirthful and dry, but her smile only grew. 

Aelin smiled as well, her bright eyes twinkling, “I’m so happy for you, love. This happiness, it’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

She bent her head, nodding as she tried to speak past the lump in his throat, “It’s like- I’ve never been this happy, you know? And I used to be scared that it would fade, but… I don’t know if it will anymore.” Tears pricked her eyes. 

The queen saw them and laughed gently before wiping them away. “Don’t cry. It’s a happy day today.” 

Elide huffed a laugh and nodded, “Yes. A very happy day.” 

_ “You’re so going to cry.”  _

_ “Am not.”  _

Sadirah laughed,  _ “You’re so in love with her you smile when someone says her name.”  _

Lorcan frowned,  _ “I so do not.”  _ His sisters exchanged a look and laughed again. 

Aneha flicked the tip of his nose,  _ “Elide.”  _

He tried, he swore he tried, but the corners of his lips curled up. The twins cackled and he rolled his eyes,  _ “Oh, fuck you guys. Go sit down, my wedding’s starting now.”  _ He shook his head at them and walked up to the altar. Fenrys was already standing there and wore a wide grin. “What do you want, Fen?” Lorcan regarded him warily. 

His friend smiled softly and his eyes slid to the crowd, no doubt looking at his boyfriend. “It’s nice to see you like this, Lor.” 

Lorcan grinned. He turned to follow Fenrys’ gaze and smirked at the sight of a smitten Ress smiling shyly up at Fenrys. “It’s nice to see you like this, too, Fen,” Lorcan said quietly. “You thinking about proposing yet?” 

Fenrys ducked his head and felt his cheeks heating, “Yeah, I am.”

“Really? That’s great, Fen.” Lorcan was about to say something else when Aelin came out and motioned for them to stand at the altar. 

Fenrys grinned, “You ready for this?” 

Lorcan rolled his shoulders to loosen them and clasped his hands in front of him. He looked down the aisle and didn’t see any of their guests. He didn’t see the lights or any of the decorations, either. He was waiting for Elide. “Yeah, I’m ready. You have the rings, right?” 

“What? No, I don’t,” Fenrys said, his brow lowering. 

Lorcan whirled on him, his sound of frustration strangled, “ _ Fuck _ , are you serious? I fucking gave them to–”

Fenrys laughed loudly, his head tipped back. His eyes sparkled with mischief, “Nah, I gottem. Just a joke, Lor, calm down.” 

“You’re dead” Lorcan warned him. He resolved to end Fenrys’ life later, when the ceremony was over and Elide couldn’t be forced to testify against him. In his eyes, a promise of pain and suffering glinted in the depths of obsidian. “Count your fucking days.” 

Fenrys was still snickering when the music began. It was simple and light. Lorcan straightened, tears already lining his eyes. First, Lysandra walked down the aisle. She smiled at Lorcan when she arrived at the altar and stood on the opposite side. She and Fenrys shared a look, fondly rolling their eyes at the way Lorcan refused to look anywhere but the end of the aisle. 

His heart clenched as Elide walked out. Aelin and Rowan walked with her, but Lorcan didn’t realise they were there. He could hardly think about anything else as he watched her. She smiled up at him, her eyes welling with silver tears.  _ Don’t cry _ , she mouthed with a cheeky grin. 

Lorcan laughed, the sound raspy and rough. He dragged his eyes up and down her figure, drinking in the gown she wore. The a-line skirts were romantic and graceful. Delicate butterfly and pearl appliqués cascaded down from the fitted bodice, its neckline a dainty vee made with layers of pleated tulle. The train and see-through butterfly sleeves added to the whimsy of it all, making Elide look like a forest nymph. Her hair was free and tumbled down to the small of her back in waves. 

When they arrived at the end, Lorcan walked down the steps. He held his hand out, his head bowed in reverence. Rowan and Aelin both kissed Elide’s cheeks and whispered something low to her. She nodded vaguely, her attention already shifting to Lorcan and staying. Elide reached out, putting her hand in his. 

Lorcan brushed his lips over the back of her hand and waited until she had arrived in her spot to resume his. At first, Elide tried to pay attention to the priestess who was performing the ceremony, but soon enough her eyes met Lorcan’s once more and never strayed. 

When it came time for their vows, Elide spoke first. Her words were simple and truthful. She described how her heart was no longer hers and how deeply she loved him. Tears slid slowly down his cheeks and she wiped them away, just as Lorcan did for her when it was his turn. 

Their promises, their soft soft vows needn’t be repeated. All one needed to know was that they were true and would remain so even after nobody remembered their story.

Especially then.

Far above them, trapped in the inky-blue expanse of  _ sky _ , the stars twinkled. Bright laughter bubbled up from Elide’s lips as they danced, slow and sweet. The matching gold bands on their fingers clicked together with their joined hands and Elide smiled. 

Lorcan looked down at her, a brow arched expectantly. “Is there something you desire, wife?” 

“No, I have everything I want,” she told him. Elide glanced around them, smiling at their guests. She turned back to her husband and said, “Let’s go. I don’t feel like sharing you.” Elide stepped back from him and started to lead Lorcan away from the reception, not like he had any complaints. 

“Will you tell me where we’re going?” 

She gave him a weird look, “Our place. Obviously.” 

Lorcan laughed and let her continue on. He had no aversion to them ditching their wedding to be alone. They walked through the gardens to the fountain once again and Elide stepped up onto the stone lip of the base. Lorcan braced his hands around her waist, “You sure you want to be standing there? Don’t you remember what happened last time?” 

She hummed and looped her arms around his neck, “Yes, but you’ll catch me this time.” 

“Are you sure,” he teased, smoothly dipping her after he slid his hands to the small of her back. The bare back of her dress exposed the expanse of supple skin and Lorcan relished the contact. 

Elide shrieked slightly and her nails dug into his shoulders, still sharp through the layers of his navy blue suit and crisp white shirt. She laughed then, and kissed him with a smile, “You bastard.” 

Laughter rumbled through his chest and he gave into her sweet kisses, drinking in the taste of her smile. “If you fall, I will catch you. Every time.” 

She pulled away, her dark eyes searching his. Lorcan could see her tears and lifted a hand to her face, lovingly brushing them away before they could spill over. “Promise?” Elide moved her hand to his face and cupped his jaw. 

“With all that I am, sweetheart.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mahasani is a lakota term of affection that translates to 'my other skin' 
> 
> and it's all over now !! im sad but very happy to share this with you guys - she was a *beast* to write alsdhaksjfhsdkjfsd
> 
> i am going to be taking a break from posting multi-chapters (i have......something....in the works that needs a lil more attention lol) but i will be posting one shots !! mainly elorcan and rowcan cause uhhhhh ya grrrl is straight up obsessed 
> 
> anyhoo thank you for following along and all your lovely comments 🥺 i luv u guys


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